I'm sorry I was poor and need a shower for LO #2
I just need to vent.
I know alot of people assume having a shower for baby #2 is stupid bc your suppose to already have everything you need from baby #1.
Any time I mention having a 2nd shower on here, people flip out and quickly assume I'm greedy.
DH and I were in really tough times when DS #1 was born. I had a shower (registered for "need" items) but didn't recieve all the baby gear (like I assumed I wouldn't). Friends and family let us BORROW their baby gear/bottle/breast pump/clothes. Now 80% of the BORROWED items have been returned bc they needed them back for thier #2s.
My mom was very quick to tell me she was throwing me a shower, no ifs, ands, or buts.
So I hope the people that are quick to judge 2nd time baby showers now have an understanding that there are some mommies who actually NEED baby items.
Re: I'm sorry I was poor and need a shower for LO #2
Just be perpared because you are most likely going to get flamed for this post as well because why are you having a baby if you can't afford to take care of one.
Plus there are other things that you could do, you could search craigslist, yard sales and consigment shops to get the things that you need.
And just because you are having a baby shower doesn't mean you will get things you NEED. In fact only about half of the items I have recieved are needed baby gear items, the rest of cute and collectable and lots and lots of clothes. The bigger items, PNP, monitor, car seat, etc we are still having to purchase ourselves.
All of that being said, I am not against baby showers for 2nd babies. If someone is willing to throw one for you and people are fine with coming, so be it. If i was offended by a 2nd baby shower, then I simply would go to it, no point in getting my panties in a twist over it.
But I do think you should stop relying on others to take care of your LO and figure out a way to make it happen on your own.
It's nice of your mom to throw you a shower.
But are you now not in the financial position to buy your own child the things he NEEDS (since you capitalized it.) I'm having my first, but we wouldn't be pregnant if we didn't have the means of buying this kid everything we need without the handouts from others.
Just sayin'.
Your first baby isn't even 1, you couldn't afford everything for that baby. Now you're admitting you "need" a shower to get what you NEED for baby #2
Why on earth didnt you take every precaution possible to make sure you didn't get PG if you are in such dire financial straits?!
It's YOUR choice to have a child. That doesn't make it your friends and familys responsiblity to stock you up.
Sorry, but this post doesn't help you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
While I do agree with pp about if you shouldn't rely on others to provide for your baby, but at the same time I get times are tough and it's nice to be cared for by your loved ones. I don't think there's anything offensive about attending a 2nd or 3rd baby shower. But you do sound a bit gift grabby by having a shower to get things from others instead of sharing the excitement of welcoming another LO into the world.
People are going to judge you even more now that they know your "situation."
You chose to have a (second) child. It is your responsibility to provide for it. It is not the responsibility of your friends and family to do so.
Shop for used items. Look on ebay, craigslist, etc. Get a second job (if you don't have one already). Apply for financial assistance.
Ditto.
Our LO was our first and we were able to find a BRAND NEW crib/changer combo and mattress on Craigslist for $150. Ugh, I hate when people think having a shower is a right. You were luckily that someone wanted to throw you one, but NEEDING a shower is ridiculous. Your LO is YOUR responsibility to provide for... no one else's.
yup!
I also don't mind going to showers for second or third babies. Most people I know have showers or some type of luncheon for each of their children, I see no problem with it. I have a friend who will have an 18 month old son when her baby is born. She's not having a shower, she still has everything she needs, but I'll still get the new baby a gift.
I'm pregnant with number 2, but my kids will be about 8 years apart. All my friends are excited for my shower, no one made it sound like it was a burden. But we have bought and will continue to buy a lot of items on our own. I'm not really having a shower, more a co-ed bbq with kids.
Keep in mind, even with a shower you won't get everything you need. Many people get lots of clothes at thier shower and not much else. Start picking up things that you need now, don't rely on a shower to get everything you will need for baby.
I don't think that the shower for the 2nd baby thing is so much the problem here (though I disagree as to its appropriateness).
It's the OP's entitlement attitude that everyone else should be supporting her child and the utter lack of responsibility in providing for her child. Her "situation" does not make her a special snowflake.
OP chose to get KU so soon after her first baby. Her first is what- about 10 months (trying to remember from her ticker) and she is about 1/2way through her second pregnancy already? Did she not learn anything from the first child?
Apparently not
If you NEED a shower, you NEED to get another job.
You, dear woman, are an idiot.
That is all.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
No judging here, who are we to judge others anyway? No problem with you having another shower. If your mom wants to throw you one I think that's great, and whoever can come and bring you a gift will be a big help to you I'm sure. I hope you get some items you need and what you don't get I'm sure will be worked out one way or another like it was for your 1st child.
And, how dare someone call you an idiot for being pregnant again! Hey, it happens, sometimes expectedly and sometimes unexpectedly. Congratulations on your second baby!
~Amanda
All are welcome in my posts
So I'm not as good at post-stalking as some of you are, but just from viewing the OP's bump profile & her last 5 threads she started I was able to see that:
SHE IS TAKING A TRIP TO EUROPE IN THE NEAR FUTURE!!!!
POOR PEOPLE DO NOT TAKE TRIPS TO EUROPE!
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/41904208.aspx
If you're hurting for money so badly that you can't provide for your child, then you shouldn't be taking trips, especially somewhere extravagant like Europe. That money can be spent buying a lot of your baby's essentials.
I would be MAD if I was a friend or family member whose been hearing what tough times OP and her family are having and then find out they're going to Europe.
There is a huge difference between WANTING to buy your friend/family member a gift to celebrate the birth of their child and someone EXPECTING you to stock them up. I will always buy a gift for each child born to a friend or family member, but it is not my responsibility to go out and buy a carseat or their PnP because they couldn't bother to plan their family according to their means, save money to buy their own gear, or shop craigslist/garage sales. At the end of the day, it is no one's responsibility to buy my baby anything she NEEDS other than my husband and myself.
If OP came on here and said "I know you all think second showers are gift grabby, but my mom offered to throw me one and I'm having one, so there" she would not have received this response. The OP needs to use birth control if she can't afford to provide the basics for her child.
Pregnancy is 100% preventable.
And I will absolutely judge someone who is crying poor but is taking a trip to Europe.
Are you f*cking kidding me OP? You have got some nerve to expect people to stock you up and then take a *BIG trip to Europe* (your words).
some people don't believe in birth control.....I don't know her stance on it. Yes, pregnancy is 100% preventable, and some would rather not prevent that. People have their beliefs.
As for this trip to Europe, I don't know anything about that or anything else about her, but I'm not going to put her down for it. I didn't come on this board to judge and belittle someone or get in an argument with anyone.
~Amanda
All are welcome in my posts
im so against 2nd showers when the babies are less than about 3 or 4 year apart, and registering is tacky.
if you cant afford the necessities for a baby you shouldnt be having one. and if you dont beleive in birth control its fairly simple, dont have sex. sorry, no sympathy here.
We have no idea of her stance on birth control, so that's a big leap for you to take without any information to support. Her beliefs are 99% likely to have nothing to do with this.
By saying "I didn't come on this board to judge and belittle someone or get in an argument with anyone." you're making a judgmental statement as well.
She is an idiot if she's unable to provide for one kid and lets herself get pregnant with a second one. She's a bigger idiot if she EXPECTS people to buy things for her because she failed at preventing a baby she couldn't take care of on her own. She's an idiot of epic proportions if she's whining and b!tching about people not buying everything she needs and she's taking a trip to Europe.
I was told that the odds of my getting pregnant on my own were slim. They didn't even want to go IUI or clomid, straight to IVF was the RE's words. I stopped taking my birth control and using condoms. I knew the odds were slim but still there. I got pregnant during the 2 month span that would put my EDD at the WORST financial time of year for H and I. What did I do? I started saving money, and despite everyone telling me "don't worry! People will get stuff for your baby shower" (as this is our first child and we had literally NOTHING), I started buying what we needed at garage sales, craigslist, goodwills and when it was on sale. Why? Because it's MY child and WE created it. My family and friends should not be expected to give me a d@mn thing for our child.
So yes, she's an idiot for all of those reasons.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
~Amanda
All are welcome in my posts
Sha lalalalalalala
BUSTED.
Doh!
I smell a DD coming!
LOL. Buh bye then!
I give it 45 minutes...Anyone think a GBCB will be accompanying it?
Well, honestly, you can have another shower all you want, but that still doesn't mean you will get those sorely needed items. You will probably get a bunch of clothes, diapers and blankets ( which are very nice too). You're mom's money would probably be better spent just getting you something than having a party.
I mean, I know it is her right and everything but if your friends and family didn't get you those items with your first baby than there is a small likelyhood they would get you those needed items for a second one. I know you guys are having a hard time but so is everyone, so is everyone.
Condoms.
Condoms would make the perfect baby shower gift in this case.
The Bee Hive Blog
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
25 Weeks - GOAL MET 52.2 Pounds gone! 27 Weeks Total Pounds Lost: 54.0
100 bucks is a big deal
The Bee Hive Blog
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
25 Weeks - GOAL MET 52.2 Pounds gone! 27 Weeks Total Pounds Lost: 54.0
Great example of how some people think the only reason for a baby shower is just for gifts.
You said, "DH and I were in really tough times when DS #1 was born" were meaning past tense, sounds like you're more capable of buying your own gear this time around.
That's not what her post says though.
DH and I were in really tough times when DS #1 was born. I had a shower (registered for "need" items) but didn't recieve all the baby gear (like I assumed I wouldn't). Friends and family let us BORROW their baby gear/bottle/breast pump/clothes. Now 80% of the BORROWED items have been returned bc they needed them back for thier #2s.
My mom was very quick to tell me she was throwing me a shower, no ifs, ands, or buts.
So I hope the people that are quick to judge 2nd time baby showers now have an understanding that there are some mommies who actually NEED baby items.
It is nice that your mom wants to throw you a shower for #2. I just don't understand a couple of things. 1) if you didn't get what you NEEDED at your shower for LO #1 - what makes you think you will get what you NEED from a shower for #2? And 2) why would you make the assumption that only "some" mommies NEED baby items? Just so you know, ALL mommies (and daddys) NEED baby items.
I think you are going to be very disappointed in what you get from guests at your 2nd shower. Most guests attending someone's 2nd shower spend less than they would for a first baby. It has been my experience (attending these showers) that guests tend to buy a LOT of clothes and second to that is diapers. I rarely, rarely see people buying large items like strollers, PNPs, pumps, or a carseat. I went to one shower for a mom who's youngest was 7. It was a new marriage for her and first child for her DH. She didn't get any BIG items. I'd say the most expensive was the diaper bag I got her and it was just over $50. And...there were at least 60 people at this shower. I'm not saying she didn't get some nice things...she did. Many handmade blankets, crocheted items, TONS of clothes (the kid got about 15 bathing suits!! - they have an indoor pool). lol So please don't get your hopes up that your friends and family will get your all the things you need. Check out some garage sales, Craigs List, etc. Perhaps some of those friends who requested items back will be done with them and loan them out again. GL
I'm still amazed that she complaining about $$ but is taking a trip to Europe.
I'm surprised she hasn't deleted this thread. She's made other posts in other places since then.
another thing: you can't get pregnant if you don't have sex. no matter how many pills or condoms you use, you can get pregnant and you know that when you have sex. i hate it when people say they were trying to avoid pregnancy when that's just not the case. obviously anyone who has a child is choosing to have it or has chosen not to be responsible enough to be educated about how to avoid pregnancy and therefore should not be having sex.
i don't care if the op has a shower or not because i'm not going to it but it's obvious she is being gift-grabby because she doesn't want to buy the baby's stuff on her own.