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O.M.G.

BrendaKBrendaK member
in Indiana Babies

I have a nice, private, secluded office.

Which has a nice, private, secluded closet. Our office's coffee supply is in that closet, so we keep it locked. Just beyond the coffee in the same closet, is a bathroom. A nice, private, secluded bathroom. My very own bathroom.

The lock on the closet door just malfunctioned and would not open from the inside.

Like, really. 

This is me, stuck inside a hot, stuffy closet. Indifferent

OMG.

So, I start pounding a little. I'm sort-of mortified. I hate making a scene.

After a few minutes of pounding, someone comes over, one of my salesmen, and he's like, "uhhh, hello?" in the general area. 

This is me, trying to not make a scene, "John?"

This is John, running to the door, "Brenda?"

I suddenly realize I'm trapped in a closet. 

This is me: "JOHN! JOHN! JOHN! OH MY GOD, SAVE ME! I'M LOCKED IN HERE! THERE'S NO A/C!"

Upon which, a crowd of no less than 30 people gather in my office. I felt like Baby Jessica.

I slip them my key under the door, and it won't work. Like, absolutely will not work.

Random people start sliding me mini screwdrivers and hammers, as if I am going to screw my way through the door. I try popping the hinges. Nothing. They're like 100 years old.

So, they call my Maintenance Department. Crowd of 30 swells to 40, maybe 50. I don't even know. I'm faint.

I start looking around. There's coffee. There's hot chocolate. There's a running water. Coffee cups. A toilet. I mean, I can survive for weeks in here.

I can hear the murmurs from the crowd. I hear someone mention a chainsaw. A chainsaw? I mean, come on.

They break out the big drill and start destroying the handle and lock. I'm standing back, taking cover. There's shrapnel flying everywhere.

They tell me to try the handle. Nothing.

That's it, I'm giving birth in this closet. I will survive for the next 7 months on hot chocolate and splenda and I will have to give birth in this closet. 

They completely remove the handle. I can see people. People! Fresh air! I must be saved!

Except the door still won't open. 

It's the plunger, the plunger piece is stuck.

I hear my coworkers, "we're pulling for ya! just keep hanging on!" They start slipping me notes of admiration - "don't worry, we'll flush you out of there in no time!"

My maintenance team manages to break the door frame and pull the plunger out. They rip the door open.

I fall into the first set of arms I see. Dear, sweet Mike from Maintenance.

I'm saved! I'm saved! Applause roars through the crowd. 

This is the biggest thing to happen at my work in a long time.

I'm slightly traumatized. But happy that I didn't go #2 and make a stinky. THAT would have been embarrassing.

The end.

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