Questions...

PterodactylGirl

My miscarriage started on Friday, at least the bleeding started then. The night before was the first time me and my fiance' had sex since we found out I was pregnant. I read website after website that said sex is safe during pregnancy. I had an orgasm and my fiance' finished inside me. I can't help but think that this is our fault. Did my orgasm do something to hurt the baby? Did the baby somehow drown or dissolve or something because what my fiance' did? It probably sounds dumb but I feel this somehow could have been prevented.

 

cherylanddoug

no...having sex does not cause a miscarriage.

ravenorchid

I am sorry for your loss. Do not think this is your fault. Sex/ orgasm could not have caused this.

jesslw

The first tell tale signs of my miscarriage were overlooked because of sex. DH and I had sex on a Sunday night, he finished inside of me and I had an orgasm too, then on Monday morning there was a tinge of pink when I wiped. Only once. I assumed it was a bit of bloody discharge from my cervix or whatever other harmless reason you can have a microscopic amount of blood on your toilet paper. Since then, the thought that we caused this m/c to happen because we had sex crossed my mind, but I have better things to feed my guilt with. I smoked for the first 6 weeks I was pregnant and I'm a borderline diabetic that suddenly needed insulin during my pregnancy. Yeah. I have a pretty good amount of guilt with out needing to add the 'what if us having sex that night...'. It's not the case anyways. Like you said, it's all over the internet that sex doesn't cause m/c and every idiotic pamphlet my doctor gave me swears sex doesn't harm anything either. We, as the prospective mothers of these babies, feel as though we have failed to keep them safe. We are going to feel guilty one way or another. The guilt and anger has been the hardest things for me to shake. The truth is that we would have done anything for our babies, to keep them. To give birth to them and raise them and see to their happiness. We, along with that little life growing inside of us, were robbed of that opportunity due to an unfair and forever unknown reason. Not because we had sex or did whatever else we blame ourselves for. Guilt is a natural feeling right now. We'll get past it. I'm sorry for your loss.

bootsie08

I'm glad you posted on this board and found support. I'm so sorry you received some hurtful responses on the other board.  I know you have a million unanswered questions, but please don't blame yourself.  I truly hope you find peace soon.  You will be in my thoughts. 

bootsie08

And it looks like you are about to get more insensitive comments due to ladies from the other military board coming to the defense of Ojo.  Please, please, please, just ignore them and allow yourself to grieve.

jen629

I am so sorry for your loss please stay here where you can find support. And nothing that you did caused this {{HUGS}}

Laurakat81

First of all don't feel dumb for asking a question here. No having sex did not cause your miscarriage but I understand the fear. Even KNOWING this myself I still had a hard time having sex after we got pregnant the second time. Everything I have read says that orgasms are actually good (as in comforting, the contracting muscles act like a rocking chair almost, swaying and rocking the baby).

Unfortunately you usually can't  prevent a miscarriage. It is normal to want to try but its usually those of us who literally did everything right that end up here while all the selfish, unhealthy, and uncaring people end up with healthy babies (and hold on, I am NOT saying that all healthy babies are born to people like this!!!). It will make you crazy if you keep questioning if YOU did something to cause it. But it is still a normal thing to think.

The only way to know for sure what happened would be to do testing on the baby and other tissues or to have tests run on you and your fiance. Unfortunately even these tests often do not yield any results.

I'm sorry for your loss but i'm glad you made your way to this board.

WormandElizabeth

I am so sorry for your loss. Like the others have said... sex did not cause your loss. My doctor told us that most likely we will never know the reason for our loss and that sucks! Sometimes you just want answer or a way to explain your pain and so you think of all the things... I did it, too. I thought maybe it was that day I was cleaning or maybe because I got really drunk one night the week before I knew I was pg, but in the end I knew it wasn't any of those things and for some strange reason that made it worse for a while. I found myself just getting angry about little things... traffic, stupid comments, everything. For a while, I was pretty p.o.ed with God, too. It's all part of the grieving process, I suppose. Even though you don't have answers... eventually your pain will get a little better with each day and you  will find some peace and happiness. You are in my thoughts and prayers.