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BamBam510
member
Why would people not like you? (TBPS related)
BamBam510
member
For one...why would their even be a need to discuss how well off you are or not on here? The only time I ever see income brought up is when people are discussing whether they can afford to be a sahm or not. Now, if you're lying talking about struggling when really you're not, then their is reason to feel this way.
Otherwise, people on the boards are from all over the world, their are probably people on here who are considered poverty level, all the way up to millionaires. If someone judges you based on your finanical status, you shouldn't want them as a 'friend'.
It kind of sounds like a snotty 'rich' person thing to say when you talk about how people don't/won't like you because you have money. People don't like you because you think you're better than them because of what you have. If you don't act like you're better than everyone else and don't 'flaunt' your money, then people will like you no matter what your status is. Some people might feel a little jealous or envious of their friends or acquaintances because they want to be at that financial level, but it shouldn't affect how they feel about them personally.
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Re: Why would people not like you? (TBPS related)
Exactly my point. And honestly I think this person must be one of those who acts that way since she made the ps about it already assuming people wouldn't like her because of it. Get over yourself.
To be honest, I could see someone saying that without trying to be snotty/stuck up. Some of my best girlfriends don't make a lot of money at all, or have too much debt, etc. If I were to walk in with a new car, or a new pricey purse, they would gush over it. But if I spend a lot of money on something they consider to be ridiculous (like the PCs I'm building, or on food if I am hosting a party at my house, or my stroller, or my cats - yes I bought purebred cats, and I love them to pieces) I get the side eye. So now I don't even bring up if I am buying certain things, even though I would never tell them how much I spent. Just the fact that I BOUGHT cats instead of adopting gets them riled up.
Wow, yea I wouldn't bring that up either then. Especially when they think the logical things are ridiculous and the 'novelty' things are what money should be spent on.
I'm not saying that all the things I choose to spend money on are easily justified. I didn't NEED a Stokke stroller, but it was something I really wanted and could afford. Just by me owning that stroller, I get judged, which kinda sucks.
Not all my friends are like this, just one or two in particular, but it does make me watch what I say around people. Like, the amount of money I paid for my professional pictures... thankfully the photographer doesn't post her prices, but I am just waiting for when my friends come to visit and see I have a canvas print of Liam, sigh.
Just tell them to go to canvasondemand.com........you can even get them framed. Unfortunately I know people that shallow too. My husband and I filed chapter 7 a few years back...we lost alot of "friends" after that. My husbands job is pretty nice...people here know that. And for some reason they think "how much does he make?" is an appropriate question. I just went through an interview where the manager asked me more questions about my husbands job than he did about my work experience.
I'm judging you now. Her canvases are awesome and I really wanted one.
(FYI to those not in the know - Jamie and I used the same very amazing photographer.)
What I don't understand about that PS is why in the world would her income come up on a message board? I am of the belief that income is a very personal thing.
exactly.
I can see it being an issue IRL for the reasons Jamie stated, but on here? Why would it even come up unless you were going out of your way to let everyone know.
Yup, that was my first point. We don't discuss income on here, the only time I hear talks of money are people referring to whether they can sah or not or people ocassionally mention "i wouldn't be able to afford that", no one ever talks about "oh I could afford that a thousand times over".
Honestly, the only thing I am wincing about cutting back on when I start SAHMing is not being able to get that canvas every time, lol. She has Liam's pics on her FB profile now, under products! And the canvas is definitely fantastic!
So, only one canvas a year for now (which is fine, or I would run out of wall space). Still going to use her 3x a year though, just with a step down in options, lol.
I saw a girl get run off from the boards in a way because of how much money she had. People said she was flaunting it, but I thought she was just talking about stuff. I mean, we all talk about what we have, she just had really nice stuff, lol.
It could be a snotty rich person thing to say, but it could also be a normal mom who has been unfairly judged because of her wealth. Who knows.
I'm sorry people treat you that way. Dh's cousin is super wealthy and threw her son the BEST first birthday party ever- complete with a ferris wheel, pony rides, petting zoo and then some! Some of our family members were judgemental about how much money she spent...I don't get it..we all get the best we can afford. Her best is just more than most. Who cares! We had a kickass time at the party.
the car girl? Yeah she was flaunting it. over and over and over.....
Its easy to simply not repeatedly bring up expensive things you have. You honestly have to go out of your way to repeatedly brand drop.
Car girl? No. Don't know anything about that. I'm talking about someone on 12-24 a while back. I don't think you know her. And like I said, it could be someone who flaunts their stuff, but the post secret writer may not be.
It's been a problem on money matters before, but only a few people had a problem with the wealthier people. Personally, I don't care how much people have.
Flaunting wealth in a snotty way won't be welcomed, though.
oh I agree! I guess my point is that if she doesn't flaunt it, then IMO she has nothing to worry about. So she shouldn't stress.
1. Who goes around talking about how much money they make anyway? It's just not that interesting.
2. I get the impression that a lot of people on the bump make good money. Every time we do one of those income polls, it seems like a disproportionate amount of the people are 100k +
3. You should be proud of your income if you earn it. There is nothing wrong with making a lot of money - it means you are contributing something very valuable to the economy. If other people have something bad to say about it, well screw them, you can't win over everyone.
I think money is one of many things that TB/Nest is very contradictory and weird about. On one hand, people openly admire when someone posts about being super frugal (the infamous "how much do you spend on groceries" posts!), there's the whole SAHM/WM thing of course -- but people are also very quick to recommend expensive things. Britax car seats, BOB strollers ($400-$600), diaper bags over $100, Ergo or Beco carriers ($100-plus), etc. I know I'm guilty of that, even though most of the nicer things I have were gifts or on sale.
Most of the time, people don't talk about the cost up front, they just say what they have and like. But it's pretty obvious when you start looking to actually buy something yourself. I mean, just think about Sophie -- that's $20 for a teether. Pretty extravagant compared to most other teethers, but it's SO popular on here. (Disclaimer: we have one that was a gift.)
People ask about whether others have college funds for their kids and how much you contribute. They ask about how much money you save every week. There was a post the other day on one board about how much life insurance do SAHMs carry. People are *always* asking how much others pay for childcare, preschool, etc. Now, of course nobody has to answer those posts if they really want to be private about their finances. But to say it doesn't come up on the boards isn't true, IMO -- it just *usually* doesn't come up as blatantly as "How much is your household income?"
I didn't make that PS, and I don't consider my family wealthy, but I can see where the poster is coming from -- b/c there ARE people of so many different income levels on here. So you've got the people posting about layoffs, struggling to make ends meet, how to deal with a disrespectful mom/MIL who is watching LO for free b/c they can't afford other childcare -- but at the same time posts are going on with recs for Britax, BOB, etc. There should be room for everybody, you'd think, but money is one of those things people get crazy about.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010