Article on "NOT FEELING GUILTY"....excellent.

just_peachy

I had to share this many of you who are going through a challenging time right now....It will get better, that's what they all tell us and I hold on to that belief.  Keep fighting and moving foward into motherhood!

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On becoming a parent despite reservations about the baby years:

I would never encourage anyone to have kids they don't want, but, to would-be parents, I say don't buy the hype that everyone finds every stage super enjoyable and there's something mega-wrong with you if you don't immediately bond with unspeakable passion to your child. Some people have that experience, but the dirty little secret of parenthood is that just as many don't.

I viewed the first year as an endurance test, which it was. But by giving myself permission not to feel guilt over not feeling ecstatic 24/7, I also wasn't a cranky put-upon nightmare for that year -- it just was what it was.

I had primed myself that I might not really like anything up until age 5 or so, and it turns out I was wrong, and I find toddlers really neat. It turned out to be such a hoot to watch my son develop from a big pile of need into a little person. We're going from 2 to 3 now, which is a little less fun (hello, terrible 2's), but he's still a funny little person.

One of the other mothers in my son's day-care class just had her second child and she looked at me and said, "Here we go again -- grow, baby, grow!" because she readily admits she's not fond of the newborn stage, which I find healthier than pretending she's over the moon. Not being thrilled doesn't automatically make you a grudging parent, nor does it necessarily spill over to the child. Sometimes I may be screaming inside my head when I have to make the Elmo puppet sing for the thousandth time, but sing we do and my son is happy.if ( show_doubleclick_ad && ( adTemplate & INLINE_ARTICLE_AD ) == INLINE_ARTICLE_AD && inlineAdGraf ) { placeAd('ARTICLE',commercialNode,20,'inline=y;',true) ; }

I knew about myself that I was fundamentally responsible, had good coping skills, and work from the fundamental assumption that I can handle what I have to and you just keep taking things one step at a time. It never occurred to me that I couldn't be a parent, just that I might not like every stage.

 

 

L.

 

nelb3

Thank you for sharing this! It's a very good and important message! I've been working through ppd since my DS was born and struggle even now while I'm pg w/#2.  I'm so thankful for my doctor and support system that I have in place!

I lurk on this board much more than I post, but I appreciate the encouragement from you ladies.

Thanks again for sharing.

brideofscowboy

I would love to wave this article in the face of those who gave me the raised eyebrow b/c I openly admitted to not liking the NB stage.

totallyshocked

I keep saying....."I cant wait till she can play and talk and be almost human"...... hard to feel so attached to a stranger who all u do is feed and change really

julybaby23

Great article! I was told not to have children because I confided that I am not really into newborns! As it turns out, I am pretty happy with LO as a newbie though I have my moments