- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
February 2011 Moms
So apparently I have to list all of my losses
in my ticker to be allowed to have real fears. I am usually pretty docile but this made me mad. This is my fifth pregnancy, I will love my child no matter what, I said this in the OP.
I like what several women said, this is a place to support each other. It is a real question. I know that several women out the have had girls first and then a boy. I wanted to get their take on this.
Thank you to the women who understood what I was "asking". And sorry for those who seemed confused with the fact that I can still love my child and have fears of the unknown.
Finally njh514-shame on you for saying that I have had no problems getting pregnant. Shame on you. I can talk to you about "perspectives" if you really want to go there.
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/2/41866731/ShowThread.aspx
This discussion has been closed.
Re: So apparently I have to list all of my losses
Wow! It seems like some ppl were being bishes! I didn't see your OP, but now I'll have to go see.
I did too, but there were a few that put me over the edge.
Thank you so much. This is exactly the help I was looking for. I know all of this in my heart but my head just can't wrap around it.
Everyone has a right to be nervous even if it's your 1st child or 30th. It also should not matter how many losses you had or if you had none. I am nervous as hell about my baby and about taking care of him/her.
So relax and you have no reason to explain yourself to anyone. Be nervous, stress it out a little, worry about the things you need to worry about and then try to let it go while thinking of the positives of each gender.
Girls you could have proms, first dates, first loves, heart aches and watching your little girl get married. Boys you could have football games, falling from trees, bringing home frogs, and the chance to oneday be a crazy MIL to some poor unsuspecting woman..but no matter what i'm sure you will be a great mom.
I understand your OP. I am not nervous to take care of a girl because I have already done it and have the experience so a boy is uncharted territory(which is a little scary). I don't have the equipment so I have NO idea how to even take care of it. With a girl I already had the fundamentals down and knew what to expect so it was less scary. Some of the comments on there are just childish. You have a rational fear and it, IMO, is not controversial.
Like I said in my OP reply, I think you are just having normal mommy-to-be jitters. Even though you have gone through it before this baby is a new baby, different PG, different experience.
And Njh514 just stuck her foot in her mouth on that one. One should never assume they know someone's TTC journey(siggy or not) because it just makes you look like an a$$.
I don't have any of my losses mentioned, and I don't feel anyone 'should' have to list them. I'm on my 5th pregnancy also, and hopefully last but who knows what will happen.
Don't list your history of losses if you don't want to, no one 'needs' to have a public view of your past pain. IMO, it should be private. I understand certain siggies are in memory of a pregnancy loss, but that's not everyone's style and we shouldn't be 'required' to list our history. You are entitled to be scared of certain genders, but it's a fear that will pass because once you have your baby boy in your arms (if you have one) because we moms just go into 'get business done' mode when our babies are born. I'm pretty sure you'll have some friends who have a baby boy who can help you ease your baby-boy fears.
I gave a great link in that thread, I hope you read it.
And, I think anyone who writes that they would be disappointed in or 'afraid of' a certain gender probably does need some perspective on life in general.... Not just TTC and loss perspective. You got some great advice in that thread, and I hope you read my link.
-m/c at 11w2d due to partial molar 2008 -m/c #2 2009
Beautiful daughter born February 2011
**Ultimate TTCALer 2009**
I am so sorry that people were insensitive to you and your concerns. I question moms that aren't a bit concerned or nervous about having a baby (I mean, you are responsible for another human life-that's kinda a big deal), so thank you for being brave enough to share yours.
I am sorry that not everyone can be supportive in environments like this, since it is really the whole point.
As a first time mom-to-be after many losses (which I don't feel the need to have to list for anyone's benefit!) I am scared of everything and it is reassuring and comforting to me when I can read and relate to the fears/worries that someone else is having.
Even if it is not the exact same problem in some cases, it is nice to know that other people have their own worries and we can all be here to support and reassure each other on things that maybe we've got a handle on and get support for things we don't.
If you don't have something supportive, positive or in someway helpful to say why don't you just read on move on? No one forces you to comment on a post or jump on people's backs for having the courage to say they ar scared of something.
but you know, that is just my opinion!
To the poster: Thanks again for posting something I wouldn't have had the guts to....you made me feel better knowing I am not alone and I hope you were able to sift through the cr@p and take the positive advise because some of it was really good!
The couple of condescending comments and snippets you received were definitely uncalled for. But on a good note, you did get a lot of good responses.
I just don't understand how people can confuse anger, sadness, and disappointment with a small amount of fear, which was made clear in your post, but oh well.
The way I look at is is that not everyone gets pregnant and automatically assumes they will win the Mommy of the year award. We can definitely do our best, but most of us do have some apprehensions, whether it be about an infant itself, or an infant of a certain gender. You have a right to express your apprehensions without having to explain your TTC life.
My DH has fears of raising a daughter in the city. If this baby is a girl, she we definitely be the apple of his eye and he will love her like no other, but he still has that general fear - I don't see a problem with having a fear. We will do our best no matter what the gender, and I am sure you will too
I am so sorry to hear you had a rough journey to parenthood. (((Hugs))) I have too, and it is never fun when another person says that you must not care enough., especially knowing that you shed tears over TTC so many times. I think a few girls were trying to read between the lines which was never fair.
I got your message. And am right there with you. In fact just last year I was in at a playgroup for my DD, and everyone was pregnant and we were all discussing this exact fear. What kind of mom are we and will it translate well to raising a child of the opposit sex than we were used to. One of my freinds was pg with her thrid and was relieved it was a boy just becuase her previous two boys gave her confidence to know what she was doing. Everyone else was about to enter uncharted waters with an new sex.
DH and I are totally on the fence with what sex we want to have this time and are grateful that decision isn't up to us or we would never decide. . But I am still nervous to see if I am up to the task of a boy.
And for those of you who said that the only difference is genitalia. I will disagree. Watching little boys play and little girls play is a very different scene. And my freinds who do have both say they definately believe in an inherant gender difference now that they see it with their own eyes
wow that was a lot of text
I just went and read the post. You had a couple of real charmers in there.
I hate the assumption that having a concern or being nervous means you're somehow not grateful and thus are less deserving of having a baby. I had a loss in *this* pregnancy (we lost Baby
, and I didn't bat an eye at your post. I didn't respond, b/c I too have a girl, but I certainly wasn't in any way offended.
Some people are just nasty, don't let it get to you.
I did get this link and I forwarded it on to several of my friends. Thank you so much!
Assuming that I'm one of the "asshats" posters are referring to, allow me to explain. First, I apologize for hijacking your post. The only post that was directed toward you, Amelia, was my first one. The one where my advice was to have an early ultrasound. To expand on that thought a bit, if you DID find out that you were having a boy and did experience some disappointment, don't you think it would be better to experience that before they arrive, rather than after they are here? Then you could deal with whatever feelings come and be able to fully enjoy being a mom to a boy when he's born. KWIM?
However, my further posts ended up being more of a pissing contest between GS and myself. I found her callout directly to me insulting. For that, I'm sorry that it happened in your post.
But, even you knew that posting that topic was going to be controversial - it was in your title. No matter what, you were going to get honest feedback - that's what we do here. Some people have fears, others don't. It's a matter of opinion. This is a public message board. P&R, it is not.
I did get this link and I forwarded it on to several of my friends. Thank you so much!
Ladies, you're the best. I appreciate your support.
And I also agree with a PP, There were a LOT of good answers. Thank you for those of you remember that we are all human and we have real fears!