Daughter is afraid....

kirbear

that "mommy will go away and leave me like my daddy did".     

She is almost 4.5 and I think she is starting to understand that our family is different than others and that her dad isn't really around much. She has been super clingy to me this week. This past visit, she cried at having to go with him (for 2 whole hours), refused to get in his car, screamed at his mothers house to the point that xh and dd had to have a picnic outside because she couldn't deal with people talking to her there. Grandma had to bribe her with a new doll and book to calm down

So, I tell xh about her comment about me going away and his response was that "it's the responsibility of the adult with her to tell her that I didn't go away-I just live a short distance away.  And, no worries, I will explain it next time I see her".  Um, he totally doesn't get it!!!!! Just bc you live close by, doesn't mean you are "close to her or spending time with her"!! UGH  2 hours a week isn't what she is worried about!

I'm glad he thinks he can just fix this issue when he sees her............ NEXT WEEK!!  Also annoys me that he thinks I don't explain things etc to her. Um, I've only raised her alone thus far and handled much worse with her.

But, mostly I feel sad for my daughter that she worries about me leaving her. I think this week is going to be a rough week with having to go back to daycare (although good for  her at the same time) when I return to work on Wednesday.

belle204

(((hugs))) Amarah is pretty good most of the time but there are periods where she goes through intense seperation anxiety. I can't even leave the room or walk downstairs without her freaking out. Luckily, I haven't had to deal with a comment like that since our circumstance is different. I can imagine that's a tough one and doesn't help he doesn't fully grasp it. Heck, if ex-H doesn't get it, how does he expect her to. Is there a book on divorce (or similar)  you could give her that might help?

fauxshelley

It might just be a phase she is going through too.  When my DD was 3, she used to scream and cry anytime she heard the door open or shut.  She was afraid that I was leaving her.  She wanted to be with me every second of the day.  I would tell her that if I had to go somewhere, that I was going to come back.  It was really tough for a while, but thankfully she outgrew it in a few months.

GL!

DarthNBJenni

My girls are super duper clingy to me. To the point that even at play dates they won't stop holding on to me. When my mom comes over in the morning, the girls push her towards the door and yell "bye". It makes coming to work very hard

achase123

I would ask friends or family that you know who have both mother and father present.  I would be curious to see if this was just a stage or something that could be a direct result of the is situation.

cmanmom

I can relate.  When my son's "father" used to actually come get him for his visitation, he freaked out.  Someone on the blended families board suggested the book "Oh My Baby Little One" and I bought it.  It doesn't fit the situation EXACTLY, but it's about a kiddo leaving mom for the day at school and how her love is with the baby all day even when they aren't together.  Worked for my son

kirbear

Thanks for the support and suggestions. I will look into a book for her. I think part of it is probably a typical stage for her but then made a bit worse with our situation and also a recent death in the family (not someone she was super close with, but still, trying to comprehend death, heaven etc...)

Thanks again, it's always nice to know I'm not alone!