Question for those who had late loss or stillbirth

angiemedic56

It's been two weeks since my sweet baby boy was born sleeping. I'm consumed with thoughts of wanting to become pregnant again. I logically know that I will need to wait a few months, at least, so that my husband and I can have time to heal.

I want to know how long you waited before trying again, and what trials you have faced emotionally.

TIA 

CarrieLeigh84

Do you want sugar coated truth, or brutal truth?

Sunflower730

If your doctor said wait than please wait.

I got released 1 month after my loss, but now really starting to TTC.

Good luck and I am sorry for your loss.

tlcW0714

I lost my little girl two days before she was due. When I was still in the hosptial my DH and I decided we wanted to try immedietely...and the Dr gave us the go ahead to do so.  We started "trying" right away...that was back in March, so its been a few months, and no good news yet, but we had trouble getting pregnant the first time as well. 

Emotionally, its a roller coaster.  It took me a little while to thaw out.  I'm sometimes more emotional now than I was back at the beginning.  Tears are expected.  Anger, frustration, hopelessness, guilt, its all normal, and they will all come and go.  But you will know when you are ready to love again.  ((hugs))

magdalina.h

lrachelle said this, or at least I give her the credit, shortly after losing Caleb that it's like a train ride. All of a sudden you are derailed and all you want to do is get back on the train going to baby land.

We were told to wait 6 months. At the 4 month mark my OB called and said that we were fine to start trying at any time.  It was an emotional roller coaster because sometimes I wanted to be pg right away and other times I wanted to wait.

I'm sorry for your loss

pennynjon

I am so sorry for your loss.  It has been almost four months since our loss.  My dr said we could try again after 4 months, but I still don't feel like it would be good for me to start this month.  The first couple of months, I felt so much guilt if I even thought about trying again.  I don't want it to be like I am trying to replace my daughter.  Now I am starting to feel a little different.  I know that if we do get pregnant another child will never replace our daughter.  I know that I want a family.  We are probably going to start trying in a couple of months.  I feel like I need that much time emotionally and physically. ((hugs))

jennsadye1979

I can't offer any advice on ttc, I am still spotting from giving birth 5, almost 6 weeks ago. We have been told to wait at least until all information on what happened is received (autopsy results, pathology on the placenta and blood tests I am having done) and I have had at least one nomal period.

I can tell you that the mind numbing, soul sucking sadness gets better, every day.

((Huge hugs)) I am very sorry for your loss.

babymomma78

I'm so sorry about your son. We lost our son at 19w5d, and my doctor asked that I wait one cycle to heal physically. Initially, I thought I'd want to wait several months to heal emotionally, but as soon as I finished the doctor-recommended 1st cycle - we decided we were ready.

For us, we made the decision to start a family... and while no baby will ever replace the one we lost, we're still ready to have a family. I'll admit that we did factor in the length of time it took us to conceive our son, and we assumed it would perhaps take that length of time again, or even longer. We didn't want to "waste any time", so to speak. I apologize if that came out wrong.

As far as emotional trials - the biggest hurdle for me has been friends and family (everyone except my husband) thinking that I should be "over it" by now... Otherwise, my emotions and grieving process has been similar to other losses I've experienced, only amplified (times, like, 1,000).

It's different for everyone, but I think tlcW0714 said before me, you'll know when you're ready.

 

CashewsMommy

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost Aurora at 35w and I was consumed with thoughts of starting again too.

We lost her April 21st and were told June 12th we could start TTC again. I was on the short end. I was very shocked with this.

Please ask your doctor this question and please do what they say. They know your body the best.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

KristysRedBarn

We initially were told to wait 6 months, but then the dr said 3 months would be fine.  My body was seriously messed up though so ttc didn't go well.  When we found that out we decided to wait awhile to allow ourselves time to heal and pay off the major medical expenses.  We're still ttc 2 1/2 years later.  I don't think we are the norm, so don't worry about that.  There is a ton of emotional stuff involved that I can't even begin to explain and I know it's very very different for each couple.

tiffanysbride

We were told to wait 6 months or 3 normal cycles after the first. So we are going to start this month. I know fertility and age play a factor as well as health issues, so you should really talk to your doctor at your follow up.

As far as coping, the first few weeks were hard but honestly not as hard as the weeks to come. It hits you hard and then you feel okay (denial to cope I think), then it hits again you get angry, guilty, etc. Then when we hit out EDD it was rough for a good week or so. Working through your emotions is a roller coaster. Some random things hit and then I melt, or if I am really happy I feel guilty. 

We feel ready now only b/c we can honestly think about pregnancy with excitement and not just the longing for a baby in my arms. What you are feeling is totally normal and I am so sorry for your loss.

huskerbaby

I was told to wait for 6 months- Especially because we would be doing IVF again.  The break (while not easy...) gave us a chance to regroup, meet with MFM's, my OB and my RE about what to expect for the future.  Because we weren't in any rush we did a lot of testing and waited for the autopsy, genetic testing, etc. to come back.  And I've had additional testing and discovered that I am homozygous for MTHFR, so that's a good thing because I'll be prepared for the future.

Best Wishes

babes12

i'm so sorry for your loss.  i understand your desire to want to get pg. again so soon.  After the initial shock wore off about losing Wyatt and the first thoughts that i never ever wanted to do this again wore off, i felt i was ready to TTC again.  so i'd say around after about 1-2months i wanted to try again but b/c i had a c/s i was told to wait a year, then at my follow up 6months. 

then i found a new ob that would allow to try for a VBAC when the time came and they said i really only had to wait 3months so that's what we did. 

we got a bfp 8 cycles later that ended in m/c so although the feelings to be pg. again are very strong please make sure you are emotionally ready to handle anything that lies ahead.  i'm not sure how i would have handled having a m/c if we got pg. the first month or so ttc.  not that it was any easier to handle it after 8 cycles of trying but i think i was emotionally more stable. 

(hugs) and best wishes to you and your journey.  when you're ready we're all here for you. 

a&b=him&me

Ob gave us the clear to try again after 6 months but should I become a FH and get KU right away it would put the edd too close to Evelyn's edd so we are waiting no later than January to start. With preeclampsia the longer you wait between children the higher chance you have of having it again....great. .......talk with your ob and see what they say.