Tell Husband first or doctor's appointment first? — The Bump
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Tell Husband first or doctor's appointment first?

After a positive home pregnancy, do you think you should tell you husband right away?  Or wait until it is confirmed by a blood test at the doctor's office?
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Re: Tell Husband first or doctor's appointment first?

  • The first Doc's appt for some people isn't until 8 weeks.  I told my DH the minute I saw a "pregnant."  There was no way I could wait for the Doc.
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    I would never be able to keep that from my husband....

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  • Seriously? Tell YH..... there is no way I could keep that in until after a first dr appointment!
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  • Unless you have had losses, they don't really do a blood test, there is no reason. 

    I didn't see the doc until I was 8 weeks. Holding it in that long is a bit wrong.  

  • No way do I have the patience to wait until a dr appt! But I do want to come up with a creative way of telling him.

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  • Honestly, it is a personal choice.  There were times where I thought, in theory, it would be nice to wait until I knew this was really it (our first BFP was a loss) so I could give H his "you are going to be daddy" gift that I bought the first year we TTC, but the truth is, we are going through this together and he would want to be there every step of the way even if it was another loss.  I think he'd be crushed if I didn't tell him right away.

    edit: I forgot some people don't get blood tests...yeah, waiting weeks is just weird.


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  • MH will definitely find out before a doctors appt. There's no way I could keep that from him.
  • Um, I'm planning on testing with him home, so my answer outta be pretty obvious...  There is no way.  Thats like, wrong to keep something that like that a secret..
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  • Definitely husband first, no question, prob. a question better suited for 1st tri though since you already have a BFP.
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  • imagePattypoundcake:

    Unless you have had losses, they don't really do a blood test, there is no reason. 

    My OB's office won't schedule a 1st appt until they've done betas.

    That being said, I haven't been able to keep it from DH for more than a few mins. 

  • Good question though.  I was wondering the same thing.  Didn't realize it would take EIGHT weeks to see a doctor.  My doc said after my physical this april, "call me when you want to test for pregnancy".  I can usually get in to see her the same day I call or the next day.
  • I would tell DH first thing after I got a positive HPT.  I couldn't wait until about 8 weeks when most doctors see you for your first visit
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  • I think you should tell me first.  Then I'll tell your husband.
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  • Follow up Question:

    Why is the first doctors appt. not for 8 weeks?  I guess I naively thought the Doctor would be the first person I called.  My OB/GYN said at my last appointment: "call when you get the the positive test".

    EDIT: after of course my husband!

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  • I want to tell MH right away, rather than keeping the fact I got a positive test and a doctor's visit a secret. That would feel shady to me...

    I'm also confused - was your DR saying to test at his/her office, or just saying to call when you get a positive HPT? If it's the latter, yeah, you would need to wait to be seen.



  • I may wait a few hours to come up with a surprise for him, but no way I'm waiting weeks! He'd be pissed if i did not tell him right away, and he should be. I don't keep anything from him, and especially would not keep a pregnancy from him. I will probably wait until after it is confirmed with the dr. for other family members, but not MH. That's just wrong, IMO.
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  • imageAndBabyWouldMake5:

    Follow up Question:

    Why is the first doctors appt. not for 8 weeks?  I guess I naively thought the Doctor would be the first person I called.  My OB/GYN said at my last appointment: "call when you get the the positive test".

    You do call your doc, but there's not much they can do for you before 8w. An u/s not going to show much, and you won't be able to hear a HB on doppler until 10-11w. Some docs run blood, and if your betas are fine, then it's just a waiting game.

  • Follow up:  My doctor also told me to call right away when I got a positive home test so that we could do a blood test.  I assumed that meant that I would get in right away, not wait 8 weeks.  I couldn't wait 8 weeks to tell him.

     Second, the reason I would consider not telling him until after a blood test is not to be" cruel", but because I have previously had a miscarriage, and I don't want to get him excited, just to have it crash down.

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  • imageericksa:

     Second, the reason I would consider not telling him until after a blood test is not to be" cruel", but because I have previously had a miscarriage, and I don't want to get him excited, just to have it crash down.

    But if you had a miscarriage, wouldn't you want him there for support?? 

  • I definitely would not be able to keep it a secret from him until then-he would be wondering why I wasn't drinking, or eating certain things, ect.  Also, if something happened I would need his support in dealing with a m/c or chemical pregnancy!

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  • Not really, that's just 2 of us being miserable rather than 1.
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  • I could NOT keep that from my DH, plus if I did I think he would be upset that I didn't tell him right away.
  • Of course I'll tell my DH the same day I get a positive on the digital.  Whether our [future] pregnancy ends in a loss or not, there is NO way I could keep that from him.  He wants a child as much as I do and he's kept informed on my cycle and what is going on.  If we do have a mc, it's his baby that was lost as well as mine and he has a right to grieve that loss. 

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  • imageericksa:
    Not really, that's just 2 of us being miserable rather than 1.

    So, if you got pregnant and had another miscarriage, you wouldn't tell him?

    If that's the case, that's cruel. I could never do that to my husband.

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  • imageericksa:
    Not really, that's just 2 of us being miserable rather than 1.

    Ok you do understand that just because its in YOUR ute,its still his baby? I am pretty sure MH would never forgive me if I get KU, didnt tell him and had a secret miscarriage. How would you feel if the situation were reversed and your husband carried the baby and didnt tell YOU?

    Thats like saying if your husband got fired and went on unemployment you wouldnt want him to tell you because then youd both be miserable, only nowhere near as bad as a secret pregnancy.


  • No way I could hide that from my husband, tell him first.
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  • I don't see any reason to wait to tell DH. In my opinion, he should know as soon as I know! The only reason you wait to tell other people is in case it does not work out. That would be something that your husband would obviously know about regardless.
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  • imageericksa:
    Not really, that's just 2 of us being miserable rather than 1.

    Really?  My husband would want to know why I was "miserable" and I don't he'd take it well when I respond, "I'm miserable because I miscarried"

    To each their own I suppose.

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  • I would tell him the second I found out, but that's just me! :-)
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  • imagekdodge423:

    imageericksa:
    Not really, that's just 2 of us being miserable rather than 1.

    That is quite possibly one of the dumbest things I have ever read. Seriously.

    So if you have a child and it gets seriously ill, you aren't going to tell him because it would make him sad too?

     

    This - it's a marriage, a partnership.  When one person is down, the other helps to pick them up. 

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  • imageericksa:
    Not really, that's just 2 of us being miserable rather than 1.

    It takes two of you to make a baby, and he has just as much of a right to know what happened, and to go through the pain of the loss, as you do.  That's what marriage is for - a partnership, being there for each other in the good and the bad. 

    I really hope you don't have to go through another loss, but if you ever do, it would be really wrong and selfish to keep it from him.

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  • honestly I think the notion is kind of antiquated and most husbands are much more involved in the pregnancy, labor and parenting process as a whole. I couldn't do it without Dh so that would never work for me. I usually couldn't even wait until he got home to tell him. I told him over the phone (lame).

     

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  • imagekdodge423:

    imageericksa:
    Not really, that's just 2 of us being miserable rather than 1.

    That is quite possibly one of the dumbest things I have ever read. Seriously.

    So if you have a child and it gets seriously ill, you aren't going to tell him because it would make him sad too?

     

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  • imageericksa:
    Not really, that's just 2 of us being miserable rather than 1.

    I realize I'm a little late to the party, but this comment is just ridiculous.  Would you try to hide the fact that you were miserable while around him?  Put on a happy face and try to act normal, then quietly cry yourself to sleep?  That is not a healthy relationship.  

    In regards to the original question, the ONLY reason I would ever tell my doc first is if I got an appointment the same day to confirm while my husband was at work.  Then I would wait to tell him in person when he got home.

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