Sometimes facing reality hurts...

JayandTay09

So after a very rough last week my dh and I were laying in bed the other night and cuddling and he said "Would now be a good time to talk about something that has been bugging me for awhile?"....I wasn't really thinking it was a good time but I agreed and was hit with the hard truth...My dh told me he thinks I need to start digging myself out of this dark hold I am in because he doesn't feel like I am the same happy and fun and funny woman he feel in love with...He said he loves me no matter what but I have lost my sparkle and my sense of me...And even though I was so upset he would say something like that - he is right...I have spent the last year in this dark place feeling sad and depressed and I have lost sight of all the good things in my life and the things that make me happy...I have allowed our losses to consume my life...And while those babies will ALWAYS be a part of who I am, they would want their mommy to be happy...

So I thought long and hard...I have allowed my dh to do everything around the house - I have completely slacked in helping with the duties in the house...I gained 20lbs in the last year and hate what I see in the mirror...I stopped doing things I enjoyed - running, reading, scrapbooking....Well it is time to get back to me...

So here is the improved me...I started making to do lists for this week - I used to love listing everything out and highlighting it off as I completed it...I always have a sense of organization and accomplishment that way...I am getting back into running because I want to and it makes me feel good - not because I have to....And I joined Weight Watchers...It is time to be a healthy and happy me so I can bring a baby into this world...

Sorry that was so long - I just started typing and couldn't stop!

Scout05

I think we can all relate to that feeling of losing ourselves in this process.

I am so, so proud of you for taking these first steps. I think it is really brave of you.

Olive44

That's great that you have made the decision to change some things in your life.  It's hard to not let the losses and TTCAL consume you,  but the fact that you realize you need to make some changes and focus on your happiness as well is wonderful. 

DoingItRight

Good Luck!!!  I hope that you can re-gain your sparkle.

Court1

:::tears:::

Partially because I'm happy that you're taking steps to get back to things you enjoy, partially because I see myself in a lot of your words.  I hope you can get back to a happy place.

::::Hugs::::

surfergirlkona

Big hugs. Sometimes the bitter truth hurts but it will help us move to a better place in our lives. It is so sad that we have had to endure such heartache, it is very hard not to lose oneself throughout it all. I am glad you had a discussion and that you are going to focus on the good things in life. It is to easy to dwell on the bad, it is work to live happily. I am very proud of you. My dh and I have had these discussions and arguments several times, yesterday being one of those days. In the dark days we have to come together and move towards the light. You go girl! We are all behind you cheering you on!

ERICA21779

Sometimes it takes hearing it out loud to snap you out of it, even if it's something you kind of already knew.......big (((hugs))))   and I give you lots of credit setting these new goals for yourself!

babygirlpriest

Hugs sweetie!

DH has said the same thing to me - that he misses the person I was before our losses... I feel like I lost 'me' in all this, too.

Good for you for taking steps to get back to where you want to be.

hbkises

I agree with Allison, I think we've all been there.  I didn't realize how isolated I made myself until DH and I had a similar conversation as you.  I'm glad your DH loves you enough to talk to you :-)

I''m happy you took the first couple steps...Good luck! 

I love lists too!

babes12

i think that is the point my DH reached last week as well.  he told me TTC was consuming our lives which of course it has.  it's hard b/c i dont' know how to just turn it off and i constantly worry that something is wrong w/ me and that's why wer'e not getting pg. etc...

i hope getting back to yourself will be a tremendous weight off your shoulders. i hope to be there myself soon.

JayandTay09

Thanks for the support ladies...It was so hard to hear it from my dh...Even though I knew that I had lost myself in all of this and that ttc had consumed my life...It feels good to start to getting back to me and to get my life back...I loved the happy person I used to be and I am excited to see her again!

Aubs13

I think we can all relate to your feeling of losing yourself.  It seems to happen so easily when we have to face what we have.  I'm so proud of you for motivating yourself to get back into the "old you".  Good luck, sweetie!  You'll be sparkling in no time!

mdm2137

I'm so glad hon. I hope you will find your happy self again! Hugs.

KristysRedBarn

Hugs.  I think we can all relate.

dondraandluis

I totally understand that. I'm glad you are able to do this! I hope it helps you!

rjl07

I can definitely relate to this too.  I hope you can get back to your old self soon.  ((hugs))

dandyelle

My husband said almost the same thing to me... It was all I needed to hear.

Enjoy every single moment... It will be scary sometimes, but you will feel brand new. And the journey back really is a good one.

AGFaso

Thank you.  You have inspired me to do the same.  Good luck!!