Are spouses normally not invited to rehearsal dinners?

C.Mo

Refresh my memory please. DH is a groomsman in a wedding next weekend and he was told over the phone that no spouses are invited. I know it's probably unfair for me to be hurt, but I sort of am. I know that they probably aren't paying for it, so it isn't their say, but I don't know. It just feels like I'm sort of left out now since I am friends with the couple as well.

At least I get some mother-daughter time with DD while DH is out. That will be fun.  

christiney06

wow, i have never heard of that! every time DH or I have been in a wedding (and these were all pre-marriage) the other has been invited to the RD.  i can't imagine excluding a spouse!! i think that's pretty rude.

healthynut

I am in a wedding and the bride (my BFF) insisted to her MIL (who is paying for the rehearsal dinner) that spouses be invited b/c her MIL was not planning on inviting anyone who is not in the actual wedding.  I can see both sides and I guess it happens both ways.  Her MIL is not happy about it, but they are invited.  My DH was excited for a second b/c he thought he got out of it.

SoHopeful

ummm....no...that is NOT normal and actually it's pretty damn rude.

AJBMD915

In my experience, spouses, FIs, SOs are always invited to the rehearsal dinner.  I would be a little hurt, especially since you're friends with the couple too.  Although, they might be paying for it and maybe just couldn't afford it with lots of OOT family coming?

erino&chrish

Really?  I have never in my life heard of that.  Usually rehearsal dinners are groomsman/bridesmaids and their spouses as well as out of town guests and spouses (sometimes people skip the out-of-towners if there are too many of them or if they are on a small budget).  That sounds pretty darn rude to me.  I'd be tempted to give them a cheap wedding gift since they are being cheap about the rehearsal dinner.

mrsmyers8

My DH was in a wedding and i too was not invited to the rehersal dinner.  With money the way it is now i do get it.  

BengalBelle

I've never heard that before.  I don't think we included random dates at our rehearsal dinner (I can't remember) - but I know spouses or long time significant others were included.

C.Mo

mrsmyers8:

My DH was in a wedding and i too was not invited to the rehersal dinner.  With money the way it is now i do get it.  

That's the thing. I get it too. But there are just so many things about this particular situation that bug me. I'm not going to point them out here because it would make me look like an a-hole, but I'm pretty irritated. 

katekirschner

I've always been invited to RD's when DH has been in weddings. Even when we were only together for a year or so. It's not like you're in high school and your random boyfriend date isn't invited, it's your spouse! Rude to the max!

CalinsBride

I think that's rude. The spouses of anyone in the party should be invited to the RD, IMO.

macchiatto

I haven't heard of that, either. If you can't afford to feed the spouses, do a cookout at a park or something else casual, laidback and inexpensive. IMO that's better than excluding them.

C.Mo

macchiatto:

I haven't heard of that, either. If you can't afford to feed the spouses, do a cookout at a park or something else casual, laidback and inexpensive. IMO that's better than excluding them.

This is exactly how I feel. They are going to a pretty pricey restaurant. 

The whole thing that's killing me is the fact that all the spouses were the only ones who showed up at the bride's shower. And now we're the only ones not invited to the RD. Not cool. 

nv40

macchiatto:

I haven't heard of that, either. If you can't afford to feed the spouses, do a cookout at a park or something else casual, laidback and inexpensive. IMO that's better than excluding them.

 

Winner.  

lzybeanie

Any rehearsal dinner I've been to has practically been a mini-wedding! So spouses were always invited. BUT, while it seems kind of odd to exclude spouses, I can see how it can easily get out of hand. Is it a large bridal party? I think it's funny (especially if it's a large wedding) to try and cut corners with the rehearsal dinner, but I wouldn't take it personally. At least you don't have to get a sitter two nights in a row!

C.Mo

lzybeanie:

Any rehearsal dinner I've been to has practically been a mini-wedding! So spouses were always invited. BUT, while it seems kind of odd to exclude spouses, I can see how it can easily get out of hand. Is it a large bridal party? I think it's funny (especially if it's a large wedding) to try and cut corners with the rehearsal dinner, but I wouldn't take it personally. At least you don't have to get a sitter two nights in a row!

It is a fairly large bridal party. But the thing is, the bride and groom have a few couples in the party, and the rest are unmarried and not in a relationship. That basically means about 3 of us don't get invited. It's just kind of sucky that there will be a few people there that will have their SO, but not others. Doesn't seem very fair to me. 

aniceucchik

SoHopeful:

ummm....no...that is NOT normal and actually it's pretty damn rude.

This, exactly.

jannv11

In my experience they are always invited!

lzybeanie

C.Mo:

lzybeanie:

Any rehearsal dinner I've been to has practically been a mini-wedding! So spouses were always invited. BUT, while it seems kind of odd to exclude spouses, I can see how it can easily get out of hand. Is it a large bridal party? I think it's funny (especially if it's a large wedding) to try and cut corners with the rehearsal dinner, but I wouldn't take it personally. At least you don't have to get a sitter two nights in a row!

It is a fairly large bridal party. But the thing is, the bride and groom have a few couples in the party, and the rest are unmarried and not in a relationship. That basically means about 3 of us don't get invited. It's just kind of sucky that there will be a few people there that will have their SO, but not others. Doesn't seem very fair to me. 

Yeah, that's ridiculous. Is it being paid for by the groom's family? And are they the ones cutting the list? If that's the case the bride or groom could have at least said 'look, we don't have a choice, it's our parents that are making this decision.' At least then you know it's not coming from them. I mean our rehearsal was insane...I think like 50-60 people?  b/c my mom decided that out of town guests needed to be included as well. Luckily my inlaws felt the same way. I just don't get cutting 3 people out. Like I said, I wouldn't be offended, but it is very odd.

mielkede

erino&chrish:

Really?  I have never in my life heard of that.  Usually rehearsal dinners are groomsman/bridesmaids and their spouses as well as out of town guests and spouses (sometimes people skip the out-of-towners if there are too many of them or if they are on a small budget).  That sounds pretty darn rude to me.  I'd be tempted to give them a cheap wedding gift since they are being cheap about the rehearsal dinner.

This 

Sage Mommy

I've never heard of this. Hoiw big is the bridal party?  It's not like by not inviting spouses they were cutting back on 50 people. Have a cheaper casual dinner IMO.

Shayna0182

Sage Mommy:

I've never heard of this. Hoiw big is the bridal party?  It's not like by not inviting spouses they were cutting back on 50 people. Have a cheaper casual dinner IMO.

This.  If I found out it was because of the couple vs the parents's decision, it's likely the gift would be in the $10.00 range.  Especially since you've already been to the bridal shower.  That's tacky imo.