Confidence

KristysRedBarn

Have you lost some of your confidence since your loss or since dealing with IF?  I use to be a very confident person and even in situations where I wasn't totally confident, I could at least fake it.  That isn't the case anymore.  After the loss I went through some anxiety, that is generally gone, but my confidence never came back.  In fact, I think it's gotten worse as time has gone on.  It's starting to affect all aspects of my life, and I think it's making my job hunting situation worse.  Have you dealt with this and if so how have you gotten it back?

Aubs13

I have no advice for you, as I've noticed the same with myself lately.  I just wanted you to know you're not alone....{{HUGS}}

tojuwa

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I think after our 2nd loss, I felt hit with more than grief.  I felt a lot of issues come up in regards to self-confidence.  I can't say I have it back, but I am working on it.  I'm seeing a therapist for it and other issues and learning a ton.  I would highly recommend it.  I hope you find a way to get it back that works for you.  Big hugs!

 

babygirlpriest

Yup.

Sadly a big part of my confidence came from feeling good about the way I look. Don't get me wrong. I've never been mistaken for Jessica Alba, but I was comfortable with my body. Three mc in 1 year has turned me rather sludgy. And now, inside, I just feel like a sad, pitiful, sludgy, doughy failure... so yeah, makes the 'fake it' part much harder.

And in general I'm just a bit more on edge. My friends are thinking about having kids, talking about how easy it is to get preg, tense waiting for someone to ask me, sitting silently waiting for everyone around me to shut the hell up, etc.

 

ERICA21779

lots of ((((hugs)))))..........I truly wish I had some magical cure that I could send your way to help you gain some of that confidence back........

dandyelle

*sigh*

As if losing a child isn't hard enough, then there's the IF. The aftermath is almost as crippling.  Last summer I went through a terrible depression. Once, I called in sick for 3 days in a row because I simply could not get out of bed. It was awful. I never put on make up or did anything with my hair. I can't tell you what clothes I wore- I paid no mind. I didn't answer the phone, didn't cook dinner, let the house go to hell. I couldn't imagine how anyone had anything to say to me, and my life felt like one huge embarrassment. I couldn't have a kid, and now my life was in shambles. I even got in trouble at work.

One day DH just said, "What is WRONG with you?!? You sleep all the time, you never go anywhere, you're calling into work. What is the problem?" Honestly, it startled me that anyone had noticed.

For me, I had to resolve to work on it, every. single. day. I made myself get up, shower, put makeup on. Even if I wasn't going anywhere. And I enlisted DH and my mom to help keep me busy. Movie dates, lunch, walks, anything that kept me up and about. It was a slow process, but eventually I was able to keep the momentum on my own two feet.

I know you have a lot going on, with a 100+ year old farm home, DH gone a lot, going to all these appointments on your own. It's hard to make time for yourself, but you have to. You absolutely deserve to feel good.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. If people love you IRL half as much as we all do, I know they will be more than happy to lend a hand, or an ear. I know as women we are supposed to be able to handle it all, but that's crap. When things keep going wrong, it's hard to feel good about yourself and your life.

I'm always here... If you want my number for someone to text or chat with, I would be more than happy. Lord knows I could use a push as well.

I heart you Kristy, and I am so sorry you're feeling sad.

 

Olive44

I'm so sorry you are feeling that way, Kristy.  I have always struggled with a lack of confidence and low self esteem, and I can totally understand how this struggle can intensify that.  (((hugs)))

KristysRedBarn

Thanks ladies.  While it sucks that so many of us are going through this, it's nice to know I'm not alone.

butterfly843

Sending hugs. I have struggle with my confidence since november. If you ever need to talk I'm here.

maceymay1816

I understand completely how you feel.  My confidence has taken a major hit with the losses and when I talking with a friend thse other night I realized that this whole process has somehow made me feel less of a woman as well.  The IF process is not easy and it is completely understandable that it would be weighing on your confidence.  Personally, I have a strong faith and that seems to be the only thing that has helped to pull me out of my funk, not that I'd say I'm completely feeling great, but for me personally, the more I focus on my faith the more I am at peace with this process and the better I feel about myself.  I know faith is a touchy subject on the boards but for me it's really helped in maintaining a positive attitude. 

I don't know what the right answer is for you, but having someone to really confide in and someone to help boost your self esteem is essential.  I'm sending hugs your way and hoping you get your groove back soon, it's not fun to feel that way and you are exactly right that if you don't have your confidence personally then professionally it's not going to show either.  I wish you the best!!