I have a bully twin - how to deal

jbl126

Lauryn is my more aggressive twin.  And lately she is getting pretty mean to Ava.  Wherever Ava goes or plays with, Lauryn is right there behind her to steal it.  And now she has started to pull on Ava's clothes.  I try to redirect and tell her that we dont hit or pull on Ava.  It isnt nice.  And then she looks right at me with the devilish grin and does it again.  And each time I take her hand away and tell her no, she laughs and thinks we are playing.  Even if I move her across the room and give her other toys, she crawls/walks right back to where Ava is.  It has gotten to the point, where Ava starts screaming or crying when Lauryn comes near her.  Or she'll just drop whatever she is playing with so lauryn wont bother her. 

I just dont know how I should deal with this situation.  Sometimes they can play nicely together but it never lasts long. 

BelleBaby

Must be the age!  Mine do the same thing, except we never know who is going to be the bully.  Over the weekend I bought them a little play Dirt Devil vacuum.  I got it mostly for Eli because he LOVES the vacuum and Ben's not so crazy about it.  But he has the popcorn popper so I figured that made it even.  NOT EVEN CLOSE!  They both wanted to play with it so badly that the one that didn't have it was in nuclear meltdown when the other one got it!  We tried letting them each have it for 5 minutes at a time, but I guess 14 month olds don't understand sharing quite yet! 

So it is now hiding in the closet until I can get a second one next weekend!

I honestly have no advice.  Just sympathy because we're there too! 

This too shall pass, right??  Right?????

jenn_darrin1515

Milina is my bully twin...no advice...just wanted to let you know you are not alone...she is always stealing ava's toys and then if ava accidentally takes somethine m is heading towards she pitchers a massive fit...I just keep giving the stolen toy back to ava and moving milina...hopefully soon she'll get that stealing isn't nice...

jbl126

Thanks ladies for letting me know you are going through this as well.  Sometimes it really makes me question my parenting. 

I guess this is just another fun phase to work through.

leslie13510

At that age, I'd intervene if there was any kind of hitting or pushing involved, but if it was just stealing toys I tried to let them work it out by themselves.  They didn't understand sharing yet, and honestly they handled it faster on their own than if I tried to step in.  Sometimes that meant Nathan didn't get to play with what he wanted because he wouldn't stand up to Riley and take it back, and technically that's not fair I know.  But, after a couple months he got to the point where he wouldn't let her take things from him.  And after a while of him not letting her take the toy he was playing with, she stopped trying as often.  They still fight over things obviously, but it's not as one-sided as it used to be. 

Now that they're a little older they're starting to understand that you can't take things from other people.  They still do it of course, but when they do I'll say, "Nathan, Riley was playing with that.  Give it back to Sissy."  I usually get an "awww man!" look and then the toy gets handed back.  Most of the time.  It's a work in progress, but we're doing better than we were a few months ago. 

heathb21

It must be the age!  But the bully twin switches!  Be happy yours don't have too much hair...because mine don't pull clothes, they YANK hair!  I usually let them work it out if it's just stealing toys.  But I do stop it if it goes to hair pulling or pushing. 

janjag

if vivi steals audrey's object, i just quickly get something else for audrey.  if i take it back from vivi then i have two meltdowns instead of one.  redirect and distract is the mantra   and yes, it sucks. 

buying 2 of something doesn't always work either!  sometimes they fight over something new until the newness wears off.  in the case of a new toy, i might try introducing it to them separately, like if one wakes up before the other.  idk, i'm searching here. 

BelleBaby

janjag:

if vivi steals audrey's object, i just quickly get something else for audrey.  if i take it back from vivi then i have two meltdowns instead of one.  redirect and distract is the mantra   and yes, it sucks. 

buying 2 of something doesn't always work either!  sometimes they fight over something new until the newness wears off.  in the case of a new toy, i might try introducing it to them separately, like if one wakes up before the other.  idk, i'm searching here. 

I think that's about the best any of us can hope for!  Sometimes there just are no answers, just surviving and moving on to the next phase!

janjag

leslie13510:

At that age, I'd intervene if there was any kind of hitting or pushing involved, but if it was just stealing toys I tried to let them work it out by themselves.  They didn't understand sharing yet, and honestly they handled it faster on their own than if I tried to step in.  Sometimes that meant Nathan didn't get to play with what he wanted because he wouldn't stand up to Riley and take it back, and technically that's not fair I know.  But, after a couple months he got to the point where he wouldn't let her take things from him.  And after a while of him not letting her take the toy he was playing with, she stopped trying as often.  They still fight over things obviously, but it's not as one-sided as it used to be. 

Now that they're a little older they're starting to understand that you can't take things from other people.  They still do it of course, but when they do I'll say, "Nathan, Riley was playing with that.  Give it back to Sissy."  I usually get an "awww man!" look and then the toy gets handed back.  Most of the time.  It's a work in progress, but we're doing better than we were a few months ago. 

i am shocked (and impressed!) that you are already having success at 18mos! 

leslie13510

janjag:

leslie13510:

At that age, I'd intervene if there was any kind of hitting or pushing involved, but if it was just stealing toys I tried to let them work it out by themselves.  They didn't understand sharing yet, and honestly they handled it faster on their own than if I tried to step in.  Sometimes that meant Nathan didn't get to play with what he wanted because he wouldn't stand up to Riley and take it back, and technically that's not fair I know.  But, after a couple months he got to the point where he wouldn't let her take things from him.  And after a while of him not letting her take the toy he was playing with, she stopped trying as often.  They still fight over things obviously, but it's not as one-sided as it used to be. 

Now that they're a little older they're starting to understand that you can't take things from other people.  They still do it of course, but when they do I'll say, "Nathan, Riley was playing with that.  Give it back to Sissy."  I usually get an "awww man!" look and then the toy gets handed back.  Most of the time.  It's a work in progress, but we're doing better than we were a few months ago. 

i am shocked (and impressed!) that you are already having success at 18mos! 

At about 14 months I thought they would never be able to understand things like that, but you will be AMAZED at how much they begin to pick up over the next few months.  You're about to enter a very rapid period of growth, both mentally and physically, and it will seem like they're learning new things every day.  It's crazy!  I know it seems like teaching a 14 month old anything is like talking to a wall, but keep at it because they will start figuring it out soon. 

KoCoLoCo

Ugh, you are definitely not alone.  Our bully (DD) will steal toys, fight for attention, etc., and if she doesn't get her way she will pull clothes, or even hit or bite DS (how do they learn this???).  We just keep with the firmness by moving DD to the side and telling her No, we don't bite, that hurts, etc.  It has to end at some point right???

seattlestef

You aren't alone! That's all I've got.