Any Kindergarten teachers here?

niecy

I have an issue I wanna run by you

lucyfox

Not currently, but I'm a former kinder teacher for 5 years.

What's the issue?

niecy

my son started kinder 3 weeks ago. On week 2 we got a note sent home w/an undone project stating "Dylan could not complete this because he put glue on a student please talk to him" I talked to my son and he said the kid was poking him. I emailed the teacher stating what I'd done and what Dylan said. The then responded and mentioned that Dylan "acted silly" a lot and wondered if he had behavioral problems. I was seriously shocked about both encounters. My son has always been the most well behaved kid.She doesn't even know me or him and now I feel like she's labeling. Then yesterday she sends us an email about him hitting a kid. I think all of this is so ridiculous and her standards are too high. Am I off course or is she off her rocker?

lucyfox

Well just hearing this- I'd say she sounds SUPA uptight.  I mean first off, the first month of school is all about procedures.  It literally takes a few months to 'train' the kids the routine - and that includes how to use glue   A kinder putting glue on another kid (if he really did that) is par for the course.  They are freakin 4 and 5 years old, ya know?

 Acting silly?  To me- again, totally typical.  The best behaved kid on earth will "act silly" FFS, kindergarten is supposed to be fun.  Yes, it's academic but there is songs, play, crafts etc.  

I think the behavioral comments is way out of like- especially over email???  Very unprofesh.  I'd maybe set up a meeting with her- or better yet sit in on a class and see for yourself how he acts (or more like how does she act with the kids).  I'd be interested to know how her class is run and if her expectations are a little off for 4/5 year olds.

 All that said, I've sent work home before that was undone.  That part is no biggie- and the other kid probably WAS poking him.  I'd ignore all that and just tell my kid what to do if a kid pokes him.  

 And why is she emailing so much?  If she is that concerned (behavior issues) a face to face is more appropriate.  

niecy

Thanks Lucy. I agree w/you. And she's emailing cuz she has no balls. I'm sitting in on class this week and I'm saving all her emails. I can't believe we're going through this in freaking Kinder! I sent her an email asking if Dylan does anything right and how his work is because we've heard nothing but negative things which is a red flag. I'm not saying my son is an angel but everyone who has met him has told me how well behaved he is, and now all of the sudden he's an "issue?" I want to punch her in the face.

dawnc78

I agree, that is completely unprofessional...if she has such deep concerns, she needed to set up a meeting with you. She seems to be a little too quick to judge and have some misconceptions about appropriate development of 4/5 year olds.

As both a parent and a teacher I would say not to bring up the other kid (unless you are concerned for ds's safety) it doesn't matter what the other kid did to provoke the glue incident, and she shouldn't tell you or have to tell you how she chose to handle that child and their behavior just like you wouldn't expect her to tell the other parent how she addressed your son's behavior.

I wouldn't be upset about undone work being sent home...this is common in all grades, and serves as an accountability piece for the children, as they have to present their undone work and explain why it is not completed. I would ask her to refrain from e-mailing you regarding specific incidences that she is concerned about and call or e-mail you asking you to call her instead. E-mails can be lost, hacked, or in some cases read by the child (content is not always worded for their eyes). A call is more professional, confidential, and it leaves less room for interpretation. You get your questions answered immediately and you can accurately read tone and inflection.

The only times I e-mail a parent is with class news (newsletters, announcements, etc.) or praise for the child (kids love to have it in writing that they did well). Any concerns I may have about a student are brought up in a phone or in-person conversation.

dawnc78

P.S. if he's always been so well behaved and is now suddenly an issue...I would question whether or not he is being challenged...are the tasks too easy, too hard...not structured enough, were directions given? all of these things could lead to ANY 5yo goofing off!

lucyfox

I hear ya.  Any sort of "label" the first month of school is just jumping the gun (unless of course there are some major red flags but that is more like severe issues - and those you can almost see right off).  How they behave is what you teach them.  I expect all my kinders to "not behave" they all have to be totally trained on how to do every little thing- line up, use the glue, use the bathroom, EVERYTHING.  What, really, does this lady expect in week 3?

Weird.  Sorry he's having such a crappy start.  She sounds like a peach.

championmama

I didn't bother to quote, b/c I agree with so much already said.  I don't have a classroom, but I'm an SLP and am very familiar with the Kinder crowd.  Communication by email on this topic is absurd and unprofessional.  I would blatantly tell her that from now on if it's not something informal then you want it verbally.  I realize email is a time-saver, especially on the part of a super-busy kindergarten teacher.  but, she's going out of your way to bring up behavioral issues on email.  If that were such a valid concern, she needs to address it face to face.

Has she changed the seating arrangment so that your son is not near the "poker"?

Watch next week when you observe and see how she handles the other kids and their behaviors.  Is she younger/older, new teacher - maybe new to Kindergarten?  If things dont' get better, or you still have concerns after observing, then speak to the principal or guidance counselor. 

If your son hasn't been in preschool before now, he has to learn the rules and structure.  It's a big change for these kids, even the ones who did go to preschool.  It's ridiculous of her to expect him to know that this first week. 

Good luck, and stand your ground.  If she keeps making an issue of such a non-issue, request he be moved to another teacher.  But, I'd wait and see for things to improve first. 

CubbyMama

I agree with a lot of what dawn said, although I don't see a huge problem with the email thing.  At my school, we have ONE phone line for the entire school (50+ teachers), so if you try to make a phone call after school, it's almost impossible to get a line.  Email is so much easier, and considering how many parents aren't home until after dinnertime, anyway, it seems pretty convenient all the way around to just drop someone a line and let them read it when they get a chance.  Clearly, I wouldn't use email for a giant or complicated issue, but I've been known to drop a parent a quick line saying, "I just wanted to let you know that I talked to Joey today about using kind words with his friends, after he called another student a [whatever].  If you have any questions or would like to discuss what happened in detail, feel free to let me know!  Thanks for your support." 

Overall, I think it sounds like he's pretty normal but that the teacher wants to make you aware of everything from the get-go, which is, in my experience, MUCH better than thinking of each small incident as "no big deal" or not worthy of a phone call, and then having to explain why he got a low behavior grade on his report card after an entire grading period's worth of "nothings" add up to something, KWIM?  We just started our school year, and we see practically every parent at drop-off and pick-up times, so it's really easy to just let them know quickly at those times if any problem occurred with their child.  Even if it's not a major deal or outside the norm, we do tell them things like, "He struggled to sit in his square during read-aloud today, so we'll keep working on that."  It's done with a smile and a reminder to the child that tomorrow is another day. 

Is it normal for a 5-year-old to be wiggly during a story, put glue on another kid, etc?  Totally!  But kindergarten is about working out things like that, so we keep parents aware of where their kids are at.  I'm guessing the teacher isn't trying to demonize your kiddo or imply that he's out of control, but just to keep you informed.  I see where you're coming from, but that parental instinct to get defensive when it comes to your child (and I have that, too!) may be coming through a little bit here, too.   GL getting it worked out!

lucyfox

CubbyMama:

I'm guessing the teacher isn't trying to demonize your kiddo or imply that he's out of control, but just to keep you informed.

 Maybe so, but she is asking the mom if he has "behavioral problems."  I don't see that as informing her of everyday happenenings "with a smile" you know?  

I get that we are only hearing her side but it's week 3 FFS.  They all have behavior issues in week 3!  I (personally) don't really start informing the parent of every little wiggle/glue incident/etc at drop off/pick up until they have all had a chance/time to get in the groove and understand what is expected of them. 

 

CubbyMama

I wanted to add that if she literally asked if he "has any behavior problems," that does seem a little strange based just on what you've heard about (and I wonder whether he'll behave the same when you're there observing as he does when you're not...for better or for worse, as I've seen it both ways!).  As far as the hitting thing goes, I think that even though it is still normal for kids that age to be impulsive and hit others, she's obligated to address that immediately.  If it was your son who'd been hit by another child, and you found out she didn't report it to that child's parents because it's "not a big deal" and "kids that age shouldn't be expected to behave perfectly" or whatever, wouldn't you be annoyed?  I totally would!  

I guess my point is, I understand where you're coming from, but I see the other side, too.  I've been lucky not to have any major conflicts with parents before, but I've seen my colleagues go through it, and it's a bummer when a teacher means well and has a parent tell them off and go to administration over something that turned out to just be a miscommunication or a matter of perspective, rather than wrongdoing.  Maybe just see how things play out before writing her off as incompetent or a total idiot, ya know?  Again, good luck, and I hope your little guy does have a great year!

ETA: lucyfox, we cross-posted! Yeah, I see the issue with that statement in particular.

niecy

Thanks Cubby! An honest question for you, woud you ever ask a parent if their child had behavioral probelms because they had "acted silly" a few times? To me that's very offensive.

niecy

here's the actual email:

I have had a few in incidents where Dylan is ?acting silly? and needs reminders to get back to work.  I know that he is a smart boy and I am wondering if he had any trouble in pre-school with his behavior.  Any insight that you have would be helpful to me.  Since it is so early in the year I am not too concerned about it right now, I just want to make sure that we don?t have a problem later on in the year.

Thanks again for your support and I will keep you updated if we have any problems in the future.

lucyfox

Yeah cubs, the hitting I'd def address.  Agree with you about that.  It just seems like telling a parent in week three he's "acting silly" and asking about behavior issues would put me on the defense real fast.

 

 

CubbyMama

niecy:

Thanks Cubby! An honest question for you, woud you ever ask a parent if their child had behavioral probelms because they had "acted silly" a few times? To me that's very offensive.

Yeesh...yeah, like I said, that's the only part that seems kind of "off" to me.  If nothing else, not a great choice of words on her part!  I definitely wouldn't say anything like that to a parent, in person OR by email, and wonder what she means by "acting silly."  It's strange to think of K going out into the world without me (she starts preschool on Tuesday) and I wonder how she'll act when I'm not around, b/c I've had parents tell me their kid is totally different between home and school--either I have to talk to them about a behavior issue and they're shocked b/c s/he is "an angel" at home (which isn't too common, really), or I praise their awesome behavior and the parent goes, "Well, I wish s/he was like that at home!"  Maybe you can observe in a way that he won't see you, so you can find out if he's doing anything strange, or if she's just a freak!