BFing and In-Laws

Steph_in_NJ

Looking for some perspective and ideas on this. My in-laws are pretty uncomfortable with me nursing -- my MIL will be in the same room but won't really look at me, even if we're having a conversation. My FIL is very uncomfortable so when he's there I'll take DD to another room when she gets hungry. At first I was OK with this, but I'm now more comfortable with it myself and am getting tired of being in the other room to nurse. I feel like I'm missing out, at family dinners everyone's talking and laughing and I'm in another room or upstairs by myself.

In a couple of weeks we're going on vacation with them for 4 days, and I'm not looking forward to being kind of sent away every time DD needs to eat. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, but wish that I could stay in the same room. Also on the trip will be my SIL and her new fiance (who I've known for a couple of years).

Is it expecting too much from them to "let" me sit and nurse with them? DD doesn't like to use a cover, and I feel like using the cover draws more attention to myself than just nursing her would. 

 

humynone

I nurse in front of people...but use a cover to make them more comfortable. DD isn't a huge fan of them either, but I'm tall so can't discretely slip her under my shirt, so we get by with the cover.

elizabe

I felt the exact same way at the beginning too! Now, we're living with them temporarily until the end of the month, so I felt like I had to start nursing in front of them or I would really feel excluded.

Honestly, a lot has to do with your own attitude about it, which it took me a long time to realize. If I'm nursing and I carry on conversation like it's nothing, most of the time they'll take my cue now. I usually add less to conversation while I'm nursing just because I'm distracted anyway. I know it's hard, but try to be as relaxed as if you were bottlefeeding in front of them. (I find I have to relax anyway for letdown). Tell yourself it's normal and you're doing what's best for your baby. You're also being a pioneer for your SIL-- if in future she decides to have children and BF, it will be more normal for her to NIP because everyone will remember "oh yeah, Steph did that too..."

The best thing to do is probably to wear your easiest nursing outfit for the first day-- something that you can nurse in pretty discreetly-- and just go for it. After a few feedings, they'll get at least semi-used to it (I hope!).

notreallyirish

DS wasn't crazy about the cover either, but now doesn't really mind it.  I think it bugged him at first because I would get all worked up and tense when using it because I felt it drew so much attention.  It kind of does draw attention, but, then again, I was at a party with DH's coworkers--all ob/gyns--and their spouses and one of the female docs (who I guess is smart, but also kind of ditsy) actually asked "What's the baby doing under there?" Everybody laughed.

While I was visiting my family I generally went into the next room while nursing.  The layout of the house was such that I could still hear what was going on, but I am the only girl with 4 brothers and am just not comfortable nursing in front of them uncovered...they have enough issues with the fact that I'm a girl! ha!  I wish I were more comfortable, but it is what it is.  I think it is your comfort and the baby's comfort that matters most.  Try not to worry about other people. Easier said than done, I know.

CircleInTheSea

I no longer nurse in front of my FIL at his house.  He has expressed extreme discomfort and will get up out of the room and leave if I try to nurse in front of him, no matter how nonchalant about it I am.  My MIL and SIL are both comfortable with it, and my SIL's boyfriend hopefully will be too (I have yet to be in a position to nurse in front of him).  We have the unspoken agreement that while I'm in their home (Or on vacation with them- we went for 10 days with them to FL) we go to another room.  If it's in my house however, I don't budge a millimeter.  It just isn't and wasn't worth the argument/discomfort every time we needed to nurse. Sometimes, as much as we want to change a family members mind, it just won't happen and compromises get made to 'keep the peace', as it were.  I will say that I was the first family member to breastfeed, and did change both my MIL and FIL's perspective on the benefits of breastfeeding, so I guess there was some progress.  Maybe with the next baby, he won't be so stuffy .

Steph_in_NJ

Thanks everybody. I think I'll talk to DH and tell him how I'm feeling about it, so he can help with them if need be, and give it a shot while we're at the beach. And see how it goes. If it really freaks people out I'll have to go to another room, but hopefully they'll get more comfortable with it.

mjcleve

I nurse in front of everyone but use a cover.  DS plays with it and it's hard to keep it over him, but IMO a cover is better than a boob.  I myself would get uncomfortable if someone was nursing openly while talking to me...sorry.

 That being said...have they actually told you that it makes them uncomfortable or are you just assuming since they don't look at you?  I wouldn't worry about it.  Oh well if they don't look at you while talking.

mrsfirefly

I think since it is your in-laws that you should use the cover.

swimrbride

I don't nurse in front of my IL's but that has more to do with me not liking MIL so it gives me an excuse to get out of the room. But if you are comfortable with it then I say go for it. If it makes them uncomfortable then they can leave the room.  

cmd87

swimrbride:

If it makes them uncomfortable then they can leave the room.  

 This. Especially on vacation...at their house you may have to leave the room to make them feel more comfortable but at a vacation house they have no more claim on the room than you do.

nicobean1

My suggestion is to wear proper nursing wear that will allow you to nurse without a cover and still be discreet, or get a baby bond nursing cover, which will cover up you but not baby (at least that's what it says it does). If you're wearing a true nursing top, your exposure should be very short if at all, and once she's latched, if they're uncomfortable, you can throw a burp cloth over LO's head (this is what we did when I was nursing on the plane last week 'cause I was NOT in the mood to deal with a cover). I hate them, too.

Cinderllabride

I feed in front of my MIL because she told me she didn't care -she's actually a L&D nurse so she sees it all the time. Before that I would go to another room. If FIL or BIL are there I go to another room. I will pump in front of my female relatives w/o a cover if any male relatives are there I will throw a blanket over my shoulder or go to another room(which since my sister is also breastfeeding is not that bad). In public I use a cover and feed her most people ignore it and it doesn't really bother LO.