Please help - babies that won't fall asleep on their own!

pinkpeoniies

Hi, my DS will be 3 months next week.  Starting September he'll be going to day care (we still haven't nailed one down yet, it's been so frustrating!) but it will most likely be a home day care.  From the day he was born he has not been good with sleeping.  We slowly have been able to get him to sleep in the pack n play at night in our bedroom and he wakes up for feedings - usually goes back to sleep okay but sometimes takes walking/rocking/swinging to get him back. 

 During the day he naps mainly in his swing because he will not stay asleep in his pack n play for whatever reason.  He's a light sleeper during the day.  It requires walking/rocking/swinging to get him to take naps when I know he is tired - rubbing eyes, yawning, etc. but he fights sleep and will NOT go to sleep on his own.. so he gets cranky and ends up crying and sometimes gets himself into a tizzy so it requires a lot for me to get him to fall asleep.

We've let him cry for up to 20 minutes but he just gets himself so upset, sweating, breathing hard, screaming, etc. and I feel like it's still too young to let him cry it out.  I'm very nervous about him going to day care because I know they won't have nearly as much time as I do to pay this much attention to him.  My question is, has anyone had a baby like this and how did you get them to learn to fall asleep on their own or little attention.  Also, what age is okay to let them cry it out?  I'm scared he's going to be crying it out all day at day care.  Ugh, any advice would be MUCH appreciated.  Thanks and sorry so long!  I'm at my wit's end and it's sooo exhausting even for us.

cindy510

I'm in the same situation as you and was about to post the same thing.  LO is going to daycare in September and will not fall asleep unless she's held.  I have just started this week of putting her in her swing or crib to get her to fall asleep on her own but she just cries and cries.  I'm anxious to hear advice from others.  

lil_rhody

I know this is not helpful, but I was flipping out for the same reasons a few weeks ago. Just over the past week, it's like a switch has been flipped in my DS. He goes down much more easily now and he stays asleep much longer. I would give it some time. He might surprise you! Also, remind yourself that DCPs have seen it all before. They might be able to handle things that you might not because they are a new person.

bb80

20 minutes is too long, CIO is not reccomended until at LEAST 4 months.  Find a DCP that will work with you and put him to sleep however possible

KRMac

Do you use the seahorse or anything else like that?

After we got the seahorse, we could put DS down drowsy but awake and he would fall asleep on his own.   

suzalini

Easier said than done, but try not to worry about it too much.

My DS started at 3 months, and I was so nervous about it because the only way he would nap in his crib was swaddled, and my daycare will not swaddle and the kids all nap in cribs. And he was a catnapper--30-45 min at a time max. The first couple of weeks were rough, and he didn't nap well there at all (he'd fall asleep on the floor!) But around the 3rd week, he settled in, and started taking 1-2 hour naps in his crib. Now he's a great napper, and I really have daycare to thank for it! He can also fall asleep on his own now, because he has had to learn there.

Like PP said, DCPs are used to this, and deal with it all the time!

As for CIO or any kind of sleep training, I agree that it's too early. I just started with DS this past week and he'll be 5 months tomorrow. I'd wait until LO at least shows that she is capable of falling asleep on her own/self-soothing. (btw, I highly recommend reading Ferber's book)

Good luck!

ldoo

Yes, you'll be amazed at how much your baby will learn at day care. Try not to stress. But seriously, like other posters have said, do NOT let your baby cry like that at this age. That needs to be reserved to the 4-6 month range, closer to 6 months.

Jennicap

My son is 4 months and still doesn't fall asleep on his own. I've been reading Healthy sleep habits, happy child : a step-by-step program for a good night's sleep By Weissbluth, Marc. I haven't finished it only half way through but he talks a lot about watching for ques that LO is tired before they become overtired and if you hit it right they will fall asleep without a fight. I've been trying it and it works well so far!

pinkpeoniies

nelleebelle:

I used the shh/pat method from the baby whisperer.  She now puts herself to sleep pretty much all the time.  It involves some crying but not cry it out and there is an alternate method for 3-4 month olds (the one I used).  Try it!

Yes i've tried shh/pat/belly rub/singing without actually picking him up and he still just screams and screams.  

 I don't let him cry for 20 minutes very often - only a couple times but only because I wanted to see if it would work but clearly it doesn't.  I guess I will just keep waiting until he gets older.  I am going to the store tonight to get the seahorse, see if that does anything, doubtful though..

It's hard because I try to tell day cares that he is fussy with sleeping and never has put himself to sleep and most of them look at me like I "spoil" him .. one lady even said so jokingly.  I just don't feel like a home day care provider is going to give him that attention while taking care of the other kids.  I don't know.. I feel like none of the ones I interviewed seemed like they understood.

NC2Jersey

I have been in the same boat--my LO starts daycare in 2 weeks and I've been desperately trying to get him to nap better--I've been at it for over a month--just keep trying--my LO is getting better but still has his off days.  His ped. basically told me to focus on his night sleep--getting him to go up to 11 hours and that the naps will work themselves out--for now she said to lay him in his crib at the time he should nap, lucky for me my LO doesn't really cry until he is really over tired, he will just lay in his crib and look around the whole nap time---but I keep trying--I have to rock him a lot to and used to rely on the swing but I stopped at 3 months--I've read the Healthy Sleep Habits happy Chile and The Sleep lady's book, I'm combining the two--

It isn't easy and I just wanted to say you are not alone--I'm hoping what PP said is true and that daycare will help the situation--

Good Luck to you!

jarbatz

How many kids does your DCP have in the home at the same time. There should be a ratio lilke 4:1 requirement if she's licensed.  Also - if she's very experienced, she will know how to handle your child and how to juggle the others.

If you have doubts about her and her abilities, then that's not the right daycare for you.

 I will tell you that my DD started daycare at 3 months, and at the time she was sleeping swaddled, in her RnP and I was rocking her to sleep for naps and bedtime.  I was terrified she wouldn't sleep a wink.  The first day, she barely slept...the second day she slept better and now most days, she takes 3 good naps!  She will still have off days and miss a nap or cat nap all day but you're going to have that even if she's at home.  And its SO noisy there and while they don't let a baby cry, they won't pick the baby up and rock them to sleep - they just can't (at least not at DD's daycare)...if anything they will shake the crib (its on wheels) back and forth a bit but that's it.  Babies are SO adaptable - your DD will be fine! 

And we did Ferber at 4 months and it worked out great.  DD was ready for it and she sleeps wonderfully now and is so happy and rested.   Get the book and read it so when she is ready you are prepared!

leverby

Have you tried doing implementing some kind of "go to bed" routine -- with our baby it was take her to her room, draw the shades, play the white noise, no more talking, and just rock/walk with her quietly and slowly around the room until she became drowsy. I think the routine and the various "sleep time" cues help her wind down and be relaxed enough for her naps.  Also, I've noticed that she goes down for naps much more easily and frequently when she's with my parents (ie. not me), so I'm thinking (or would like to think) that she's just so excited around mom that she fights naps sometimes.

ANJ410

I don't have any daycare advice because I SAH, but your description of your DS sounds exactly how mine was as an infant. At four months old my pedi gave me the okay to let him CIO for up to 45 minutes for naps, but I felt that was too long and couldn't stand hearing him cry for more than 10-15 minutes max, so if he didn't fall asleep within that time frame, I would run in there and rock him to sleep.

I didn't do him any favors by doing that.  By a year old he still needed to be rocked to sleep and I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown from having to do it every single day for every nap, so I just let him CIO until he wore himself out (I'm not going to even post how long that took everyday!).

Your DS is a little young, but as he gets older, let him CIO for longer periods of time until he really learns how to self soothe. Eventually he will, but you have to be consistent.