Daycare situation...advice

BJKL

Alright ladies...I need some opinions.

background - a teacher at my DS's DC gave out invitations for her DS A's birthday.  Before I had a chance to RSVP we got a note saying it was cancelled (maybe 2 days later).  Yesterday I went to pick up my DS and I noticed that some of the kids in the class had invitations taped to their cubbies.

I am alittle annoyed, and frankly hurt by this.  I think it is rude to exclude some kids at this age and especially in a very open manner.  Also, i think the fact that she is a teacher at the DC makes it even worse.  Does she not like some of the kids?  Why were some invited any not others? Why in such an open fashion.

I am wondering if I am being overly sensitive on my DS's behalf.  I am considering writing an unsigned note to the director.

Thoughts?  Flame away if I am being ridiculous.  I might just be emotional because of all the hormones.

audrey79

Wow, that is just mean and ridiculous, the teacher is an idiot.  At my DS's daycare, they have policy which is quite strict:  NO invites at school unless EVERYONE in the entire class gets one.  Period.  No ifs/ands/buts about it.  An employee of the center should know better.  I would go straight to the Director and report this.

roseroseroseroserose

How TACKY! I have the same policy I my classroom, all kids get invites or no one does.

Pesky

Actually, at about 4, I don't think you have to invite everyone.  Kids won't be that hurt yet unless a parent makes a big deal of it.  FWIW, I invited only 5 kids (that my DD hung out with regularly and were her core group of friends) to her bday party.  The rule of thumb is to invite as many children as your kid is old and that's about what they can best deal with.

Now to give you the invite, then reneg is beyond tacky.  But it's not something I would raise to the director, certainly not in some petty, HSish unsigned note.  I honestly don't think I'd even raise to the teacher.  It's one of the things you raise an eyebrow over but certainly is not a battle worth fighting (seriously, think about it -- "I want you to invite my kid to your kid's shindig."  Yeah, sounds great and mature, right?).  While her behavior (if what you suspect is true) of issuing an invite only to reneg quickly is by no means admirable, I would advocate taking the higher road.

jlw2505

Question - does the child go to the same daycare and is friends with these kids or is this just the teacher inviting random kids to the party?  Either way, I have issues.  At my center, it is fine to invite other kids to parties - all invites need to be either mailed or placed in the kids folders.  The kids can't see into these as they are file folders and it is the place where daily sheets and things like that are placed.  To have invites taped to the outside of the kids cubbies is just wrong.  I don't have an issue with everyone not being invited as I don't agree with the rule that all kids in the class or none be invitited but in this situation, it is just wrong in so many ways.

phd_y2k

Just a thought...what if the invitations you saw taped to the cubbies were invites that had not yet gone home (ie child was absent for a day or two)?  Maybe everyone was invited and these envelopes had not yet been received?

clp1027

I think it was seriously tacky, but I wouldn't bring it up. I think it would only make things more awkward in the future.

mrsmikey

Our center also has a rule.  If all the kids in the class are invited, it's ok to put the invites in their cubbies.  If all the kids are not invited, you are to leave the invites up front with the director and she will pass them out to the parents as they come in to pick up their child.  I think it's a good rule. 

In your case, I'd probably be a little miffed, but I don't think I'd do anything about it, unless she is violating a policy.  Or maybe just mention that you noticed and you don't think it's a good idea.  However, unless you bring it to his attention, your child probably won't even realize what is happening.  He's not going to know that those are party invites and he didn't get one.

BJKL

Thanks for all the advice!  I am just going to let it go.  I just wanted to make sure I wasn't crazy because my DH seemed to think I was.

I am most bothered by it being a teacher at the daycare and I don't understand why the invite list changed from the initial invites she sent out.  It makes me sad that my DS would be left out of the fun when all his other little buddies are going to be attending.

SaraSmile

My son has 20 kids in his Pre-K class. He gets invited to some and not others.  For his birthday this year I invited 10 kids and that was it.  The party was 10 maximum for a rock climbing party.