Qs on choosing Godparents

livvielo

We are going to have M. christened (we are not particularly religious, but we're going to do it at the Episcopal church we both like--I was raised Catholic, and H wasn't really raised as anything).

We're doing this later than usual, and we're having some trouble choosing Godparents. Our families are all over the country, which complicates it a little. My H has an ex-sort-of stepdad (his mother's partner for almost 20 years) who is now married. This guy has been a better dad to H than his real dad, frankly, and he's special to us.

Finally, the questions: Would it be weird of us to ask this ex-stepdad to be the Godfather and my female cousin to be the Godmother (she's not married)? Would it be a slight to the ex-stepdad's now wife? OR, would you ask ex-stepdad, his wife, and my cousin to be sponsors, so she would have 3 Godparents? 

(If you got through this without getting confused, thank you!)

maryenap

Picking Godparents is so difficult.  I think your cousin and his ex-step-dad would be appropriate.  I don't think you need to feel awkward about not asking his wife, or make things more complicated by having 3...

I love the idea of having the ex-step-dad involved.  He's going to be so touched!   

We aren't sure if we're having Owen baptized, but we did ask my ex-h to be his Godfather.  My DH actually thought of it.  He's a big part of our lives, a great dad to the kids and still practices Catholicism.  We are still working on a Godmother... 

Go with your heart, good luck 

BrideBuddies

I'm married to a very devout Catholic.  I'm a luke-warm Lutheran, but we're raising C Catholic.  DH takes this all very, very seriously.

That being said, I believe it helps to think about what you'd expect from a godparent.  In the traditional sense, it is someone who will help guide your child in his/her religious life.  Do the people you're choosing fit that description?  Then they're probably good choices.

Perhaps talking a bit with your pastor will help in your decision, too.

Piranha54

While I have no idea what's required or recommended by the church, I think your cousin and the ex-step dad sound very appropriate - after all you said they were special to you and I would think that's what counts.  I know lots of friends who have chosen individuals rather than a couple as the god parents.

M.Amy

With the caveat that we are not baptizing Matt, I think just having the two people and not your ex-step dad's wife is totally appropriate.

Dr.Loretta

I'm not sure why you're doing a christening if you're not particularly religious, but just pick the people who are important to you. If you're concerned about this guy's wife, ask him if she'd be bothered by it. Something tells me she won't have a problem with it.

mama.bear

You don't necessarily have to have both a Godmother and a Godfather. We are having just a Godmother.

vanverth

I am fairly a devote Catholic and I think that the Godparents are your choice.  I have asked my brother and sister-in-law to be the Godparents.  We are having Michael baptised on September 12.  He will be 4 months old on that day and it is my 41st birthday so we are going to do all kinds of celebrating that day. 

pahokie

I don't think it is weird to choose to individuals (or just one, like MamaBear said), but I do think you should think about what roles you intend them to play in LO's life. I also think you need to talk to all three of the people involved about what you expect from them in the role of godparent and make sure they are willing to meet those expectations (or try to, at least) before they accept.  Even if you don't formally ask the ex-semi-step-dad's wife, she it going to be involved, so your conversation should include her.

Are you choosing godparents to be involved in M's religious upbringing, or to be the ones who will become legal guardians should anything happen to you and DH, or both?

If the legal guardian bit, do you feel like the two individuals will be able to work together for M's benifit?  You may need to do some legal paperwork to lay out where M would live, since the godparents would not live together.

Not trying to push you one way or another, just something to think about.

Also, my advice is probably not worth much, since we still haven't had DD baptised.

leffe1

I would ask who you really want to ask. We baptized Catholic and due to their stringent rules we only had one Godparent. We really wanted my brother to be the Godfather but he didn't quite fit their criteria. It bugs me at times but I am over it.

Temp159135562506975

we belong to a lutheran church and attend weekly... we felt it was very important that our Godparents for the children had a belief in Jesus and understood what being a God parent meant - not that it was just some sort of honor....  we wanted the promise they made at the altar to matter.

we also wanted it to be family... as we know friendships change over the years... but few of our family is very religious - and those that are live far away - so it was tricky.

DS1 has my SIL and BIL - they attend church weekly - they were easy to pick...

with the twins it was harder.  My sister and her DH are Gray's GP's - my BIL attends church with us weekly- my sister doesn't - but we figured at least one of them was religous    And Gray's GP's are DH's brother and also DH's mom... his brother is not married and we wanted him - and the only other woman we could think of was my MIL.

 

jarbatz

B's baptism (Catholic) is this weekend!  And we asked DH's brother (who is married) to be godfather and not his wife, only b/c I wanted my sister, who is single, to be the godmother.  As far as I know, the wife (DH's SIL) was not offended or anything.  I think its totally fine to ask who you are inclined to ask!

livvielo

Thanks, everyone, for your feedback! (and thank you for not turning this into a flame-fest [I know it's a potentially flame-worthy topic]?then again I am not surprised, being on this fabulous board!)

LMark

I'm glad you asked about this.  Neither DH nor I are particularly religious - both of us were raised Catholic, but I go to church more often than DH.

We keep getting asked about a baptism and we've been avoiding the topic for a while now.  We would really like our LO to be able to choose, but since we didn't get married in a church, we feel the nudge.