Advice I got today from a 2U2 mom... agree/disagree?

MrsBoski

She said that if both are crying at the same time, as long as the baby is fed and had a clean diaper- go to the toddler first.  She said that the baby wont remember it, but the toddler will resent the baby if you choose the baby over him/her. 

 Thoughts?

 I am 33 weeks pregnant with #2 and #1 is 20 months.  Just trying to get as much advice as possible from those who have been there!  Any other words of wisdom are welcome!

Notwifezilla7

Well, I don't know about resentment, but I've found it's easier to appease the older one quicker then the baby. DD 1 has been wonderful since DD2 has come home and really the only times I've seen any jealousy is when DD2 reaches for her toys. I'm guessing in a month or two when the baby starts crawling it might be a different story!
The best advice I got and continue to give is to just put your head down and do things. Don't overthink! You will never leave your house if you worry about all the little things that COULD go wrong. Just do it! That's how I made it through the first grocery shopping trip with two, drives to my parents' house an hour and half away, and doing things in general as a mom of two.
GL!

tribe99

People say this all the time, but really it depends on the situation.  There are plenty of times when the baby's crying is actually very upsetting to the older child and exacerbating whatever it was she was upset about in the first place.  When that happens, it works a lot better to tend to the younger child first.

kensbride08

Mine #2 isnt here yet but that would seem to make logical sense. Baby's sometimes cry for no reason but at least a toddler can tell you what is wrong or you may be able to help them faster.

BriAndSean

I take each situation as it comes and tend to whomever needs me more first if I can't attend to both at the same time. Sometimes, that means my little guy cries for a bit while I help his sister, and sometimes big sister has to wait while I help her brother. It's the only thing that feels right to me. I don't think it's fair to always make the same child wait, especially when the other clearly needs me more.

SweetBaby2004

We got this advice from our awesome pediatrician when we were expecting DS.  It worked well for us and she adores her brother and now her little sister.

CaitlinJ22

tribe99:

People say this all the time, but really it depends on the situation.  There are plenty of times when the baby's crying is actually very upsetting to the older child and exacerbating whatever it was she was upset about in the first place.  When that happens, it works a lot better to tend to the younger child first.

 I agree. DS gets very upset when DD is upset. Its easier for me to nurse her, or get her paci. I feel she is easier to please than DS at times.  

soon2Bchapel

BriAndSean:

I take each situation as it comes and tend to whomever needs me more first if I can't attend to both at the same time. Sometimes, that means my little guy cries for a bit while I help his sister, and sometimes big sister has to wait while I help her brother. It's the only thing that feels right to me. I don't think it's fair to always make the same child wait, especially when the other clearly needs me more.

THIS!

alli2672

I take care of whatever is going to take the least amount of time first.  Most of the time whatever #1 wants only takes a few seconds (he can't reach something, he fell and needs a kiss, he wants a cup of water).  #2 usually takes longer (he needs to be put down for a nap, he's hungry and wants to nurse). 

I agree with just putting your head down and getting through it. 

Erin0922

My SS is 3, and I have explained to him that Buggy doesn't know how to use his words, so he cries when he needs me. He has gotten super good at helping me tend to Buggy, even if it was him having the original meltdown.

Babies are trying to form a bond, and need to know their needs will be met. When (my) #2 is born, same rule will apply. Jealousy is a tricky thing, which is why I explained to Monkey that I need his help. Now he can make Buggy smile quicker than anyone!

howleyshell

I've heard that and understand the logic behind it.

For us it wasn't always what I did.

If the baby was hungry his cries broke my heart and made me let down and get anxious until I could latch him on.

That takes all of 2 seconds.

Then I had the multiple minutes often necessary to tend to the toddler's more emotional needs with the baby stuck to the boob and content.

I found that I had more patience for reasoning with the toddler (as much as that's possible) if I could quickly tend to the crying infant first.  If the infant was crying and awaiting my attention I tended to be more rushed, less patient and less effective in dealing with the toddler.

 

I also think this depends a lot on your kids' dispositions and reactions to each other.  We had ZERO jealousy.  Having the toddler wait a few minutes never made him upset or angry at the baby or me. 

I think like so many other things with raising multiple children it's gonna be trial and error for most and often times what seems like a good "rule" in most situations will have at least one exception!