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Adoption
Foster Mom's come in....
I have some silly questions that don't really facilitate a call to the county to ask. :-) Thought I might get some answers here.
1. What do your foster children call you? Mom? First name? Mrs. ____?
2. Are you able to share pics of the children on FB? This might actually be a per state basis or no??
3. What are the things that you collected to have BEFORE you started fostering? Bunk beds? Cribs? Clothes? Diapers? How does all that work?
4. We live close to a state line....will we be able to go away for the weekend even if it's only an hour away, with the kids? Or, do we have to send them to respite (I think this is the meaning of respirte, yes?)
5. What is your clothing allotment monthly? Ours is $60 a month and that seems super high. If yours is that high, what do you spend it on....just clothing? Shoes, underwear, socks? Book bags?
6. Clothing allotment--what if you only have the kid for a week...do you still have to spend the $2/day?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Foster Mom's come in....
We are in Texas.
1. What do your foster children call you? Mom? First name? Mrs. ____? We introduced ourselves by our first names when we first met and within an hour they were calling us mommy and daddy. Our kids are 4,3, and 15 months.
2. Are you able to share pics of the children on FB? This might actually be a per state basis or no?? We can't show pictures that directly show their face. We can get away with pictures that show their backs or their face is obscured.
3. What are the things that you collected to have BEFORE you started fostering? Bunk beds? Cribs? Clothes? Diapers? How does all that work? We had all the baby stuff from our failed adoption. We went and bought twin beds for the two older ones. Friends helped out alot with clothes especially boy ones.
4. We live close to a state line....will we be able to go away for the weekend even if it's only an hour away, with the kids? Or, do we have to send them to respite (I think this is the meaning of respirte, yes?) We have to get a judges approval to leave state lines and carry that order with us when we go.
5. What is your clothing allotment monthly? Ours is $60 a month and that seems super high. If yours is that high, what do you spend it on....just clothing? Shoes, underwear, socks? Book bags? We get paid a monthly stipend that is used for anything the children might need or want. There is not a seperate clothing allotment.
6. Clothing allotment--what if you only have the kid for a week...do you still have to spend the $2/day? We get paid by how many days in the month they are in our physical custody.
1. What do your foster children call you? Mom? First name? Mrs. ____?
The one that could speak from the get go started out with "Miss ___" but it eventually turned into "momma" 8 months later, calling me that for 10 months of the 18 she was here. The others naturally just started calling me momma
2. Are you able to share pics of the children on FB? This might actually be a per state basis or no??
No - you are not allowed to share pics on FB. We didn't share any pictures until they were no longer in custody of CPS or there has been TPR (we have a set of siblings that we stay in contact with almost 2 years later and were given permission to share with others that loved them). I think it's a law no matter the state.
3. What are the things that you collected to have BEFORE you started fostering? Bunk beds? Cribs? Clothes? Diapers? How does all that work?
we started out just taking 1, then 2 so we have a crib, then a crib and a twin. We had 5 kids from Nov 09 - June 10 and we had a twin, a queen, 2 cribs and a bassinet. We got misc clothes that fit in our age range, but not alot since we could get either gender at any age. My mother is our "go shop that night" person. I give her a list of what is needed and she gets to go shopping and have the fun.
4. We live close to a state line....will we be able to go away for the weekend even if it's only an hour away, with the kids? Or, do we have to send them to respite (I think this is the meaning of respirte, yes?)
Out of state - you have to ask permission from the courts. If you're staying within the state - if its less than 72 hours (at least here in Texas) we just inform our agency and CPS and its not normally a problem. Out of the country - just get respite.
5. What is your clothing allotment monthly? Ours is $60 a month and that seems super high. If yours is that high, what do you spend it on....just clothing? Shoes, underwear, socks? Book bags?
$60 is a perfect amount. It's just for clothes, socks, undies and shoes. No diapers (if you're taking that age). In our county (if the child is from the county we live in), we get $100 per quarter for clothing. Everything for the child should come from the stipen you get for the month.
6. Clothing allotment--what if you only have the kid for a week...do you still have to spend the $2/day?
You will never know how long the child will be with you, unless they say "they're going to be here a while". I would get them enough outfits for at least a week. My foster kids were/are always dressed impeccably and always got brand new clothes, even its from Walmart or Target.
Every time you go? Or you just get one and it allows for the whole time you've had a child? Do you actually have to go to court or just like their quarters?
remember that Foster Care is veriable by state, but I can tell you what I know about FC in ND. also I do treatment fc so it is slightly differnt than county care- we're required to take more training and we get paid slightly more...
1. Our 1st placement it was first name (he was 11 when we got him turned 13 just after he left us). our 2nd would call us mom and dad sometimes- especially when she wanted something:)- she was 16. our current 2 call us Momma and Daddy since we are adopting them. --I know you didn't ask but- our kids called their fp mom and dad and that was a hard transition for us to deal with, I know those parents plan to have kids call them grandma/pa from now on...
2.We were told not to share photos on FB. due to never knowing who could see them-- somehow bm/bf sees them and gets mad...
3. We needed to have beds for them and that was about it. We knew that we were looking at older kids so the crib stuff didn't apply.
4. we too live close to the state line- like 10 miles- if we have to go across to shop or what ever thats no problem- if we're going farther into the state we're suppose to let the social worker know what our plans are. We make sure we have permission forms right away in the placement so we don't have to worry about that if something comes up last minute.
5. We don't get a monthly allotment- we get a lump sum- $300 to be spent within the first 6 months of placement. you would be suprised how quickly it does go... Thou I'm not sure I would need to spend $60 EVERY month. But some months I would spend more than that- like at the change of seasons.
6. not sure- I would assume not, but you should ask your worker.
Yes it definitely varies by state, and can often vary by region within the state. joeandkristie and I are both in Texas
1. What do your foster children call you? Mom? First name? Mrs. ____?
All of mine called me mom, and my DH dad. But, they were all under the age of three.
2. Are you able to share pics of the children on FB? This might actually be a per state basis or no?? No, we were not. Finally after we had DS for two years we started putting pics up of him and put our pages as private. We were getting sick of not doing so for a child that we felt was ours and that we were trying to adopt.
3. What are the things that you collected to have BEFORE you started fostering? Bunk beds? Cribs? Clothes? Diapers? How does all that work?
two twin beds, a crib, clothes, clothes clothes. They were all things family and another foster family we are close with gave us. They were all used, but it was SUCH A huge help. Alsom my aunt gave me lots of toys from her kids. Once I knew the age of the first child I went out and got specifics like diapers, bottles, formula etc.
4. We live close to a state line....will we be able to go away for the weekend even if it's only an hour away, with the kids? Or, do we have to send them to respite (I think this is the meaning of respirte, yes?) Out of state you need to have a court order. It really isn't a big deal to be obtained, and can be done through a motion to the court and usually needs no hearing if all parties agree. We actually took our son away several times out of state, and once out of the country! Within state lines we just had to notify our case manager of where we were going, address, numbers etc.
5. What is your clothing allotment monthly? Ours is $60 a month and that seems super high. If yours is that high, what do you spend it on....just clothing? Shoes, underwear, socks? Book bags? we just get a monhtly stipend. It is used to cover everything and anything we want it to. It is about 320 a month I believe...it has been awhile since I fostered. The kdis do get a yearly stiped of 200-300 dollars depending on their age for school clothes. This is dispursed in August.
6. Clothing allotment--what if you only have the kid for a week...do you still have to spend the $2/day? The least amount of time we had a child was a month. We bought him some clothes, and he went home with all of them except a few outfits.
I guess why our clothing allotment seems excessive to me is that it states they get $200 worth of clothing when they enter the system AND then we have to spend $60 a month on clothes after that. I don't even spend that much on my own clothes....I mean I know kids grow out of clothes faster than I do but still!
If your FK's called you mom or dad.....was that of their own freewill or did you introduce yourself as mom or dad? I guess that's the part that throws me.
We were told that each time we wanted to leave the state that we had to have judge's approval. If we want to travel in state further than 3 hours away then just let the case worker know and that will suffice. They all had to have my cell number which is always on me.
I would talk to someone regarding hte clothing allotment. Chances are the "clothing" voucher is for any necessities, including food etc. also, our foster kids started calling us mom on their own. These kids have been neglected by their own parents and don't know how a kid SHOULD be treated. Sometimes they are young, and the first stable person they have is you,a nd naturally when they start talking they call u mom. I only had little ones, so they did it because I think we were really the first "home" they had and it came natural to them.
Most of the FPs I know in this area introduce themselves to foster children upon placement (well, if the kid is old enough to understand an introduction) as "Mr. [first name]" or "Ms. [first name]," and then just leave it up to the kids to decide how to call them. An older couple in my area introduces themselves from the outset as "Mamaw [first name] and Papaw [first name]."
I should have joined this post a long time ago. We started out just wanting to adopt from Children's Protective Services but finally broke down and started fostering. I can't believe it but I think we are actually going to get to adopt the first child that we foster (I am holding my breath). Anything can go wrong any time. However, I also worked for CPS for nine years previously and I would just be cautious on how much money you spend because you don't know how long they will be staying. When our munchkin arrived, they said she would only be staying approximately 2-3 months but now it looks like she might stay permanently. Day care is soon to eat us alive so you would also want to be prepared for that to come out of your stipend. The state will soon be cancelling our child care because I am transitioning to part time work as we become more certain that we will get to adopt our munchkin. This process took three years and I don't want to miss a thing. (Just went to the Aerosmith concert.)
Anyway, I mostly wanted to join the conversation. Hope you don't mind!
As far as going out of state, we've been to three different states (up to 9 hours away) this summer with no court order. We'd told our social worker about the trips ahead of time and she wrote a blanket letter that sufficed for me to carry regarding any trips we took. As a courtesy, I've sent an email each time reminding her that we're going and where we'll be.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
You're fine. :-) Any and all advice is welcome. That's great that you are getting to adopt you LO.
I can't seem to find any books on fostering....are there any?
As for daycare, I run an at-home daycare so I won't need to worry about that.
Unfortunately, I've read the paperwork 5 times in the clothing allotment arena. It's not a suggestion to spend that much, it's a we have to show a receipt and if we don't spend enough then we have to give good reason to spend it the following month. The $200 is aside from our stipend and the $60 does not include food or diapers. I'm still going to go over all of it with our SW to make sure i'm not misreading something. Plus, I'm sure it will be gone over during our training classes.
ETA: THANK YOU all that responded! I feel kind of clueless when it comes to fostering since my sole existence for the past few years has been about adoption.
1. What do your foster children call you? Mom? First name? Mrs. ____?
We start off with our first names...Depending on their mood and the location...is what they call us from there.
At home - First name
At daycare, when I pick them up "mommmmmmyyyyy"
With someone they don't know "this is our fosta momma (First name), our birth momma is ____.
2. Are you able to share pics of the children on FB? This might actually be a per state basis or no??
Only if they are the back of them - where you can't see their faces
3. What are the things that you collected to have BEFORE you started fostering? Bunk beds? Cribs? Clothes? Diapers? How does all that work?
We went over board...we wanted to be prepared. We had two entire rooms set up - two twin sized beds (that went up into a bunk bet), had sheets/pillows on them already, a dresser, and closet was empty. The other room had a crib/changing table and shelves. We also had a swing, glider and two booster seats for the kitchen table. Two toy boxes were waiting - one that was filled with 3-5 yr old to ys, one that was filled with baby toys. We also have bins for each age group that we have - a few outfits for each age. Now, gender...is another story. Kinda mixed in there. We were overly prepared...but we also bought items while we were TTC and had other items from when my nephew lived with us.
4. We live close to a state line....will we be able to go away for the weekend even if it's only an hour away, with the kids? Or, do we have to send them to respite (I think this is the meaning of respirte, yes?)
Yes. We go over state boundaries all the time... We live 30 minutes from a boarder so we just get permission from caseworker - and she always approves. We've gone 4 hours over the boarder and we were fine, as long as the caseworker knew in advance. No biggie for us!
5. What is your clothing allotment monthly? Ours is $60 a month and that seems super high. If yours is that high, what do you spend it on....just clothing? Shoes, underwear, socks? Book bags?
We get 150 for the entire year per child. So...when we are first placed with a child the first night we spend 20-30 is underware, socks, shoes. The following weekend we spend another 30-50 at resale shops buying them a few outfits, etc We have to turn in reciepts - they can deny us if they don't see it as "clothes"
6. Clothing allotment--what if you only have the kid for a week...do you still have to spend the $2/day?
yes - we start them off with new socks, underware, etc. Both placements have come to us with NOTHING.
I wonder if one of your statements was asking for monthly maintenance fee. We are paid clothing allowance automatically and it sticks with the child. We are also paid per day for when the kids are in our physical care - I know that dollar amount is HALF what others on this board make. However, our state pays for full time daycare - so I believe we come out on the better end of the bargin, because daycare is expensive!!!!