"Safe Word"

d.cubed

Do any of you planning a home birth have a "safe word" that pretty much means, "I am DONE.  Take me to the hospital for some relief!"  ?

Here's my current favorite - "Antarctica" (i.e. "I'll go when hell freezes over")

Mine is "Serenity Now!" from Seinfeld.  Hopefully just thinking about it will make me laugh and re-think whether or not I actually want to SAY it!

I suppose that it could work just as well in a hospital setting for when you really want medication.

All I can think about, though, is the Dave Chappelle S&M skit where he can't remember the safe word...  

Any other suggestions out there?  

Wilwarin

I thought I was the only person who had a safe word.  Mine was photophosphorylation.  My husband said I would really have to want an epi to say it.  Thankfully, I didn't need to say it. 

gnomely

No, but that's a good idea. I'll have to talk to my DH tonight.

yeshuahamasshiah

DH and I are both chemist .... our/my safeword is:

1,2,3,4-tetraphenylcyclopentadianone

....it is a diene synthesized in an Diels-Alder synthesis .... I actually met DH while he was teaching Organic lab and we always made fun of all the kids who could not pronounce their products .... anyhow, this one stuck!

kesrya

Hadn't even thought of this but what a good concept -- especially those of you that chose really hard to pronounce/remember words.  I like the idea of "you'd really have to want it to say the word."

There's no circumstance in which I would accept pain meds; I've always had a bad reaction to them in every previous surgery, and twice it was actually a very severe allergic reaction.  So no matter how bad the pain may get, I know an epi will only make it worse. 

I'd also only transfer to the hospital if my MW insisted it was absolutely medically necessary.  After I severely broke my ankle, my first surgeon told me that night in the hospital to get rid of all my sporting equipment b/c I'd be lucky to walk again.  I told him to piss off and didn't listen to a word of medical advice he gave me after that.  Fortunately, he referred me to a very caring and gifted PT whom let me do anything I wanted or set my mind to as long as it was safe and wouldn't cause more potential damage -- he was so encouraging of me pushing myself that when he said "No, you cannot do that" I really listened b/c I knew he was only going to put his foot down when it was serious.  We developed a great friendship over the years, and thanks to him I walked all the way up to the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro at 19,330 feet.

I hope to develop that kind of trusting relationship with my MW, so if she says "it's time to go to the hospital" I know that she absolutely means it and it is completely necessary.  Maybe I should have her come up with a "safe word" to let me know without a doubt if/when it is time to transfer

jteneback

kesrya:

I hope to develop that kind of trusting relationship with my MW, so if she says "it's time to go to the hospital" I know that she absolutely means it and it is completely necessary. 

That's what I'm thinking.  If she tells me to go, I will go.  But not otherwise.

ckettenb

this is a great idea!  DH and I will need to come up with one of these.

AllieJean

We didnt bother with a safe word. I knew, my husband knew, and my midwife knew that I wouldnt say I was done until I was done. There was once when I said "I dont know how much longer I can keep doing this," and so they all gave me a big pep talk that kept me going for a while longer.

When I finally did throw in the towel I said "Im sorry but I just have nothing left." It wasnt for the pain at all, but I hadnt slept in 2 days and I had pushed for HOURS and I was just exhausted.

Texas77again

sorry but i just don't get the reasoning behind a safe word.  why wouldn't you just be able to say, "i want to go to the hospital." 

i always tell my clients that they are not being held hostage and if they want to go we will go at any time.  the first time they bring it up we have a quick little discussion about it to see if they really want to go or if they are just exhausted.  then usually the next step is to check them because i tend to hear that a lot right at transition and if they truly are 7+ cms then we usually reevaluate the decision.  i personally have not had to take a mom in for maternal request, but i would. 

lindsayll

Not home birth, but for the epi.  I was supposed to say "I love <football team I hate>".

Thought never crossed my mind.

littlemac1117

Wilwarin:

I thought I was the only person who had a safe word.  Mine was photophosphorylation.  My husband said I would really have to want an epi to say it.  Thankfully, I didn't need to say it. 

 

Ahh, what a good idea! Hahah and a good word to choose

KateLouise

I didn't have a safe word, although I also didn't deliver at home but at the hospital.

But it never occurred to me. I basically had written off the epidural as an option before hand and honestly never hit a point of wanting it.

But I swear if I'd said, "I want the epi" and my DH had said, "not until you give me the safe word" I would have slapped him.

For me part of the natural birth/"trust in a woman's body to do what it needs", means that I have absolute faith in myself to judge when I need help. I don't need anyone to be a gatekeeper to that for me or to get me to second guess myself. 

flyer23

We had one with DD (hospital birth). I think it was recommended by our Bradley instructor? I can't remember for sure, but I think it was "wiki wiki shuttle" -- an inside joke from a vacation to Hawaii, where we rode the "wiki wiki shuttle" at the Honolulu airport, and thought that it sounded vaguely dirty. LOL. (This was years ago, before Wikipedia and wikis in general became mainstream!)

The idea was that I should be able to yell, "I want an epidural! I want an epidural! I WANT AN EPIDURAL!" as much as I wanted if it made me feel better, and DH would know that I wasn't serious unless I said the safe word.

We didn't have a safe word with DS. I dunno, I guess I never really felt like yelling, "I WANT AN EPIDURAL!" with DD, so I figured if I said it (or "I want to go to the hospital") with DS, then everyone would automatically know I was really serious .

JuliaBug

I told DH that if I ask for an epi in between contractions, I probably really want one. Until then, he is to talk me down. His best friend talked his wife out of an epi and she still resents him for it. While I am not the kind to do this, it is DH's biggest worry when it comes to his coaching responsibilities.