I.just.don't.get.it.....I have no idea what to do.

eshaffer

Potty training, this is about potty training.

I know there are others out there in the same situation, but DS will be 4 in January, and he just refuses to do it. He can hold it forever, will stay dry, but just freaks out if he has to go. He says he's scared, and we've tried everything. Potty chart, stickers, m&m's, rewards, various bribes, cheerios in the potty, food coloring in the potty, only wearing underwear, etc. Nothing works.

He understands, and is even embarrassed by it. He was with DH at their hunting camp, and DS went inside to poop.  When DH came in after him, he said "Daddy, did you tell them I'm pooping in my pants?" DH said no and DS asked him not to tell. You'd think that would be motivation? No.

He's way into monster trucks, and he said he wanted monster truck underwear, "I've been waiting to go until we find monter tuck underwear." I just happened to find them at  Walmart last week. His eyes lit up, then he looked sad and said "put them back, I'm not ready."

I'm frustrated. Any advice?

shopgirl_07

I know it's frustrating but some kids (boys in particular), like he said, are "just not ready". And he's really not that old to still be in diapers. My advice is to drop the subject altogether. Don't mention anything potty related at all. My guess is that this is causing him anxiety and it seems he WANTS to please you but just can't wrap his head around it yet. I think if you back off, it won't take long before he gets it. Sometimes it really just needs to be their idea and their idea alone.

femmegem

I know it doesn't really help, but if he's not ready, he's not ready. Have you thought about talking to an occupational therapist given his sensory issues? Alex starts OT in the fall and I can't wait.

eshaffer

ShopGirl- I know you're right, we need to back off. It's just so hard.

Femme- I haven't. Not sure why, I guess I'm not sure if that's the issue. Would I call the person in charge of his early intervention program to ask for an eval?

Andrewsgal

eshaffer:

ShopGirl- I know you're right, we need to back off. It's just so hard.

Femme- I haven't. Not sure why, I guess I'm not sure if that's the issue. Would I call the person in charge of his early intervention program to ask for an eval?

Since he is over 3 you should try your local school district they can give you a free eval.

knmommy

he just isn't ready.  It'll just click one day.  Kaitlyn was over 4 when she was potty trained.  My nephew (who is 6 months older than Kaitlyn) was potty trained at about the same time as Kaitlyn. (about 4.5)

femmegem

Andrewsgal:

eshaffer:

ShopGirl- I know you're right, we need to back off. It's just so hard.

Femme- I haven't. Not sure why, I guess I'm not sure if that's the issue. Would I call the person in charge of his early intervention program to ask for an eval?

Since he is over 3 you should try your local school district they can give you a free eval.

Yep, that's what we did.

Zenya

Christopher was the same way. Terrified.  Heart pounding tears streaming screaming crying the whole lot.  Ultimately a sticker chart for chuck e diseases and this book 

https://www.amazon.com/Monster-Munchies-Beginner-Books-No/dp/0679891633

that I read on the toilet replacing the word 'poop' for monster (I know.  But I was desperate) made him laugh and kept him sitting.  And I did kind of hold him on there at the start too.  Like comforted him and hugged him but ultimately kind of restraining him.  I'd do that when it was obvious he had to pee/poop and it then once he did it he got confidence.

It was a mf'ing nightmare though.  I won't lie.  C can be very fearful about new things.  He's the same way with foods but I've found the same thing applies there.  Once he tries something (and doesn't die?  I don't even know what he's afraid of) then he is so proud of himself and gains confidence

GOOD LUCK! 

eshaffer

I guess I realize he's in the normal age range. My concern is that I already paid the registration fee and 1st month tuition for preschool, where he has to be potty trained to go. Also, I think *I* am just embarrassed by it since people will comment "he's still in a diaper?" The lady at the grocery store last week made a big deal about the pull-ups to Matthew, "these aren't YOURS, are they??"   Another family friend pretty much said this is out of control and he's weird for not using the potty yet, and I'm making him weird.

I'm starting to realize that this is more of an issue for me than him. I need to take a step back and just make sure everyone else drops it, too. Ugh. Thanks everyone, I appreciate your input.

DandelionMom

People can be such assholes.  My middle DD had a terrible time pting and we got so many comments.  Sorry you have to put up with it.  Just tune them out and remember he'll do it when he's ready. 

eshaffer

Thank you thank you thank you! I feel (a little bit) better already.

lilsandra

i have two bits of wisdom from potty training my stubborn little boy (who was 3 1/2 when he finally trained).

1)  I had to COMPLETELY throw in the towel on the power struggle.  He refused to go to the bathroom around me for the longest time because I couldn't give in.  I swear the day that I gave up caring on him being potty trained, he just did it.  It was unbelievable to me.

2) I bribed him with a fish.  It took several trips to the store, and one day he said, "I want a fish.  I don't want to wear diapers anymore," and that was it. 

 On a side note, I hadn't even planned on showing him the damn fish because I was so over trying to get him potty trained.  He wanted to see it, and then determined it was his time.

Good luck.  It's a terrible process, but will be over before you know it.

shiloh17

I could have written this exact post 3 weeks ago! My ds was the same way, and I was stressed. We are starting him in pre school, and it seemed like all the other kids his age were pt! Then about 3 weeks ago, he literally said, "diapers are for babies", and that was it! He just went in his own, and we taught him how to stand up, along w sitting. He has done great! We still do a diaper at night, but he usually wakes up dry. My pedi (who has 4 boys), said that boys cant physically and mentally put it all together til almost 4 yrs. My ds will be 4 in oct. Your lil guy will go when he is ready. I know its more stressful for u than him. He will do it, just back off for a lil bit, and see how it goes. Good luck:)

*Amy*

I agree.  he just isn't ready.  Anthony will be 4 in October and he just became pee trained about a month ago.  One day he woke up and started going and he literally hasn't had a pee accident since. I don't even have to remind him-he tells me.   He refuses to try to poop or wear underwear (he says he likes pull-ups, although he never wets them).  I figure one battle at a time. It was a battle of wills and he made it clear that he will do it in his own time.  He was supposed to be potty trained for preschool too, but wasn't.  Given his identified expressive language delay they cut us some slack.  FWIW they only had to change him maybe 4 times the whole year b/c he rarely pooped at preschool.