here but not here status, not sure what to do

BostonGayGal

I haven't been on much lately, just a few posts per week I would guess. Mostly it is because work has been busy.  But there are other reasons.

Pushing back ttc (yet again) has been very upsetting.  I feel like it may never happen and that I am fooling myself by staying on the board at all. The earliest I would be giving birth will be when I am 36 and I am perhaps irrationally concerned that there are going to be major problems (if not with getting pregnant, the birth itself, if not the birth itself, with major learning disabilities later).  When I read about posters' problems I am now fearing that I will encounter EVERY SINGLE one.  (I mean, who am I kidding?  I have been peeing on sticks for 3 years and a sperm has yet to enter my body.  So pathetic from the very start.)

Then, since I am not on enough to keep up with how people are doing, I feel even more disconnected and have less to say.  My 'good morning' posts and 'happy weekend posts' are pretty lame.  Just not sure I have much else to say.

Please don't read this as begging for attention.  I'm not.  Just putting out there what is going on for me. 

 

oh-zysbaby

1. You are here because you are our friend. The rest doesn't matter (as fart as you being here). We all go through phases of being around more and less.

2. I'm sorry that it's taking time. Try to remember that the delays are GREAT things for the most part. Remember when you first started this journey and you planned to be a single parent? Now you have a beautiful and amazing wife to share the journey. I'm sure it's frustrating to wait, but try to see the trade offs.

3. 35 isn't a magic number. I know you know this, but I'll say it anyway. Chances are, you'll have a perfectly healthy pregnancy and baby. And when you do, we'll be here celebrating with you!

Hugs, sweetie!

Schwandy

Everything Oh-Zy said plus a huge ((hug)).  If you ever want to talk message me on FB and I'll send you my cell#. 

JenniferJaneC

I totally understand where you are coming from, but I hope you know that you are loved here even if you just post "good morning" and "happy weekend."

Whether you are TTC or not, you're still family.

And FWIW (and I know a story doesn't make a statistic) my mom had me when she was 38.  And that was back in the '70s.  I understand where you are nervous - I'm 34 in a few short weeks myself - but I don't see you as type of person to let fear stop you from your dreams. 

fabbate13

Ohzy always says it so well....

 

Adam'sGirl

I'm sorry you're feeling bummed     

As an older mom, I just wanted to say, don't let your age discourage you. I gave birth at 35 and DS is completely healthy. At 13 months, he already says many words (at least 15), and is comprehending way more than I ever expected him to. I know many, many other moms in their mid to late 30s that have had perfectly healthy children, with no learning disabilities, etc.

Also, my pregnancy and birth were extremely easy and uncomplicated. I was only in active labor for sixish hours and only had to push for 15 mintutes before DS was born. Age was not a factor at all. I hope everything works out for you!

akalutts

::squeezes BGG:: What Ohzy said.

I've stepped back or totally away a few times in the year or so I've been here. It's not always an easy place to be when you aren't quite TTC yet. Please do what lets you feel most at peace, but know there are a lot of women here who love you, even when you only make "guest appearances." :P

I've played the "what if" game myself, especially having an older husband who's never had children. At times I feel under the gun to get KU right away because "what if" he starts to feel too old to become a father before it happens? In the end, it's about rolling with life as it comes.

It really comes down to remembering to remember- life is impermanence, life is craving. Our role is to learn to recognize and accept-- but not hold on to-- these feelings. When we grab hold of our suffering and cling to it, we miss opportunities, we become blind to the good things.

Oops ::tucks little buddha back into my pocket:: it slipped out a little.

ohashlet

I don't have anything poignant to say other than we all love you and understand if  you feel like pulling back. I can't say I know how you feel because I can't identify with everything, but the what if game is one I'm playing a lot lately, and it sucks.

You're a kickass lady, and you'll have kickass little babies, and have a wonderful family soon. I know this. 

Schwandy

I forgot to add that my mom had me when she was 39 and my little sister when she was 42. She had a completely healthy pregnancy and normal birth We are both healthy, I have an above average IQ and my sister is part of MENSA. 

And...she smoked her entire pregnancy and somehow we still came out alright.

Not saying that your worries are not valid, because they are. But there are lots of women who have done it around here and I really haven't heard of any of them who's LOs have problems.  

 

greenclown

Ohzy already said it better than I could ever say.  I love having you here, so I hope you don't ever go away.