Is it time?

shevin22

I am new to this but feel I need some advice from unbiased people, so here it goes.....

My husband and I have been married for 4 months but together for 4 years. I have since day one said I am not ready to have kids but do want them. I have ambitions to go to graduate school but not been accepted for 2 years. My husband has agreed with my dreams since the beginning. While we were engaged we talked about TTC but decided to wait until after the wedding. So, wedding came and went and we were acting like we were ready and then my FIL passed away less than a month after our wedding. My husband went through grieving and a roller coasting of lack of intimacy but then a drive for to much. He started acting like he wanted TTC. Assuming his intentions, I brought it up, thinking I would like to try. This was about a month after his dad passing. We got into a huge fight about it and he seemed to withdrawal from me. Since May we left the baby thought behind.

All of a sudden, he is talking about names and telling me that contraceptives are whatever now. I'm starting to have dreams involving pregnancy and feel I may be ready. Should I talk to him about it again or just leave it and see what happens?

 

I'm just nervous what his answer may be...

NavyClan

Unless you're ok with him NOT bringing him up, I would talk to him. 

Lambie.

Huh?

Mrs.EliK

Just by only reading the first couple of sentences I would say that it isn't time.  Sounds like you aren't personally ready and have some things you want to do before kids.

Good luck.  

armandos_girl

First off, you say that you're not ready, so that means you're not ready.  YH needs to respect that

A death of a loved one can mess with your head.  My FIL was very sick and passed away a couple months before we started ttc the first time around.  He very much wanted to see us have a child and it broke my heart to realize that he was never going to meet our child.  I'll admit that I wavered a bit, but we stuck with our original ttc date and my son was born almost a year to the day after his death.  

It still tears me up a little bit that my FIL and my son never got to know each other, but I'm glad we didn't jump into anything just because we were grieving.

NavyClan

wait I'm hoping I'm understanding this...your dilemma is whether or not to bring it up right? Not whether or not to go off of birth control and see what happens? The former-talk to him. The latter-is a seriously shiitty thing to do. 

shevin22

Oh, I agree! I would never dream of stopping my BC without getting on the same page with him. I am concerned about talking to him.   Thanks for your advice guys.

Lambie.

If you can't talk to him about that, I'd love to see how all the tough conversations about child rearing go.

Mrs.C042807

He's your husband.  Sometimes the conversations we have to have as a married couple are not comfortable or easy.  You just do it.

NavyClan

shevin22:

Oh, I agree! I would never dream of stopping my BC without getting on the same page with him. I am concerned about talking to him.   Thanks for your advice guys.

Gotcha! ok that's good. But definitely stay open and communicate about your concerns right now. Make sure you're open to his feelings as well. If he feels ready but just not yet, don't get so upset that it makes it even harder for you guys to talk about it in the future. Same goes for if you don't feel ready, don't let him pressure you, but be willing to discuss either a time you'd be ready or a time you'd be ready to talk about it. Best of luck!