Alternative to baptism?

LisalovesDarren

My DH and I are having some serious issues reguarding baptism...neither one of us are very religious. I was baptized Catholic but my parents never really took us to church. He was not raised in any specific religion.  Prior to having LO, we never really saw baptism as a "big deal." We currently don't attend church regularly.

 Well now that LO is here, my feelings have changed a bit. I feel as though he should be baptized.  DH has told me that he doesn't care if I take him to get him baptized but that he absolutely won't come. I feel like he should go to support me, even if he doesn't believe in it. It's started major arguments and neither one of us seems to understand the other.

I was wondering if anyone has ever done anything as an alternative to baptisms? DH has said that he understands the family tradition, wanting to honor Godparents, etc. but that he's just not comfortable with the religious aspect.

Has anyone ever done anything that could celebrate LO, honor Godparents, etc. but that takes out the religious aspect? TIA for any help or suggestions...

IrishBrideND

not being snarkky, but if you aren't religious, why do you even have godparents? I understand wanting someone to take care of LO if you die, but that doesn't ahve to be godparents. Our godparents aren't the people who will get DD...they are just the ones who will guide her religiously.

NiniJ55

You can have a dedication or something like that, I guess.

I just don't see the point in a baptism or having Godparents if you are not religious.  Baptism is a religous sacrament and should be taken seriously - not for the sake of "honoring the Godparents".

ETA: I just read your other post and it says DH is Jewish.  I can see why he would not attend.  I have a question for you - you mentioned that since having LO - things have changed.  Does that mean you plan to become religious and start attending church on a regular basis.  Are you looking to raise your child Christian.  I am just wondering becuase if not - again, what's the point in the baptism?

 

Waiting_4_Little_O

You could do a dedication or a naming ceremony. You could have it at your house or outdoors in a nice park. You could even see if you could get a non-denominational(sp?) minister to come and say a few words. You could make it what you want. Just because you do not believe in religion does not mean you do not believe in God. You could just do it as a promise to raise LO to believe in God, and let them decide when they are older. You could talk about that in the ceremony and ask friends and family to help guide her to finding a religion. You could use it as a real learning oppourtunity when they are a little older. Let them look into other religions and let them choose one that makes sense to them.  

homebird

I agree with the other two posters. I wouldn't do any kind of ceremony in a church if you're not religious. In my church, we have a baby dedication. It's a moment where the parents present the baby to the church and promise to raise the child up in a way that is honoring to God.

If you want to honor the grandparents, throw a little party for them. (I'm being serious, not sure if that last sentence comes off as snarky, lol).

jamdv3

What about a christening? IT's not the same as a baptism, I believe.

RadicalDreamer143

jamdv3:

What about a christening? IT's not the same as a baptism, I believe.

It is the same.

If you aren't an active parishioner, and don't plan to be, then you really can't baptize your baby.  The Catholic Church makes you have attendance records (through donation envelopes taken at mass) for X amount of months, and then take a class - and the godparents have to be practicing Catholics, etc.  It's not simple.

I was getting bullied into this by my mother and ILs.  I actually tried going to church again, to see if this was something I enjoyed at an older age, and something that was beneficial to my LO.   After one mass, I decided it was not.  The grandparents have to cope, TFB for them.  I'm glad I gave it a shot, though.

Edit to add: I guess you can take them out to dinner, or brunch.  But, if you really want them to be GODparents, you and your DH need to beon the same page as to how you want to raise your child from a religious standpoint.

IrishBrideND

JamieS2006:

jamdv3:

What about a christening? IT's not the same as a baptism, I believe.

It is the same.

If you aren't an active parishioner, and don't plan to be, then you really can't baptize your baby.  The Catholic Church makes you have attendance records (through donation envelopes taken at mass) for X amount of months, and then take a class - and the godparents have to be practicing Catholics, etc.  It's not simple.

I

just so you know, I don't think thats the norm in the Catholic church. I have never heard of that until your post. We didn't have to do that. I would never belong to a church that took attendance or viewed donations as proof of attendance. Thats horrible.

 

NiniJ55

IrishBrideND:

JamieS2006:

jamdv3:

What about a christening? IT's not the same as a baptism, I believe.

It is the same.

If you aren't an active parishioner, and don't plan to be, then you really can't baptize your baby.  The Catholic Church makes you have attendance records (through donation envelopes taken at mass) for X amount of months, and then take a class - and the godparents have to be practicing Catholics, etc.  It's not simple.

I

just so you know, I don't think thats the norm in the Catholic church. I have never heard of that until your post. We didn't have to do that. I would never belong to a church that took attendance or viewed donations as proof of attendance. Thats horrible.

 

We did not have to "prove" our attendance either.  But then again - we are active members in our church so you don't exactly have to check to see if we are there every Sunday.  Also - I lost my stack of envelopes and have not been using them at all - I just put the cash in the basket.  I really don't think it's the norm either - as previous poster mentioned.

RadicalDreamer143

I relocated from the north (NY, where we were also told we had to have a class, and be "known" to attend church) to the Bible Belt.

Case in point: https://www.catholic-doc.org/stt/

Their "requirements" which aren't outlined require active, church-going Catholics (not christians mind you, Catholics) as godparents. 

Edit to add - if you don't plan on being an active parishoner regardless, I'm fairly certain that your child would have to go to some sort of CCD/ be a regular churchgoer in order to get the rest of the sacraments.  This will have to be dealt with sooner or later.

IrishBrideND

JamieS2006:

I relocated from the north (NY, where we were also told we had to have a class, and be "known" to attend church) to the Bible Belt.

Case in point: https://www.catholic-doc.org/stt/

Their "requirements" which aren't outlined require active, church-going Catholics (not christians mind you, Catholics) as godparents. 

Edit to add - if you don't plan on being an active parishoner regardless, I'm fairly certain that your child would have to go to some sort of CCD/ be a regular churchgoer in order to get the rest of the sacraments.  This will have to be dealt with sooner or later.

oh the class thing is normal. Thats a universal catholic requirement. And one that I agree with, actually.

And you are supposed to be active (as is at least one godparent). I was taking issue with them taking attendance and using donation envelopes as their proof. THATS what I find to be ridiculous and not the norm.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that

Luv-a-Bug

I am Episcopalian and I am not great about attending church, but there was no problem in baptizing DS last weekend.  Both of his godparents are catholic and all we had to do was show up 30 minutes prior to go over the stuff we were supposed to say.

FWIW, DH doesn't really believe either, but he came to the service and only complained briefly about having to sit through a whole service (ours are done during a regular sunday service, I think Catholic ceremonies are much quicker as they are done outside of regular mass).  I guess he figured it was only an hour out of his life that he had to nod and smile to make me happy. 

Dr.Loretta

I agree with your DH. If you're not religious, having a baptism is kind of silly, IMHO.

I have heard of some very lovely welcoming or naming ceremonies for people's children. My friends did this, as one is Catholic, the other Jewish, and they're not going with a specific religion for their son. They had a nice outdoor ceremony at a gazebo at a local park, found some non-religious welcome readings, and invited friends and family to welcome their son.

white318

As other people have said you can do a child dedication.  I know that in non-denom churches or Baptist this is what we do. It basically tells the church and friends and family that you are committed to raising this child in your beliefs with the help of the church family. 

I also know many people who just do a party for the godparents at their home or a restaurant and give them small token gifts to remember the occasion, rather than doing it in a church setting(for those families that are not Catholic but like the idea of Godparents).  But if you do not believe in the church or God aspect of the godparent or dedication, maybe a naming ceremony would be best, and the people you would like have as your childs support system would be recognized at that time.

 

 

lewis483903

Since you are not religious you have to understand what Baptizing your child means before you should Baptism them.

The definition of ?Baptism? emphasizes the faithfulness of the parents by dedicating their child to Christianity and dedicating themselves to raising their child in the faith. A Dedication is basically the same thing, you are dedicating your child to God.

If you take the "religious aspect" out of a Baptism then it is not a Baptism, Christening or Dedication.