Who has a 22mo old and a nb?

alicatt79

How hard is it?  What does your older child understand about the new baby?  Do you use a baby carrier?  What are the hardest things?  Any advice?  I'm starting to freak out a little.

Thanks!!

Mrs.Reem

Actually... I think it's the perfect spacing. We've been so lucky. Our older child has always just been an awesome big sister. Her times of wanting more attention weren't as severe as others I've heard about and overall she just loves having her little sister around. Now that our youngest is more interactive they play together so well! Our big girl knows that she has to be gentle with the baby and how she needs to be fed. Katen runs to comfort her when she cries and helps to sing little songs to her. 

It's also been great because she was just becoming old enough to walk on her own when we're in stores, etc when the baby was born so I didn't have to carry two and she is able to dress herself, etc now that the little one is getting wiggly and hard to dress.  I do use my beco carrier a ton. Otherwise I can't fit our groceries in the cart at the grocery store. Now that our big girl walks outside the cart and our little one sits it's better but still easier to put her in the carrier. When we go to the park the carrier is a must because then I can keep up with my toddler and lift her into the swing. If I don't have my carrier, Katen can't swing because our little one will crawl off somewhere while I'm lifting our bigger girl. 

Our older child is also old enough that I can trust her to be alone for a few minutes with a book or toys while I put the baby to sleep.

Really I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. i really love the spacing of my girls.  

lkf041

Mine are a little closer than yours but I think it's going pretty smoothly.  DS loves his sister and is a great helper.  I use a moby wrap.  The hardest part is feeding her, it takes so much time and DS has to occupy himself.  Luckily he plays on his own but it still makes me feel guilty.  My only advice is to relax, it will help everyone adjust better.  Good luck:)

ape

first one was born May of '06. Second April '08. Third May '10. They are all two years apart. It has it's issues but I think it works for us. They play so well together. They are all girls so the whole clothing thing is a breeze. 

I do suggest a baby carrier. I often have the 4 yr old walking, 2 yr old in a stroller and the 2 month old slinging it.

Hardest thing is getting the things you need done with four different people's needs in mind. The oldest doesn't need a nap but does need a little "down time". During this down time the second one naps and often the oldest will get restless. The oldest has been known to wake her sister to play. This makes for a cranky 2 yr old. You have to plan your day according to #2's nap and #3 feeding. It isn't all that big of a deal really but it is probably the hardest thing.

We are laid back and raise laid back kids. I take the girls everywhere and have no help. SAHM. No family. I had no one here to help after any of their births. For me it's just knowing that on good days you go and get stuff done and bad days you relax.  

bacala1

My son looooooves his baby sister. He panics when she cries and runs over to counsole her while calling me for help. It's the best! So far she sleeps alot so it has been easy plus she's a great baby. My son also seemed to really mature when he turned 2 and is alot more independent now.

vajen

I am 4 months in and loving it.  Honestly, it hasn't been as difficult as I expected.  I imagine it will get more challenging once #2 is on the move, but so far so good.  As a 2nd time parent, I find that I'm much more laid back, which helps everyone.  DS loves his little sister, he gets excited to see her, and he "baby talks" to her....but he can also be very independent and do his own thing, which is also helpful.  In the beginning weeks when feedings lasted longer, DS probably watched more cartoons than I would care for him to watch, but you do what you gotta do!  Now he's content to play alone or look at books while I put DD to bed.  The carrier comes in handy, especially for grocery shopping!

The hardest part was probably the VERY beginning.  Adjusting to two while sleep deprived and recovering from a c-section (not being able to pick up DS was upsetting), but our parents came to help out and now those weeks are a distant memory.

They grow up SO fast....enjoy every second!  I wouldn't change the spacing for anything. 

ariel06

DS #1 turned two the week before DS#2 was born.  Overall things are going much more smoothly than I expected.  He really likes his baby brother and always is wanting to "help".  My biggest stress is making sure baby is in a safe spot that DS #1 can't play with him if I leave the room (he's not gentle enough).  I think I will be buying a Moby wrap soon because DS #2 is a snugggler and likes to be held. 

ashley0616

Liv was 21m when Ellie was born. It was a very hard transition at first. Olivia kept wanting to be the baby, she wanted to be swaddled, stopped feeding herself, threw tantrums, misbehaved a lot when I was feeding Ellie, etc. It was a very rough 2 weeks at first. Then Olivia started to really connect with Ellie and her mothering instincts came out, she would sit on the couch next to me and give her baby "baby juice" when I was feeding Ellie, she wanted to help, she ran to get things, and I tried to make sure to spend some special time with her as much as possible. Often, this was going to the park and playing with Olivia while Ellie slept in her carseat. I emphasized the "big girl" aspect of her life and how special being a big sister is and how there are so many things she can do that the baby can't. I've realized that the last almost 6 months have really flown by, and now they are entertaining each other. Olivia brings Ellie toys, tickles her, tries to hold her, and Ellie honestly thinks the sun rises and sets with Olivia. They are in love. It does start out really hard, but it will get easier as long as you remember that your oldest is speical and needs alone time too, that things will get better, and that (and this was my saving grace) the olest will soon forget the time when they were the only child and life will just be with a younger sibling. HTH.

kfriscia

Mine are 19 months apart and I love the spacing.  He didn't really understand the whole concept of a new baby and I think that worked out to our advantage.  He would look at the baby every now and then but mostly just go about his business.  And we bent over backwards to stick to his routine as much as possible.  Only now am I starting to see some jealousy 7 months into it.  He is 27 months and definately gets it now! And isn't so thrilled that his little brother can move around and is showing interest in his toys. But even that hasn't been that bad. I did use a baby carrier for the first few months. It definately helped to have two free hands. It's normal to freak out but it really is going to be okay! I would it again in a heartbeat.

Notwifezilla7

My girls are just under 22 mo apart and it's been a smooth transition here. DD1 has always been a "good baby" and really things didn't change too much when we brought DD2 home. She never went through any issues w/being jealous and always "oohs" and "aahs" over her little sister. Now as DD2 is getting more independent and on the cusp of being mobile, I notice DD1 is getting a little more protective of "her stuff". I don't know if it's because of the baby or her age. Either way, it's far from horrible here. To be honest, I'm loving the age difference! I can't wait for a few more months when they actually can play with each other a little more.

 

EMWindy

Mine are 22 months apart - I am only 2 weeks in, but it is going good so far.  I was expecting immediate jealousy and lots of issues.   DD loves the baby - to the point that it is hard for her to leave him alone sometimes.

Don't worry - you will be fine - I think 22 months is great.   My older one loves to play independently with figurines (we got her new disney figurines as a big sister gift), and that has been great so far.

Last night, she sang 'twinkle twinkle little star' to the baby and it was about the cutest thing I'd ever seen.

I'm sure there are challenges with every age-spacing for 2 kids - but honestly, I wouldn't worry too much - you will manage just fine.   GL

Kellina

Great post- I enjoyed reading the responses as well! Mine will be 23mo apart!

alicatt79

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! 

I am so used to hearing everyone tell me how difficult it's going to be, how exhausted I'll be, how jealous/angry/resentful DS is going to be that I was almost dreading the answers I'd get here.  Usually the Bump boards tend to make things sound more dramatic than the reality.

My sister and I are 22 months apart and DH and I really wanted our children to be close in age.  This gap seemed ideal to us.  However in the last month or so, as I've been going through my regular routine with DS (I SAH), I've been asking myself what I'd be doing with a newborn too...and that's when the freaking out began. 

Thanks so much for easing my mind!  I'm def going to get a carrier, too.  I'm looking at the Ergo.  Any recs would be appreciated.   

 

thomas&lynn

Mine are almost exactly 2yrs apart and I think it is perfect, but I have nothing to compare it to. And if I did, I would be comparing a differenct set of children

My toddler is very verbal and has a huge vocab and understands even more than she speaks so that helps a ton. She's also really good at playing independently. I've noticed no crazy jealousy but I also can't say she's completely into her little brother yet. She shows concern when he cries, knows and says his name, asks where he is and all that and has tickled him or bounced him in his bouncey for me in an effort ot interact but she otherwise just seems to ignore him. She's kinda neutral about him.

The baby, however, *adores* her. Everytime she gets near, he turns his head towards her and just stares at her with this look of complete awe. Her voice calms him....to the point where her normal loud noise levels are welcome lol. He smiles at her unprompted, too, which is really kinda crazy!

I personally would not have wanted them any closer in age but I think her being maybe 2.5yrs would've been even better because she would've been completely potty trained by then (I'm assuming). As in, knows how to pull down her own undies, wash her own hands etcc etc. That's been kinda crazy having a newborn and having to put him down while he's nursing to take her to the potty. It almost makes diapers look good right about now lol. 

But all in all it is what it is and I'm happy with how we did it. I will say I can't wait for that moment where I can say she adores him though!

vajen

alicatt79:

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!! 

I am so used to hearing everyone tell me how difficult it's going to be, how exhausted I'll be, how jealous/angry/resentful DS is going to be that I was almost dreading the answers I'd get here.  Usually the Bump boards tend to make things sound more dramatic than the reality.

My sister and I are 22 months apart and DH and I really wanted our children to be close in age.  This gap seemed ideal to us.  However in the last month or so, as I've been going through my regular routine with DS (I SAH), I've been asking myself what I'd be doing with a newborn too...and that's when the freaking out began. 

Thanks so much for easing my mind!  I'm def going to get a carrier, too.  I'm looking at the Ergo.  Any recs would be appreciated.   

 

I had a bjorn for DS but bought the ergo before DD was born b/c everyone raved about it.  I didn't buy the infant insert though (which I've read pros and cons about), and maybe that's why it hasn't gotten much use yet.  I've tried DD in it a couple of times, but so far she doesn't seem to love it.  So I've been using the bjorn again which is working fine.  Good luck!

Jen&Len

Mine are 21 months apart.  DS didn't understand much about the baby before she came, but has responded really well to her.  No jealousy issues.  I think he thinks she's some sort of pet (a good thing, since he loves animals).  Lots of hugs and kisses from the get go, he said, "I love you" without prompting yesterday, he'll fix her blanket for her if it's falling off, will try to "help" feed her and rock her bouncer. 

The hardest thing is restraining him even when he means well.  He doesn't understand that he's so much stronger than her.  So when he's "helping" to burp her, he's actually whacking her pretty hard on the back.  Or sometimes he gets a little over zealous when he's hugging her, so we have to separate them a little.

 The baby carrier is a definite.  It's really really cute to see them together though.