Sister wanting to reusing MN

Meehanbride · July 2010

My DD's middle name is Grace. My sister asked me the other day if she has another girl if I mind if she uses the mn Grace as well. We sometimes call our DD Gracie as a nn.

I wasnt sure what to say. Some parts of me say sure why not. Other parts of me say, that is our name, come up with something else.

Any thoughts?

k*princess · July 2010

No one owns a name, especially a middle name, and especially one that is being used for half of little girls in America.

fineskyline · July 2010

I feel like that's kind of weird, unless it was like, some kind of honoring/family name or something really meaningful.

If it were my sister, I'd tell her to be a little more imaginative. With all the lovely names in the world! Personally, I would probably be annoyed, however irrational it may be.

jillianfries · July 2010

She could have not asked and just used it. I don't think it's a big deal.

b2b999 · July 2010

For the most part I would not take any of the names my siblings have named their children (either fn or mn) BUT we have a tradition in our family of naming the first daughter's mn Elizabeth, its been happening for 5 generations of our maternal line.

My brother's youngest daughter he gave the middle name Elizabeth to. His daughter is outside our maternal line so it does not continue the tradition, therefore even though he used it, we will be using it for our oldest daughter. I'm not going to ask him, because I agree, you never own a name, especially a middle name.

sunnyday016 · July 2010

It's just a middle name. I don't think it's a big deal at all.

pinchu · July 2010

Not a big deal. My DD's middle name is Anne and relatives have used it as the MN for their kids without asking.

hewinked · July 2010

I would be annoyed, especially coming from my sister. There are tons of other names to use. If it was a more distant relative, I wouldn't care cuz there's a good chance they don't even know DD's mn.

CrazyToast · July 2010

k*princess:
No one owns a name, especially a middle name, and especially one that is being used for half of little girls in America.

I completely agree with this thought.

KLMFBP3 · July 2010

It's just a middle name. For both parties. I don't see the big deal in it.

plunderb · July 2010

CrazyToast:
k*princess:
No one owns a name, especially a middle name, and especially one that is being used for half of little girls in America.
I completely agree with this thought.

Agree.

Mrs.Greg · July 2010

I think it's weird that she thought it was even an issue. If I liked a relative's name, I would think they would like to have my child named after them (or their child or whoever)... I wouldn't think to ask for their permission. If anything, I would bring it up like, "Oh, DH and I love then name ____ (which is your/your child's name) and we are going to name our son/daughter that." If someone I knew, friend or relative, wanted to name their daughter Lydia (my baby's name), I would think it was a compliment.

strangebird · July 2010

She asked you; she was being polite and considerate; you should be gracious and generous. It's a middle name, a common and beautiful one. Surely, it will not be the end of the world if she also uses it? Consider it honoring your daughter, if you must, but I honestly don't understand how petty you must be to be offended by her choice, especially given she kindly asked for your (unnecessary) permission well in advance.

Many families share names all the time--my grandmother and aunt have the same first name, which is also one of my middle names, my sister-in-law's first name, and will be our daughter's first name, too. My grandfather, two of my cousins and our son will all share a name. My great-uncle, uncle, a cousin, uncle-in-law, and a nephew all share the same name. Is that going a bit overboard? Absolutely, but we're a very closely knit family and none of us are childish enough to consider any of our names sacred. Consider it honoring your daughter or the beginning of a family tradition, a family name, whatever, but set her mind at ease and allow her to use Grace if she so chooses. How ironic that those who use the name apparently don't often practice it.

Meehanbride · July 2010

strangebird:

She asked you; she was being polite and considerate; you should be gracious and generous. It's a middle name, a common and beautiful one. Surely, it will not be the end of the world if she also uses it? Consider it honoring your daughter, if you must, but I honestly don't understand how petty you must be to be offended by her choice, especially given she kindly asked for your (unnecessary) permission well in advance.

Many families share names all the time--my grandmother and aunt have the same first name, which is also one of my middle names, my sister-in-law's first name, and will be our daughter's first name, too. My grandfather, two of my cousins and our son will all share a name. My great-uncle, uncle, a cousin, uncle-in-law, and a nephew all share the same name. Is that going a bit overboard? Absolutely, but we're a very closely knit family and none of us are childish enough to consider any of our names sacred. Consider it honoring your daughter or the beginning of a family tradition, a family name, whatever, but set her mind at ease and allow her to use Grace if she so chooses. How ironic that those who use the name apparently don't often practice it.

I think you are being a little dramatic. I never said I or DD OWN it and I certainly didnt say she couldnt use it. I know it is popular and beautiful. I just wasnt 100% sure. PS She isnt even pregnant! We were just discussing names.

starlight8323 · July 2010

fineskyline:
If it were my sister, I'd tell her to be a little more imaginative. With all the lovely names in the world! Personally, I would probably be annoyed, however irrational it may be.

LOL. That would be like the pot calling the kettle black.

lilmgirl · July 2010

My thoughts:

1. Your signature is WAY TOO BIG. You really need THREE tickers for this pregnancy?

2. As pp's mentioned, no one owns a name. It should really be a compliment she likes the name so much.

bootsie08 · July 2010

strangebird:
She asked you; she was being polite and considerate; you should be gracious and generous. It's a middle name, a common and beautiful one. Surely, it will not be the end of the world if she also uses it? Consider it honoring your daughter, if you must, but I honestly don't understand how petty you must be to be offended by her choice, especially given she kindly asked for your (unnecessary) permission well in advance.
Many families share names all the time--my grandmother and aunt have the same first name, which is also one of my middle names, my sister-in-law's first name, and will be our daughter's first name, too. My grandfather, two of my cousins and our son will all share a name. My great-uncle, uncle, a cousin, uncle-in-law, and a nephew all share the same name. Is that going a bit overboard? Absolutely, but we're a very closely knit family and none of us are childish enough to consider any of our names sacred. Consider it honoring your daughter or the beginning of a family tradition, a family name, whatever, but set her mind at ease and allow her to use Grace if she so chooses. How ironic that those who use the name apparently don't often practice it.

Seriously? I really don't see why the OP warrants some of these responses. She even said that part of her thinks it's no big deal.

jlw559 · July 2010

lilmgirl:

My thoughts:

1. Your signature is WAY TOO BIG. You really need THREE tickers for this pregnancy?

2. As pp's mentioned, no one owns a name. It should really be a compliment she likes the name so much.

I agree with all this, especially the bolded part.

*kendrick* · July 2010

I wouldn't think twice about it. I say this kindly, but bluntly...it isn't your name. Grace is a very common, popular name/word with a meaning that appeals to many people.

No one owns names and families get by just fine with people with shared first names. This is even stronger to me in this case because it is your daughter's MN and their daughter's MN, not even first names in either case.

Wouldn't not "sharing" it be sadly ironic in the midst of what grace means and in the midst of her consideration in even asking you? ETA- I don't mean that as a flame, just genuine food for thought. I didn't even read PPs comments until after I posted. I'm not trying to gang up on your or anything.

Meehanbride · July 2010

bootsie08:
strangebird:

She asked you; she was being polite and considerate; you should be gracious and generous. It's a middle name, a common and beautiful one. Surely, it will not be the end of the world if she also uses it? Consider it honoring your daughter, if you must, but I honestly don't understand how petty you must be to be offended by her choice, especially given she kindly asked for your (unnecessary) permission well in advance.

Many families share names all the time--my grandmother and aunt have the same first name, which is also one of my middle names, my sister-in-law's first name, and will be our daughter's first name, too. My grandfather, two of my cousins and our son will all share a name. My great-uncle, uncle, a cousin, uncle-in-law, and a nephew all share the same name. Is that going a bit overboard? Absolutely, but we're a very closely knit family and none of us are childish enough to consider any of our names sacred. Consider it honoring your daughter or the beginning of a family tradition, a family name, whatever, but set her mind at ease and allow her to use Grace if she so chooses. How ironic that those who use the name apparently don't often practice it.

Seriously? I really don't see why the OP warrants some of these responses. She even said that part of her thinks it's no big deal.

Thank you bootsie!

strangebird · July 2010

Meehanbride:
I think you are being a little dramatic. I never said I or DD OWN it and I certainly didnt say she couldnt use it. I know it is popular and beautiful. I just wasnt 100% sure. PS She isnt even pregnant! We were just discussing names.

When you posted on a public message board, did you expect everyone who answered to agree with you and tell you that it's perfectly understandable to feel offended that your sister wants to use the same (very common) middle name you chose for your daughter? I hate to disappoint, but I don't think it's perfectly understandable. I think it's petty and childish.

Grace is one of, if not the most popular middle name for girls today. It has mass appeal--are you going to allow it to bother you each and every time you hear that some other parents have given the name to their daughter? Of course you're not. So why would it bother you that someone close to you has done the same? It doesn't make sense.

"You don't own a name," is a popular phrase around here--try not to take it so literally. I'm well aware that you never declared ownership, but you do seem to be contemplating labeling "Grace" your exclusive territory. And whether or not your sister is or is not pregnant makes no difference whatsoever to my point, I still think publicly declaring you're not sure you can share your baby's name, even with a member of your own family is petty and shows an ironic lack of grace. My advice, my opinion, stand: allow her to use the name with equanimity; there is no just reason to feel offended by her choice to do so.

LilyLoveEst07 · July 2010

Meehanbride:
strangebird:

She asked you; she was being polite and considerate; you should be gracious and generous. It's a middle name, a common and beautiful one. Surely, it will not be the end of the world if she also uses it? Consider it honoring your daughter, if you must, but I honestly don't understand how petty you must be to be offended by her choice, especially given she kindly asked for your (unnecessary) permission well in advance.

Many families share names all the time--my grandmother and aunt have the same first name, which is also one of my middle names, my sister-in-law's first name, and will be our daughter's first name, too. My grandfather, two of my cousins and our son will all share a name. My great-uncle, uncle, a cousin, uncle-in-law, and a nephew all share the same name. Is that going a bit overboard? Absolutely, but we're a very closely knit family and none of us are childish enough to consider any of our names sacred. Consider it honoring your daughter or the beginning of a family tradition, a family name, whatever, but set her mind at ease and allow her to use Grace if she so chooses. How ironic that those who use the name apparently don't often practice it.

I think you are being a little dramatic. I never said I or DD OWN it and I certainly didnt say she couldnt use it. I know it is popular and beautiful. I just wasnt 100% sure. PS She isnt even pregnant! We were just discussing names.

I have to say I kind of agree with strangebird. It seems childish to not want to share the name. Its such a common name!

And, like PPs said, yikes thats a long signature!

braveangel2 · July 2010

Some thoughts on this in no particular order...

It was nice of her to ask

No one owns a name

Grace is so popular as a first and as a middle name...it's just a filler name for most people

All of my mom's sisters have the middle name Marie, and several of their daughter's do too (mine is actually a half of a Marie - funny story there)

Grace is the new Marie

This board is not always nice, but it does offer honesty in varying degrees

I would have asked my sister

Personally, I would say thank you for asking and that if they love the name use it

It's not final until it's on the birth certificate

CosetteEmile · July 2010

If it was a first name I might be a little angry about it, but not a middle name. My sisters and I all have the same middle name, our mother's maiden name. It's never been weird or anything. It doesn't bother us. It's a middle name.

erinms · July 2010

CrazyToast:
k*princess:
No one owns a name, especially a middle name, and especially one that is being used for half of little girls in America.
I completely agree with this thought.

Me three.

Temp984666312503071 · July 2010

No... It wouldn't bother me.

My DD's middle name is Grace. My husband picked it because he loves it and it has family roots. I was luke warm because of how common it is (the "Marie" of the new millenium). So I think those of us with little Graces need to get over it when half of our friends and family also use it as a middle name.

dana1318a · July 2010

I don't think its a big deal..just because you use your DDs middle name as a nickname doesn't mean your sister would. I think if you're both runnin around calling your kids the same name that might be weird, but if its strictly for middle name purposes I think it would be fine. My niece is named Samantha Grace (and they call her Samantha Grace often). Grace is one of our top choices for a FD (so there's a possiblity we'll use her mn as a fn). We don't really see an issue with it, but maybe that's just our family.

Meehanbride · July 2010

strangebird:
Meehanbride:

I think you are being a little dramatic. I never said I or DD OWN it and I certainly didnt say she couldnt use it. I know it is popular and beautiful. I just wasnt 100% sure. PS She isnt even pregnant! We were just discussing names.

When you posted on a public message board, did you expect everyone who answered to agree with you and tell you that it's perfectly understandable to feel offended that your sister wants to use the same (very common) middle name you chose for your daughter? I hate to disappoint, but I don't think it's perfectly understandable. I think it's petty and childish.

Grace is one of, if not the most popular middle name for girls today. It has mass appeal--are you going to allow it to bother you each and every time you hear that some other parents have given the name to their daughter? Of course you're not. So why would it bother you that someone close to you has done the same? It doesn't make sense.

"You don't own a name," is a popular phrase around here--try not to take it so literally. I'm well aware that you never declared ownership, but you do seem to be contemplating labeling "Grace" your exclusive territory. And whether or not your sister is or is not pregnant makes no difference whatsoever to my point, I still think publicly declaring you're not sure you can share your baby's name, even with a member of your own family is petty and shows an ironic lack of grace. My advice, my opinion, stand: allow her to use the name with equanimity; there is no just reason to feel offended by her choice to do so.

In my own defense:

#1 If you reread my OP I never once said I was offended. I merely stated I wasnt sure if that was a common thing.

#2 I know Grace is popular as are many other names. Again if you reread my OP I clearly stated part of me thinks it is OK, part of me was UNSURE! That in no way says I am offended.

#3 I was in NO WAY 'publicly declaring I can't share'. I was simply asking if that is a normal, commom practice. And I personally feel that YOU are showing me lack of grace for asking a simple question that could have been answered with MUCH more grace. I dont feel an attack was necessary. Many people answered my question with a simple, but firm answer.

Thanks for your imput but, I understand your point I just wish you didnt have to be so harsh.

MrsR0908 · July 2010

Not a big deal at all. I think it would be neat actually.

PP is right, everyone uses Grace. ( me included) lol

gotchagomo · July 2010

sunnyday016:
It's just a middle name. I don't think it's a big deal at all.

This, plus it's one of those names that is so common and goes well with so many first names that you better just get used to seeing it everywhere.

aldyn · July 2010

I can't think of a middle name right now that is more popular than Grace. If it were a more unique middle name, it might raise an eyebrow, but with it being so common, I can't see how you could really have a problem with her using it too as a mn.

still_a_bride · July 2010

I can understand being annoyed unless it's a family name. I'd probably feel the same way and with the relationship my sister and I have I'd ask her to think of another middle name. However, it is a very common middle name and for some reason people feel like it's the only one that "goes" with first names so if your sister is the type that would be upset, I'd let her use it. You've already laid claim to it by calling your DD Gracie!