Tell me about your shy, sensitive kid starting preschool

AgrippaRidesAgain

b/c I'm starting to get really worried about what's going to happen when DS starts this fall.  A few friends and I started a babysitting co-op and are watching all of the kids on a rotating schedule.  Today was DS's third day at someone else's house without me.  While he only cried for a few minutes after I left, he apparently refused to eat, drink, or do anything but sit on the couch for the entire 2.5 hours I was gone.  While this is an improvement from his first time (he cried for an hour and then I came to get him) it really makes me wonder if he's not ready to be in a room with a ton of other rowdy kids.  There are only 2 other kids in the co-op with us, and they're your typical screechy, rough, running toddlers.  When they are together, they feed off of one another.  DS tends to avoid them when we host the co-op.

So, if you've got a rather shy, sensitive kid, what was preschool like?  How long did it take your DC to adjust?  Did you have to pull them out after starting b/c they didn't ever adjust?

omurray

My DS is not shy or sensitive, but he still wouldn't have been emotionally ready for preschool when he was 2.  He was very social, loved playing with other kids, and very verbal.  Still, he felt safest when I was with him and was not interested in any type of class where he couldn't at least see me.  He did do Little Gym classes where the parents watch through the floor to ceiling windows in the lobby and he was fine with that because he could see me - I wouldn't have been able to leave the building though. 

In the last year (DS is now 3.5), he has really matured a lot in this area. He participated in a couple drop-off camp days this summer and will be starting preschool in the fall and I'm not concerned at all because I know he is ready now.  I was intentional about trying to help him in this area.  For instance, about 6 months ago, I started leaving the building during his Little Gym class.  I would tell him before class that if he didn't see me during class, not to worry, I was just going to run a quick errand and I would be right back.   Did this several times, and he was fine (if he had not been fine, or had seemed stressed about it, I wouldn't have done it).  Also, about a year ago, I hired a mother's helper (6th grade neighbor girl) to come to my house 1.5 hrs a week and entertain DS while I clean etc..  At first, he had trouble not running to me every 10 min or so, but over time, he has gotten more comfortable and now I don't hear from him while she's here.  Just little steps like that that helped him learn to separate at a slower pace instead of just abruptly all at once.  And, I think a lot of security just came with age.  I know different things work for different kids, but I just wanted to share our experience since my DS's personality is different, but he still had separation issues.  I would not send your DS to preschool this year.  It sounds like he needs more time to feel safe/comfortable when separated from you and that is totally fine.  I believe in not rushing things, especially when there is an emotional component.  He will get there for sure!!!

NandN2005

Well, my daughter willl turn 5 in Sept. but this is the first year we're sending her to preschool (she'll start Kindy next year at almost 6) so I can't tell what happened to us, but I can tell you what I think would have happened if I tried to send her at 2.5. It probably wouldn't have worked. She maybe would have adjusted eventually, but I think it would have been really stressful and I don't think the stress would have been worth it. The next year at 3.5, had we sent her she would have been fine (after a warm up period). I probably wouldn't send him. If he's stressed it's just not worth it. He'll get there eventually, but I'd focus on giving him experiences with other kids where you can still be there and then as he matures (and based on my experience at least, I bet you'll see a big difference in the next year) you can send him to preschool next year. There's no rush! 

HarrietNJMommy

I have a HIGHLY sensitive DD#1. To the point where she would stand in the corner the ENTIRE first year of music class, and the ENTIRE first year of greek class AND both of these classes were WITH ME!!!

BUT, I sent her to preschool right before she turned 3 (she's a Nov bday). It was 2 half days per week, and it took an ENTIRE MONTH of her teachers prying her off of my at drop-off. Then she was fine. No issues. Also, she never cried more than 10 minutes after I left. At first, she didn't participate in circle time, etc. but she got over that and was fine. I found a preschool that was excellent at dealing with sensitive kids (as well as all types of kids) and I've been very happy.

Despite the rocky start, it was the BEST thing I ever did for her. In the past 2 years of preschool, DD#1 has blossomed into a more social kid. She still DOES NOT start conversations with kids she doesn't know and she is STILL very shy and sensitive, but if another kid approaches her, she won't run or hide.

I didn't even think of pulling her out at all. My DD#1 had a LONG warm-up period so if I pulled her out, she would not have been able to acclimate to her surroundings.

GL in your decision!!!!!

neverblushed

Ugh -- I feel your pain.

Both of my kids are sensitive, fairly shy, and would rather play quiet pretend than run/push/yell/compete.  They are both "sandbox" kids rather than "jungle gym" kids.  My DD had an easier adjustment, because the girls tended to be naturally more like her.  It was harder for DS, who was pretty wigged out by the "rough and tumble" play of boys.  He wanted to play with them; he just didn't know how to get in there!

First, know that this all sorted itself out and both my kids enjoyed their preschool experiences.  DS did nothing but sit on the same yellow blob on the carpet for most of his 3 y/o preschool year.  Now, at almost 6 and getting ready for kindergarten in September, you'd never know he was like that a few years ago!

I found that the key for both my kids was STRUCTURE!  My kids made friends and learned how to interact with others while doing small group activities, not during free play or outside play.  In this regard, you might talk to the other co-op moms and make sure everyone's on board with maintaining a program with a balance of free play and structured time.

If your preschool co-op curriculum starts to look more and more like an extended playdate, I'd shop around for another group or a more formal preschool. 

Part of the curriculum should be actually directly teaching the kids how to handle social situations that come up for preschoolers.  What should a child say if he/she would like to join a few other kids playing with blocks?  Many kids don't really know how to handle this.  A more boisterous kid barges in to the block area, calling attention to him/herself and getting the correction and instruction he needs.  A sensitive kid probably just decides to do something else that's "safer" -- and no one knows that he/she wanted to join in the block play!  The quiet kid never gets the one on one help with this social skill.

I responded with other hints to a post above about a child who is crying every day at preschool drop off.  Read my reply there for more ideas!

It will get better!  I swear!

ETA:  I didn't realize when I wrote this that your son is just barely 2.  That's pretty young for "preschool" although a co-op could potentially make a good transition.  But as I said above, one of the keys for my kids was structure.  A preschool program for 2s is going to be inherently less structured than one for kids aged 3 or 4.  Also, a co-op is probably going to be less structured than regular preschool as well.

Finally, you've gotten some replies on the thread that lean towards "he's too young; wait a while" and some that lean toward "stick with school; he'll adjust!"  This was a real dilemma for me, too, with my DS -- whom I felt was BARELY ready for school when he turned 3 just as the school year started.   I think you have to carefully evaluate what experiences will help him become more confident -- another 6 months to a year of more one-on-one time with Mom... or sticking it out in a preschool setting?  Which one will help him grow more confident?

For my son, I did not feel at age 3, that another full year at home with me was going to make him grow more independent.  But at 2 I might have felt that differently.  Only you can decide this, based on your knowledge of your son!  Good luck!

trizzie

I am so glad you posted this.  DS is very much like the pp LO.  He isn't shy - he is very social, etc. But he is extremely attached to me. I have been second guessing putting him in for the past month and to be honest, the thought of sending him kind of makes me sick to my stomach. I really don't think he is emotionally ready and after reading the responses I think I am going to wait until next fall.

AgrippaRidesAgain

Thanks for all of the advice.  DH and I actually talked about it this evening when he got home, and I think we're going to wait until next year for preschool.  DS will only be 2.5 this year, and while we think that he really needs preschool to help with social learning, it will probably be too rough on him, particularly b/c he'll be getting a sibling in the early months of preschool too. We're going to keep doing the co-op and stick with Gymboree (which took a good month for him to get used to, WITH me there) and attempt it next year.

Sorry for the post and run earlier.

Erin&Rod

I'm late on responding but I was so happy to see this post.  Sometimes I feel like my kid is the only one not ready for preschool.  All of my friends and relatives have dropped their kids off at preschool with no problems even at 2-3 years old.  DS has attachment issues and he is very shy in new situations and with new people.  I want to start him in preschool next month but I just don't think it will work out.  I found a school (one with structure because I think that is what he needs) and talked to the director about his issues.  She said that it's not uncommon and if they feel that he is not ready that we could try him again in a few months.  Part of me feels like this is what he needs overcome his fears and the other part of me feels like we should just wait until we feel that he more ready...