TPR, finally (this could get long)

Dr.Loretta

TPR for S's birthmother was as straightforward as you can get. She signed consents 72 hours after discharge, 30 days passed, TPR was complete. The birthfather, not so much. He wouldn't answer any calls/texts from the birthmom or the agency, and basically acted like this was a situation he could ignore and it would go away. It took almost 2 months just to finally reach him and let him know the situation. He still wouldn't sign any papers. That was mid-April.

Since then, our lawyer's receptionst, who handles all of his files, was out on extended emergency leave and our lawyer had to make do with temps who weren't familiar with anything. Each time I called for an update, I got a different answer on dates, timelines, and what paperwork we needed to get to them.

The last time I talked to him (2 weeks ago), he was trying to file in court for TPR on the BF, but had to officially notify the BF, who again refused to be found. This was getting to be ridiculous, because everyone and their brother seemed to know where this guy was, he was just being difficult. If the judge saw they hadn't officially notified the BF, he could refuse to grant TPR.

We finally got a VM today that a TPR court date is scheduled for September 2.

Now DH is worried, because we can finalize 30 days after TPR (which would be early October), but our homestudy expires in October. Now I have to talk with our SW and see if we can get everything wrapped up before then, or if we have to dish out more time and $ to update our homestudy because the lawyer was disorganized.

So a good news/bad news kind of day. TPR will finally happen, hopefully we can schedule finalization in a timely manner.

::fingers crossed::

GLynn2009

Keep at everyone to make sure. I found with DD's adoption process that by checking up on everyone was how to get things done. I would say give me a date and if I did not hear from them I would do it the first thing that day. I know it was a pain sometimes to here my happy voice or see my e-mail daily but after it was all over both SWs said that if I had not be on top of everything would still would not have DD's adoption done. DD's SW also said that she knew I would be a good mom because I would not leave any stone unturned for my kids. We had a very complicated special adoption that everyone at some point told us to give up except DD's birth family.

Hang in there she is so worth it all.

Go_Dawgs

Just to warn you, just because the TPR is on the calendar doesn't mean it will happen on that date.  I have TPR dates get continued to a new date all of the time for lack of service.  Has the birth father been personally served yet (or served in whatever manner your state requires for TPR)?  It's possible to get the case on the calendar even without having service, so don't assume he has been served just because you have a court date. Now, maybe in your state or county they won't even give you a court date without service, but that's not how it works where I live.

If he hasn't been served, ask your lawyer about getting a special process server.  Where I practice, sometimes it's not worth it to try to serve papers by sheriff.  The sheriff's office won't go to much trouble.  They will knock on the door when they get around to going out to the house and if no one answers they just leave.  You can pay a special process server to sit in the driveway until he leaves or comes home or try different addresses to get personal service.  It costs some $$ but is worth it.

 Now my disclaimer - I am not admitted ot practice law in your state and know nothing of your state law regarding service of process, TPR, or any other legal issue.  These are merely suggestions of things to discuss with an attorney authorized to practice law in your state

Good luck!!  I hope that he acutally has been served and that you do go foward with the TPR on Sept 2nd!

MyColonyNJ

wow - I hope things go fast and you don't need to update your homestudy.

Dr.Loretta

Believe me, I am the Queen of the Follow Up. The lawyer can almost set his calendar by when I'm going to call. Again. Probably the reason he called me personally today. I've followed up about him with our SW and our agency. We're all doing what we can just to keep things moving.

Based on conversations I've had previously, I'm pretty sure about this court date. The last time I talked the lawyer, he stated that he couldn't file paperwork or even get a court date until he notified the BF. So if he's actually gotten this far, I'm pretty confident it's because he did his due diligence in notifying the BF. I"m going to follow up once I get hard copy confirmation of the date in the mail, so we're all on the same page.

I know this is all going to happen eventually, it's just the way it's been dragging along that annoys the crap out of me.

Go_Dawgs

Dr.Loretta:

Based on conversations I've had previously, I'm pretty sure about this court date. The last time I talked the lawyer, he stated that he couldn't file paperwork or even get a court date until he notified the BF.

Good!!  At least he didn't have to be served by publication.  That is a huge PITA.

Go_Dawgs

Oops.  Double post that I can't delete.

swanck

Wow.  That's certainly a lot to be dealing with and figuring out.  I am glad that your lawyer is getting you closer to finalization.  I hope he keeps moving forward so you don't have to wait any longer...or spend more money.

Hang in there!  You're almost at the end!

sh4602

i hope everything goes well for you. if you are in nj we should have a GTG

kmkaull2

We were in a similar boat with Q's birth father.  He didn't want to be found, and then acted all confused when he finally was notified.

 What does this guy have to do for TPR?  Q's bf was given the choice of signing in front of a notary and sending the paperwork in by the courtdate or appearing by phone during the court hearing.  He chose to call in.  We were SO nervous, as this guy was scattered to say the least.  By the grace of God he did call in at the right time and was able to terminate his rights via phone. 

Actually, both parents had to complete their terminations before we could take placement of the baby.  So you're in good shape there.  :-)

 Good luck.  I hope you don't have to update your home study!

 

Amy720

I hope everything gets straightened out soon.  We had a time with TPR too.  They had to serve 2 alleged birth fathers with papers and then give them 20 days to send them back.  They did get them sent back, but the court house somehow misplaced the papers and they had to serve them again and give them another 20 days.  We ended up not having TPR done in the birth state until Ben was 6 months old which delayed our finalization because then every thing had to be sent to my lawyer in our state.  We finally finalized 4 months later.

Dr.Loretta

kmkaull2:

 What does this guy have to do for TPR? 

At this point, nothing. The lawyer can use a state law that TPR occurs if they can show that he never lived with the BM, never was married to her, and didn't support DD in any way. But he's still required to notify the guy that the case is going to court to terminate rights.

*sigh*

And I think the worst part is that we're going to have to figure out how to explain this to DD someday.

silliestbunny

Fingers crossed for you

CaptainSerious

If you do have to update your homestudy, is there someway you can pass that cost along to the attorney, since you wouldn't have had that expense if his office was running better?  Here's hoping everything goes quickly and smoothly, so it won't come to that!

Dr.Loretta

CaptainSerious:

If you do have to update your homestudy, is there someway you can pass that cost along to the attorney, since you wouldn't have had that expense if his office was running better? 

This was DH's exact thought earlier today.

I'm hoping the lawyer can talk to the judge during the TPR hearing and get a date set for finalization. We'll just have to wait and see.

Art Teacher

I hope everything works out okay.  That would be a pain if you had to renew your homestudy. 

Glad you got the date for court!