- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Northern California Babies
Moms who had preemies in NICU, come in! (esp if C-sec)
My bff had her twins on Saturday. They were 4lb 12oz each. They are a bit underweight, but otherwise are healthy. She ended up having a C section and is recovering well. Looks like she's going to go home on Wed. The babies are probably going to stay in the NICU for another 2-6 weeks (they're giving them a big window). She's planning to go in and be with them as much as possible (to feed them, skin to skin contact, etc) through the day and go home at night.
I want to make her life easier. How can I? I was originally going to try to do some meals for her, but it sounds like they'll probably be at the hospital through dinner time so will be either buying or bringing dinner. So, I don't think bringing them dinner will work so well unless I bring it to the hospital in to-go containers then throw the leftovers away.
Ideas?
What were your survival tips/tricks?
What were your "lifelines" and "lifesavers"?
What would you tell your friends/family if you could have?
TIA!!! 
Edited title
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Moms who had preemies in NICU, come in! (esp if C-sec)
I had a cesarean but my child didn't spend time in the NICU. I have a few ideas for you anyway. Find out how long her hubby will be off work and able to drive her to the hospital. She won't be able to drive for a while after her surgery so she's doing to need rides to the hospital, either from her hubby or someone else.
Gift cards for meals are a great idea, especially for places near the hospital and/or have delivery. Find out if she has access to a fridge -- when I was in the hospital delivering/after delivery they had a fridge just for patients food and a microwave, so she might be able to take food from home just for that day and heat it up when she's ready.
Lizz might have other tips since she lived it with Max.
Ideas? What places are nearby the hospital, I would get them GC for those places. I know they would kick me out at a certain time for shift changes and those were good times for meals to be dropped off or to walk and get something.
Also she can't drive for two weeks so offering to help out with rides would be really helpful. Slippers and comfy cloths are also really nice to have when your hanging out in the waiting room.
What were your survival tips/tricks? I would have friends meet me for dinner when the shift changes were happening, and then go back in and see D. I had DH and friends give me rides back and fourth.
What would you tell your friends/family if you could have?
I would have been more vocal about help that we may have needed like at the house. Either taking mail in or getting day to day stuff done there because we were both at the hospital 24/7.
Hopefully they will be home soon, I don't think it will take 6 weeks but they say that as precaution. They are really good weights, how far along was she?
My boys weren't in the NICU long at all (basically the length of my stay at the hospital) but what I tried to do for one of our fellow Nesties here (Monticello) who just had her little one early was to offer her rides and coffee dates to fill up her day (because you can't drive for 2 weeks after a c/s). So maybe you could steal her away for an hour or so during the day and have coffee or just browse thru Target or a bookstore. I think that helps a lot.
Otherwise, the GC idea to local restaurants close to the hospital are very good.
In hindsight, I would've asked for more help on food for us. We didn't get much on that and it would've helped so much for even after we were home and had rough days/nights where we could've just thrown something in the oven or gotten take-out. Oh, and just the offer to maybe help during what would be the hardest time of day/night. I had some help for our he!! hours (7-8pm) and it was nice to share it someone (we'd each take one and feed/change/burp/calm/bathe whatever we needed to). There were even times where I'd get to sneak in a nap so I would be somewhat refreshed for the next shift.
GCs for a couple of places near the hospital, for meals... even if they don't think they need them, they do.
Gas cards are amazing too... the gift DH and I got from you guys here was a total Godsend.
You're crafty; I made a little name tag for Max's isolette that said "My name is Max, my parents are Jamie and Lizz" and several nurses told me later that they appreciated the reminder of who we were early on! LOL Also, a picture of the parents to put in the isolette is appreciated.
We read to Max a lot, so books are always good, a fun blanket to cover the isolette, to make the babies stand out from the generic hospital blankets they use to cover them. Same thing with hats; they wear hats 24/7 in the NICU, so cute hats are a must!
I left a light cardigan sweater at Max's station; I get chilly easily, just sitting there, so I appreciated having something there when I wanted it.
Remind her to take pictures! There are parents who don't, esp. when their baby will be in short term, because they don't want to document the tough start, but trust me... she'll regret not having them if she doesn't take them.
Bed Bath & Beyond has antibacterial lotion that I kept in my car; all of the handwashing is really hard on your skin, so I went through tons of that stuff! (And gave a gift basket of it to the nurses to keep in their break room)
If she's nursing, she will probably also spend quite a bit of time in the pumping room, so trashy magazines are always good!
Have they been getting congrats cards and stuff? I didn't get a SINGLE congratulations card/balloon (I did get a couple of bouquets, but I was also in the hospital for over a week, so they were "Get Well" not "New Baby"), and it broke my heart when I realized it. It was like people were too nervous to celebrate Max, and it makes me sad.
What hospital is she at? If it's Kaiser WC I can make more specific suggestions!
This is helpful... Thank you!
They were at 34.5 wks.
Dad is off for the next 4 weeks.
D was born at the same time and weighed just about the same, he just had to get the eating down and was set free. It took about 10 days, every child is different but I am sure they will be out of there soon.
I agree with Erica meals for the freezer would be great even if they are not home yet. When they do get home they will need them, and so thankful they have them.
Gift cards for gas and local restaurants is an awesome suggestion!
I think they'll probably not have to be there as long as they are saying now, because it really is mostly the eating/weight at this point. But... You never know.
They are at John Muir in WC - so not too far from the WC Kaiser.
I love the sign idea. I think I'll do that. I have a couple of cute pics of mom/dad when she was still PG that I could probably use on a sign. And I might try to get them a couple of cheap-ish (in case they get lost) blankets and hats for them.
They have been getting congrats cards. Since the babies are relatively healthy, it's a pretty 'happy' tone overall.
We essentially lived at the hospital while she was in the NICU - my hospital had a small fridge and microwave that parents could use in the NICU waiting/parents room. So meals that they can just heat up, or a bag of snacks they can stash in the kitchen could work. DH hit TJ's for us and we had a bag of snacks (dried fruit, bananas, etc) that we put in a cupboard. Or ask when shift change is and drop off a meal then (I think it's pretty universal that parents have to leave during the hour of shift change).
After they get home bring a meal over (or something relatively stable that they can have at home now). No one brought us food and while we weren't home a lot it would have been nice to have something to heat up.
Could also offer to come to their house and do laundry (like wash and remake their bed) or if there is any last baby laundry that needs to be done before they come home. I only had like 3 pair of pants that I could wear so I'd put them in to wash during one visit home, but them in the dryer the next visit, and then I could wear them the 3rd time.
I'm going to ditto the hot meals or meals to reheat when they get home. No one, not even my parents, brought us anything to eat until DS was almost two weeks old and then it was stuff for sandwiches, which I didn't have time to make or eat.
And laundry would have been a huge help. At that point I didn't care who handle my undies, I just needed some clean ones!
It's so kind of you to be there for her.
My sister had her daughter 7 weeks early. My sister was in the hospital for a week and Amy was there for 3 weeks. I lived in Sacramento so there wasn't a lot I could do (baby was in WC and then Vallejo) but my mom drove her to the hospital everyday to see Amy. I think gift cards to restaurants in the area of the hospital are good too since she will probably be there at least once a day.
A strong dose of moral support goes a long way. It was so hard for my sister to leave her but she also had a 4 year old at home to keep her busy when she was released. But we gave her lots of support and love until Amy was released.
Maybe you can go to her house and help wash clothes and prepare for the babies to get home. I sent my sister a text asking what was helpful so when she replies, I'll add more.
ETA: My sister said cooked meals waiting at home. After driving back home from the hospital, the last thing they wanted to do was cook. So having dinner ready and just need to be reheated was good.
Oooh, good idea on the laundry especially once the twins are home. It can get SO overwhelming just after one day.
Also, her twins were born at the same age as the boys. I hope her babes have a short stay and can come home SOON!!
I was recently in this exact situation with Tyler (minus the twins!). You've gotten so many wonderful ideas already.
Since I wasn't able to drive myself the first two weeks I really appreciated friends who came to hospital and took me out for coffee, breakfast, a trip to the bookstore, etc. It was nice to have a little break away from the hospital and be able to just be me for a little bit.
I also really appreciated when people just did things. So many people did and keep saying to us "Let us know what we can do". We weren't sure and still aren't exactly sure what we need! Some of the best things people just did for us without asking were dropping dinner off that we could eat or freeze, bringing me magazines to the hospital, bringing pizza to the hospital.
I totally agree on making sure that they take lots of pictures. I was a little apprehensive to take pictures of Tyler in the NICU especially when he had an i.v. and feeding tube but I am SO glad that I did. I may have forgotten have tiny he was and how far he's already come! Also make sure mom and dad get in the photos too no matter how they may be feeling.
Overall, I think just being there for them and doing little things you know they like will be so appreciated. They are so lucky to have you supporting them during this time.
Ask her what would be helpful. You never know. It could be something as small as picking up mail, watering, etc. Every person has a different definition of what help is but when you need help and someone meets your needs, you appreciate it.
Our kids were less than 4 pounds each and they were only in the NICU for about a week and a half. It was mostly when we got home that I needed help. Grocery shopping, meals, etc. But again, I wish that people would have asked because some people made meals that I couldn't eat or tried to contribute in ways that they thought were helpful (and while their hearts were in the right place) it actually wasn't helpful.
So please ask first.
When Q was in ICU for jaundice, I was a visiting mom which meant they gave me a room but no food. It was really nice to have friends bring dinner over and sit with us and talk about 'normal' stuff. Sure, DH could have gone and gotten food, but it was really nice for him not to have left.
They'll probably also need meals once they finally bring the babies home and DH may not be off work by that time (making the home transition that much more difficult)
reading through the responses, something to add, you've got to know your audience. I HATE the "let me know if you need anything" because I'll never ask. It all feels so small and petty and I don't know what I need until it NEEDS to be done. So, I need you to look around, see the need, and fill it.
Maybe start with "What can I do for you?" and then if you don't get a response, "how about if I xxx?"
Thank you for the feedback. I've been trying to do the "I'll do x", but I don't want to be pushy either... heh. Trying to find that balance.