NPR: WDYT of donations as a wedding favor?

REOM

We have been to 2 wedding this month (2 more next month!) and both had made a donation in lieu of favors.

At first I thought it was a nice gesture. Why spend the money on crap, right? Then I started thinking is was AWish. I mean, if you want to make a donation, just do it. Don't make a big deal demanding recognition for it.

I'm not super biblical/religious, but it reminded me of the reading in the bible that says that if you're fasting, you should wash and make yourself presentable so everyone doesn't know you are fasting. Meaning, not looking for recognition.

WDYT?

DandelionMom

I've always thought it was a nice and never really thought of it as demanding recognition but I can see how it could be taken that way.  They probably just didn't want to be thought of as too cheap to put out favors. 

Temp374386125003286

My BFF did this but her brother recently died of cancer before the wedding so it seemed appropriate.  I'm all for it when there is an obvious cause that is special for the couple.  Otherwise I think it is odd. 

~Kat~

You know, I kind of agree with you. On one hand, I can see the couple not wanting everyone to think that they were cheap by not having favors, but on the other, it does seem a little AW-ish to say that you made a donation. Just today in church our pastor talked about not doing nice things because you want people to think more highly of you. So, maybe that is why it is a little off putting to me.

debs1018

I have seen this too lately. I guess it doesn't bother me that they say something. The last one I went to they had a little scroll with the name of the place they were donating too, no anouncements or anything. My only question is if the couple doesnt say anything, wouldn't most people wonder where the favor was?

Yodajo

When we married, we had a rose at every place setting with a note that said we had made a donation to the Alzheimer's Assoc in lieu of a traditional favor.  I had just lost my father a few months before to Alzheimer's and wanted to do something to  honor him.  For me, it wasn't about 'Look what we just did, aren't we generous', but more about my dad not being there and wanting to recognize him in any way I could think of. 

MayorMcCheese000

We did a donation to the children's home my special-needs brother spent most of his life in prior to passing away. We did not do it to be AW's. It seemed to be an appropriate way to honor someone we loved and who could not be there. IMO favors are dumb anyways - most of them just get left on the table, I would much rather know that money that was donated in my honor was used to buy handicapped children some new toys vs having a tin of jordan almonds.

~Kat~

I think that doing it in honor of a relative is a completely different situation!

Marchmamma

~Kat~:

I think that doing it in honor of a relative is a completely different situation!

This! Otherwise I think George from Seinfeld and the Human fund.

hopefulmom

I agree...just don't have favors and if they want to give money they would have spent on favors to a charity then do that.  We give to our favorite charities and don't agree with some so I wouldn't necessarily appreciate something that was supposed to be my favor going to a charity I don't endorse.  kwim?

veloelle

I think it's a nice gesture and haven't thought of it as showy. Maybe it depends on the couple? Agree w/ the PP that I'd rather see a note about that than a few pieces of candy.

BubblyToes

That's what we did.  We sponsored a child with cancer to go to what's called Camp Kemo.  I had a table with a few of the "yearbooks" so to speak, so people could see what it was all about.

It wasn't about being cheap, we spent more on that than we would have on favors.   And I was very vocal about it, because I wanted more people to know about it.

 ETA,by "it" I mean the programs provided by this particular children's hospital.

EliseB0323

I feel the same way you do.  Most people don't really care about favors. If you want to donate money, just do it. There's no need to make a big announcement about it. I also secretly wonder if people actually make a donation to charity, or if they are just looking for an excuse to not spend money of favors.

MayorMcCheese000

I think there are 3 reasons to "announce" a donation in lieu of favors at a wedding.

1. It is nice to know when a donation is made somewhere in your honor.

2. It brings more attention to a charity/organization you care about.

3. It answers the question of guests asking "why wasn't there a favor?"

I have never seen anything beyond a "in lieu of favors a donation has been made in your honor to XXX" at the table assignment table. I don't consider that showy.....maybe if you had an airplane doing it in skywriting or something, lol.

skippy2310

We had little pins made from puzzle pieces at each seat with a note as to why it's the symbol for autism. We donated money to autism research in my cousin's honor who is severely autistic. We weren't trying to be showy or "look at us, we donated money!" it was just something we wanted to do to bring more awareness to the cause and because I know it meant a lot to my aunt and uncle when they saw it.