IL vent! May be long

meghans30

My DH was estranged from his father for 20 years. It wasn't until we had our 1st that he started to show some interest. At first I welcomed him; invited him and his wife to holidays and such, but now he just gets on my nerves.

They never call before coming. Even after I've told them very politely that the only family time we have is on the weekend and use this time to do errands and such so to please just give us a heads up that you would like to visit. They consider a couple hours enough notice.

Today, we had been out most of the day and had come home to do some chores. They show up @ 4:30 with their large dog. We have 4 cats and they are not used to dogs. It would have been fine if it didn't start to rain. I had to tell them to bring the dog in. It's now dinnertime and I'm not sure what to do. Do I ask them to stay even though this would require ordering out?

After a couple of hours they decide to leave. Here's the best part. The reason why they were in the area with the dog? They had to BOMB THEIR HOUSE FOR FLEAS and couldn't be home during this process. I have no idea if the dog has been treated, but I am going to me mighty pissed if we get fleas.

How do I handle these pop in visits? And am I over reacting? 

 

 

jettagurl

Your husband needs to have a chat with him.  He can let them know that due to little ones and your busy schedule, they must call before they come.  And get tough.  If they just show up, send DH out to the porch to chat for a couple minutes outside and to let them know that it isn't a good time to visit.  

After they get sent home a couple times, they'll start calling.  My accommodating them each time they pop in, it gives them the sign that you don't mean what you say.  I had to do this with MIL when I was home with DS and breastfeeding.  I'd just get all settled and the doorbell would ring. I'd ignore it, then she'd call 15 min later and ask where we were.   

goodheartedmommy

The flea thing would piss me off so bad! Either tell them bluntly, or the next few times they call, tell them that it's too short of notice and you have other plans and hope they get the hint.

Kapalua

I'm saying this from a place of I would give my left arm to be close enough to family for a visit with a couple hours notice-no one visits us!  I guess if when they called it wasn't going to work for you-tell them!  If you're cool with it, but it requires dinner plans-say that! "yep-we'll be here...do you plan on staying for dinner b/c if so we'll need to figure that out"

 I think with family stuff-people always get keyed up because no one ever says what they think even if it's totally benign stuff. 

the flea thing would piss me off, though.

marchbaby

I would go to the vets and get some advantage and treat your cats! 

meghans30

marchbaby:

I would go to the vets and get some advantage and treat your cats! 

Yay, my cats are indoor cats. We have never had fleas. If we get them I know where they came from. I think this is what pissed me off the most. 

meghans30

Kapalua:

I'm saying this from a place of I would give my left arm to be close enough to family for a visit with a couple hours notice-no one visits us!  I guess if when they called it wasn't going to work for you-tell them!  If you're cool with it, but it requires dinner plans-say that! "yep-we'll be here...do you plan on staying for dinner b/c if so we'll need to figure that out"

 I think with family stuff-people always get keyed up because no one ever says what they think even if it's totally benign stuff. 

the flea thing would piss me off, though.

Actually, today they did call, but we weren't home! They came anyway and showed up literally just as we were pulling in the driveway. I do want them to visit, I just need more than 2 hours notice. One day his dad called @ 2 pm and said, "Hey, I was thinking of stopping down sometime this afternoon." Afternoon? They live 45 minutes away, that would mean it would be dinner time by the time they got here. 

DandelionMom

Your H needs to tell them that the pop-ins need to stop and that because of the cats they need to leave their dog at home. 

Then when they show up unannounced, don't let them in. 

hopefulmom

I'd be happy with 2 hours notice.  I'd be upset if their dog has fleas...although if they are "bombing" their house they have probably already taken care of the dog.  If your cats weren't anywhere near the dogs I think you will be safe...even if their dog did still have fleas.  Maybe next time they come uninvited without notice act like you aren't home?