WWYD re: MIL visit (long)

monchichi

My MIL is coming to visit for 3.5 weeks starting next Friday.  She's coming from CA where they have a whooping cough epidemic right now.  My kids' doctor recommended that she get a dTap booster before coming since the baby is too you to have had any vaccinations yet. DH asked his mom last week if she had the shot.  Now, keep in mind that she's a retired nurse.  She was completely unaware of the health risks and told him that "it's a childrens' disease, I'm fine.  I'm not sick."  He tried to explain that it's an epidemic right now (she apparently had no idea) and she still refused to believe that she could get or carry pertussis.  EVEN after he referred her to web sites where you can read about immunity wearing off.  He put his foot down and told her that the baby could die if she had it/was contagious and that she needs to get a booster. She then told him that she doesn't have health insurance since retirement so she can't get it.  He yelled at her to go to the health department!!!!Here's my dilemma: I don't think she'll get the shot.  Or, she might lie about having a booster in the last several years.  Basically, I have no way to be sure that she won't bring something that could kill my child into my house.  To make it worse, one of the symptoms of pertussis in adults mimics a cold--she ALWAYS has a cold or allergies when she's here.  So, we won't know if she's sick or not.Maybe this isn't actually a WWYD.....it's more of a vent.  But, really, I don't know  how to handle this.  And, yes, I realize that some might think I'm overreacting.  I will gladly overreact if it could possibly save the life of my child!  WWYD?  Just practice good hygeine, ban her from the house if she has cold symptoms, not do anything and take her at her word? 

oparcm

Tell her to bring documentation or you'll leave her but at the airport.

ljlkm

The chances of her carrying pertussis to your LO is tiny. It's you're kid and you should do what makes you comfortable, but in your shoes I wouldn't worry about it. I'm in California and I'm not getting a booster. ETA: If she's traveling through an international airport, she's going to come into contact with people from other places where there are outbreaks of all kinds of things which she could pick up and carry to your LO. It's about the same risk level.

gibs

She's a nurse, and you're a nut. It's not even your first baby.

Where is this hideous whooping cough epidemic?  I'm in CA and I haven't heard about it.  News must not reach the basement.

Get over yourself.

This is your MIL - the loving grandma - who wants to come visit.  Unless you're keeping all of your kids in a bubble, you really need to chill out 

monchichi

gibs:

She's a nurse, and you're a nut. It's not even your first baby.

Where is this hideous whooping cough epidemic?  I'm in CA and I haven't heard about it.  News must not reach the basement.

Get over yourself.

This is your MIL - the loving grandma - who wants to come visit.  Unless you're keeping all of your kids in a bubble, you really need to chill out 

Gibs, there's no denying that I'm a nut (for real).  But, I'm going off the advice of my kids' pediatrician.  I would still be concerned even if this wasn't something deadly, but there's no escaping the fact that it *is* fatal for small babies.

"Whooping Cough Epidemic Rages in California" https://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20011458-10391704.html 

Glendi2.0

I personally have similar "control" issues with my MIL, and I fancy myself pretty laid-back. My beef with this situation is that she just can't respect your wishes... yeah, it may be a bit heavy-handed to ask her to get a shot, but is it any skin off her back??! Nope. She's just playing control games, imo. I've lived it and continue to live it myself.

Sorry I don't have any advice for you- just wanted to empathize. 

(and Gibs? F the "loving grandma" argument... she can still be a loving grandma and a dominating, disrespectful woman. One doesn't trump the other, imo.)

hero

I understand your concern. I just moved from CA and the there were several confirmed cases of whooping cough in the area I just moved from. You may want to see if there are confirmed cases in her area before you get really upset. If you still insist that she get the vaccination, offer to pay for her booster.

teelaman

monchichi:

gibs:

She's a nurse, and you're a nut. It's not even your first baby.

Where is this hideous whooping cough epidemic?  I'm in CA and I haven't heard about it.  News must not reach the basement.

Get over yourself.

This is your MIL - the loving grandma - who wants to come visit.  Unless you're keeping all of your kids in a bubble, you really need to chill out 

Gibs, there's no denying that I'm a nut (for real).  But, I'm going off the advice of my kids' pediatrician.  I would still be concerned even if this wasn't something deadly, but there's no escaping the fact that it *is* fatal for small babies.

"Whooping Cough Epidemic Rages in California" https://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20011458-10391704.html 

I'm afraid I'm going to have to go with "the nut" on this one. Technically there IS an epidemic. I just think epidemic makes people think of a massive, widespread, across the state, everyone has it - type of disease. It's not. It just means that significantly more people have it now that usual.

I did some reading up on it, cause I really didn't have a decent answer for you. From what I can tell - I'd go with your pedi on this. The deaths are happening to the kids too young to get vaccinated, which yours is. Are the odds in your favor? Yes, she probably doesn't have it. But her having to get a shot "just in case" is far less drastic than what could happen if she doesn't. Why on earth would you risk it? Eventually, SOMEONE wins the lottery.

jettagurl

I probably a nut, also.  She'd also need to bring some sort of proof that she had the booster.  And if she's retired, is she not old enough for Medicare?  (I know she may be a younger retired person). 

 

kkfeb04

gibs:

She's a nurse, and you're a nut. It's not even your first baby.

Where is this hideous whooping cough epidemic?  I'm in CA and I haven't heard about it.  News must not reach the basement.

Get over yourself.

This is your MIL - the loving grandma - who wants to come visit.  Unless you're keeping all of your kids in a bubble, you really need to chill out 

 

Being a nurse doesn't mean squat.  My MIL is a retired nurse too and the things she does would astound you.  I've watched her cook amd I've refused to eat her cooking, she decides to dip her finger in the food and lick her finger and does it several more times when she knows she's cooking for company.  She tried to do it while I was cooking and I told her if she did it to my cooking (in my kitchen) she was going to pull back a bloody stump. 

OCNewlywed

I think your MIL is being a jerk. Last I read, whooping cough cases in CA were on track to outpace a 50 year high - huge number of cases this year. I got a shot and it was $75 without insurance. It's also available from the county for cheap, if not free.  It would be a really easy thing for her to do to ease your mind and show she cares. There was a really sad story in the LA Times not to long ago - where the baby caught it from the mom and died. Send her that article and tell her she's a jerk!

hero

hero:

I understand your concern. I just moved from CA and the there were several confirmed cases of whooping cough in the area I just moved from. You may want to see if there are confirmed cases in her area before you get really upset. If you still insist that she get the vaccination, offer to pay for her booster.

hopefulmom

If she is 65 then chances are she has Medicare which will pay for the shot.  If she is not 65 and just retired and worked in a hospital (or a doctors office that affiliated with a hospital) she should be up-to-date.  If neither of these...then she needs to get the booster (cheaper to go to the county health department) and if she doesn't have the $ then offer to pay for it.  It is not that she HAS it...you just want to protect her from getting it and giving it to the baby.