Just found out my cousins are going through IF treatments :(

Mrs.Johns

I feel so sad for them. They told my aunt in confidence, who then told my grandmother, who told my mom, who told me.

My mom told me because I had suspected it when we announced our prengnacy. Nobody knows what we went through except my parents who have kept our secret. I can't even imagine being betrayed by my parents nevermind having everyone all talking about it behind my back. So sad.

The worst part was that my other aunt shoved our u/s pic in their face on Mother's day. I kind of had a feeling about it beforehand but knew for sure when I saw my cousin's face that they were struggling with IF and my heart ached for her. We aren't close enough where I could ever bring her aside or whatever and I'm not even supposed to know. I just hate finding out new people who are going through the struggle. It makes me so sad.

Omega20

I completely understand.  We have been very close-lipped about our IF and have only told 4 people about the IVFs.  It's hard to learn of other people struggling because you want to squeeze them and tell them everything will be ok (even knowing that sometimes it's not).

I have a close friend struggling to get pregnant now.  All she knows is that it took us over a year to conceive (DH went around telling EVERYONE when we started trying because we were so sure I'd get KU on the first try.  Ha!).  She's talking about seeing an RE and all the testing and I just want to pour out my truckloads of IF information, but I feel like I have to keep this secret or it will spread like wildfire.

Mrs.Johns

Omega20:

I completely understand.  We have been very close-lipped about our IF and have only told 4 people about the IVFs.  It's hard to learn of other people struggling because you want to squeeze them and tell them everything will be ok (even knowing that sometimes it's not).

I have a close friend struggling to get pregnant now.  All she knows is that it took us over a year to conceive (DH went around telling EVERYONE when we started trying because we were so sure I'd get KU on the first try.  Ha!).  She's talking about seeing an RE and all the testing and I just want to pour out my truckloads of IF information, but I feel like I have to keep this secret or it will spread like wildfire.

Same here. I can't trust them to keep it to themselves so I can never tell. I just wish I could do something to help out. What I can do is let it stop at me and obviously, I'll do that. I also told my mom that I am unimpressed that people are talking about it so I hope she says something to them.

I do just want to give them a big fat hug. Like now.

Omega20

I guess just think of it this way...you figured it out all on your own and made it through, and so will she. 

Maybe she'll find the bump.   I would have felt like I was going into everything completely blindly and alone if it weren't for the incredible ladies on the IF and TTTC boards.

Mrs.Johns

Omega20:

I guess just think of it this way...you figured it out all on your own and made it through, and so will she. 

Maybe she'll find the bump.   I would have felt like I was going into everything completely blindly and alone if it weren't for the incredible ladies on the IF and TTTC boards.

I know. They are both very accomplished neonatal doctors so I'm sure they are pretty well figured out-- they were even wondering how I got so many ultrasounds! lol!

I would have been so lost too. All of you ladies were really my savior, to be honest!

Omega20

While we're talking about IF secrets.  Do you find yourself lying alot about things? 

People always seem to ask me when I found out it was twins.  At first I told the truth...6 weeks.  I noticed that people had shocked reactions, like how in the world did I get an u/s at only 6 weeks along?  So now I say I was 9 weeks when we found out.  And then when people hear it's twins they will ask if I had fertility treatments.  This is so f'ing rude and no one's business, but I get all nervous, try and hold and straight face, and just lie and say "no".

I am not ashamed that we are IF.  We do live in a small town though and if people found out there would be gossip about what's "wrong" with us.  Even if I was open about the IVFs, I feel like I could never be honest about the reason since it's MFI.  And nosey people would definitely ask.  I'd never want DH to have to feel embarrassed...he shouldn't be.

Mrs.Johns

Omega20:

While we're talking about IF secrets.  Do you find yourself lying alot about things? 

People always seem to ask me when I found out it was twins.  At first I told the truth...6 weeks.  I noticed that people had shocked reactions, like how in the world did I get an u/s at only 6 weeks along?  So now I say I was 9 weeks when we found out.  And then when people hear it's twins they will ask if I had fertility treatments.  This is so f'ing rude and no one's business, but I get all nervous, try and hold and straight face, and just lie and say "no".

I am not ashamed that we are IF.  We do live in a small town though and if people found out there would be gossip about what's "wrong" with us.  Even if I was open about the IVFs, I feel like I could never be honest about the reason since it's MFI.  And nosey people would definitely ask.  I'd never want DH to have to feel embarrassed...he shouldn't be.

I don't, but I think it would be a lot harder if we were having twins. You could just say that's what your OB does or that you were spotting or something. I hate that people are so effing nosy.

When we first announced, I felt a little weird not telling the whole story when people would be like "it's about time" or whatever. Now it's not so bad.

I agree, I'm not ashamed either, but it's still nobody's business.

RileyGrace

That sucks.  I hate that their parents didn't keep their mouth shut.  I hope it goes well for them.

 

Dragonfly1226

That's so tough. Especially knowing how she must have been feeling at the time. I wonder if she wouldn't be happy to have you to talk to, even if you're not really supposed to know. You could play dumb and say that you noticed her reaction to your announcement which made you wonder if she was going through the same thing you had... but then you would have to come out to her.

Mrs.Johns

RileyGrace:

That sucks.  I hate that their parents didn't keep their mouth shut.  I hope it goes well for them.

 

I know. I can't even believe his mom blabbed. I'd be so pissed.

Mrs.Johns

Dragonfly1226:

That's so tough. Especially knowing how she must have been feeling at the time. I wonder if she wouldn't be happy to have you to talk to, even if you're not really supposed to know. You could play dumb and say that you noticed her reaction to your announcement which made you wonder if she was going through the same thing you had... but then you would have to come out to her.

I know. I was so mad when my aunt shoved that pic in their faces because I was deliberately not doing that. Honestly, I am not even remotely close to them. Not even a little. I'm sure they would be very uncomfortable plus I can't trust that they'd keep my secret and I don't need that. My family is a bunch of big mouths! Plus, I am related to the husband and I know that they are very very private.

I'm still so sad for them, though.

dtwmco

Mrs.Johns:

Omega20:

While we're talking about IF secrets.  Do you find yourself lying alot about things? 

People always seem to ask me when I found out it was twins.  At first I told the truth...6 weeks.  I noticed that people had shocked reactions, like how in the world did I get an u/s at only 6 weeks along?  So now I say I was 9 weeks when we found out.  And then when people hear it's twins they will ask if I had fertility treatments.  This is so f'ing rude and no one's business, but I get all nervous, try and hold and straight face, and just lie and say "no".

I am not ashamed that we are IF.  We do live in a small town though and if people found out there would be gossip about what's "wrong" with us.  Even if I was open about the IVFs, I feel like I could never be honest about the reason since it's MFI.  And nosey people would definitely ask.  I'd never want DH to have to feel embarrassed...he shouldn't be.

I don't, but I think it would be a lot harder if we were having twins. You could just say that's what your OB does or that you were spotting or something. I hate that people are so effing nosy.

When we first announced, I felt a little weird not telling the whole story when people would be like "it's about time" or whatever. Now it's not so bad.

I agree, I'm not ashamed either, but it's still nobody's business.

All of this.  Maybe two or three know about our struggles, one or two about the IVF.  And ditto about the MFI, even though my ovulation was a bit "off," too (back on track w/ clomid, tho).

Anyway, I feel that if I didn't have twins then people wouldn't be so nosey.  But like pp suggested, I do say that we had an early u/s due to spotting...  Which isn't entirely not true, because I did have early spotting...

hispenguin

I understand what you're going through. Only our parents, and very closest friends knew we were dealing with IF. My mother found out from some extended family that a cousin of mine is dealing with IF (MFI from what I've heard, but could be wrong). We're not really close, so I'm so nervous when the time comes for our big announcement to family that we're pg.

I'm thinking of telling her separately, but am struggling with how I will do it since I heard the news second hand. I hate that news like that travels so quickly through families. I wish I could reach out to her and show my support, but I don't know if it's suppose to be common knowledge, and I don't want her to feel sad b/c I'm pg.