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Working Moms
Need a little advice...long
I never imagined that I would be writing or even thinking abou this. For about the past 2 months I have just felt horrible. I'm the type to talk about and deal with my feelings. Lately I have felt so overwhelmed and like I either want to scream or cry. Whether it is about bills, my new job, time spent away from my daughter and my husband, housework, etc. My question is, how do you know if youre depressed? I keep telling myself that I am perfectly fine and tons of women and new moms go through this. That I don't need to see a doctor and I should just get over it. I talk about EVERTHING with my husband but this subject just makes me uncomfortable. My mother suffers from severe depression and I just don't want to be like that. I find myself getting frustrated with my daughter after I get home from work at 5 because I have to cook supper, feed her and get her ready for bed, while guilty at the same time for only seeing her 3 hours a day. If you have any thoughts, advice, or know how to deal with this..I'll take anything I can get. I want my last resort to be antidepressants. Thanks for the help!
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Re: Need a little advice...long
I think everyone has their ups and downs but since you describe feeling like this for 2 months I think you need to find a professional to talk to. It is wonderful that you have a supportive husband that you can communicate with but it sounds like you need something beyond that. You will be doing the best thing for your family by taking care of yourself. Please don't forget that!
I think the first year after giving birth there are a lot of crazy hormones and thoughts going on so first off, you have to understand that part of it is probably hormones but then also how to deal with your stress. Having a child on top of all the other things of life like work, home life, etc. is a lot!! You're not a bad mom and wife if you seek help. I would view it as something that you need to get through this time in your life and help your life improve.
I would say, that if you're having thoughts of sadness on a daily basis that you need to seek help. As much as your DH is a support system, unfortunately, it gets draining on the spouse. Especially considering men want to be the 'fixers' of the relationship and they won't know how to fix this.
Depression can run in families, just like any other illness. That is all it is, an illness. You owe it to yourself and your child not to delay getting evaluated at the very least.
Untreated depression has as many risks and you could say, side effects as taking medication. Including poor functioning, poor focus and concentration, irritability and difficulty bonding with your child.
It's not your fault.
I can't say I know how you feel about the pressures of motherhood since I'm still expecting my first, but I can say that I know how you feel about the fear of a depression diagnosis.
My mom suffers from clinical depression and panic attacks that are treated with medication, and I've spent a lot of my adult life worried about a similar diagnosis in my future. I, like you, rely a lot on being able to talk things out with my husband and supportive friends, and it helps A LOT. (It's also something my mom has never been able to do.)
That said, I have sought out counseling from time to time to deal with specific issues that overwhelm me. And, no matter how irrational it is, I have a fear in the back of my mind that they are going to suggest medication. Even though I know that my mom's medication allows her to lead a much more productive life, it's a path that I really want to avoid if possible. When I've talked to professionals about this, they tell me that as long as I find coping mechanisms that work for me, I do not need medication. Sometimes having a counselor to talk to helps me jump start those coping mechanisms, and I don't think you need to fear that route.
Depression is very prevelant in my family as well. It is imporntant to remember, and you probably already know this, depression is an illness and is important to have professional help. What is worse than depression is having depression and not seeking treatment. Two months is a long time to feel this way, and talking to a professional you will know what you are dealing with. It may turn out you don't have depression but better to know for sure. Knowing what you are dealing with and having a clear path forward could even be a step in feeling better.
(And speaking from experience it is not fair to your child to raised by a parent who suffers from depression and is not being treated).
Meo
Depression and anxiety run in my family, and it took me a long time to realize, like Spenjamins said, that it was not my fault and that it is an illness. But DD's birth triggered a long period of anxiety in me, one that took almost 2 years to come to term with. I thought the same as you--that all mom's deal with this, and that I just needed to get over my feelings.
What got me to the MD was DH pointing out that it had started to interfere with my life and was spreading over into his life, and affecting his job (at my worst, I was begging him to call off work b/c I was so worried that he would be driving on a snowy day with DD in the car and something could happen). That was the lightbulb moment for me--and I reached out for help. I had a very compassionate family doctor, who worked with me and a therapist to help me through it. Medication was helpful to me, along with the therapy, and both ended up being short term.
I remember saying to my therapist "I don't want to be this way. I don't want Mia to grow up with a mom like this. I really don't want Mia to pick up on my anxiety and follow the same path. I want to stop the cycle." And she pretty much told me that recognizing this was the first step, and that I had a great chance of getting better. It helped tremendously.