How do you see your child?

lms_bride

(side note... GRRR, I wrote out a beautiful little post here and then the bump went down for maintenance and its lost.  Starting again!!)

Ok, so do you have a clear picture of your child's personality?  Are you easily able to characterize their personality?  ie, Tommy is bright, rambunctious, head strong, stubborn, sweet, etc etc.  I am asking because it seems like a lot of people like to hear what kind of child you have on your hands.  They ask questions or make observations about the child's behavior and/or personality.  But personally, I find it difficult to succinctly define my son's personality as A, B, or C.  He is only two and frankly I think he is just a standard 2-year old.  Sometimes he is willful or defiant, but that is pretty normal for this age.  He can also be sweet, bubbly, curious, energetic, etc etc.  But I do not extrapolate these behaviors into overarching personality observations.  Do you know what I mean? (I feel like Susan Mosley on this one - ha ha)  I figure that in 5 or 10 years, yes I'll be able to say Tyler is x or y or has this type of personality and demeanor.  But right now... for me it is hard to define or pinpoint.  And also, it seems like to some extent these labels are relative to other people and since we don't have other children his age and I am not consistently observing other 2 year olds, its hard to say what kind of personality he has.  Does this sound crazy?  

Another example - my MIL says a month or so ago when Tyler was being stubborn about something minor... "he doesn't like hearing no".  Well no s*%# MIL, who does?  

So with that, can you easily say my child is "this" type of personality or person or do you just sort of go with the flow and don't try to define it?  

HarrietNJMommy

Yes, I can define my kids by a "type" of personality. Maybe it's because I have 3 of them, and they are ALL different. They have "bleeding" traits, but even at 18 months, you can tell that DS is VERY laid back and different than the girls......

I don't like to characterize them completely, but it really helps to know your child's personality so that you can "parent" them in a specific way. I can't parent the same to all 3 kids. It isn't always effective. KWIM?

MrsGeek

Yes, from the day they were born.

sparky88

Yes, and I always try to be mindful that the way I see her *through my eyes* will be different from others because I am with her 24/7 and see all her ups/downs/phases.

 I do see her around lots of other kids on regular basis.  I try to remember that I am only seeing 'chunks' of their personalities here and there, but there are absolutely ways that my DD differs from others.

My DD is extremely thorough.  She is intensely curious and focused (others call this 'serious').  She feels empathy in a big way, and has since she was an infant (regardless of what 'textbooks' say). 

 Gotta run, but in a nutshell, YES!

twh2006

Lennon is extremely headstrong, my little fighter. He's also very curious and loveable.

ali-1411

I know exactly what you mean.  DD can really seem like a little tomboy, she's a very rough-and-tumble little girl.  But I wonder...is she really?  Or is she just a typical toddler? 

I can definitely notice differences between my kids.  DD is more assertive with other kids, where DS was very laid-back and almost timid at this age.  DS loved to climb as a toddler but DD can barely get herself up on a chair

Its hard to describe a personality.  I think its much easier to do as a comparison. 

MainelyFoolish

Some traits I see in DD I think are part of her personality and some parts I think are attributable to being a 2 year old.  I guess I won't know for sure which is which until she gets older. 

I would say DD is quite adaptable to change and I think that's her personality.  A recent example: her little bunny head blanket lovey was looking really awful but she uses it to sleep and nap and sometimes carries it around the house.  I couldn't find a time to get it away from her long enough to wash it.  So when I saw a similar but not identical bunny lovey in the store a few days ago, I decided to take a chance and I bought it.  DD immediately accepted the new bunny. 

DD is also very headstrong and I think at least part of that is because she's a two year old and she doesn't understand deferred gratification.  I mean, don't all two year olds whine and throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way? 

gatogrrl

I see some of my childhood traits in her, as well as things she does that remind me of DH.  I can also observe her with a few children that she sees fairly regularly, and with the children she takes classes with.  Some kids have amazingly extroverted personalities, some are quite tense and sensitive even at this age.  There's one boy in her Gymboree class who dominates all the other kids.  He's a nice boy, he just acts quickly and grabs what he wants.  DD is the exact opposite, you can see the wheels turning, but she'll always think before she acts.  She's also very "whatever" about what other kids do.  During the games, a lot of kids will imitate the "leader" kids, and while she's not a leader, she's definitely not a follower. She's also not terribly eager to please anyone but herself -- a chip off the old block, for better or for worse.

I'm trying not to pigeonhole her just yet, but her little personality is definitely emerging.

EnglishMajor03

Though I could probably come up with some ways to explain her, I'd like to hear how *she* considers herself instead. 

I think if kids are always hearing they are x,y and z then sometimes they will internalize those things.  And if we're pointing out x,y and z but they really prefer to be like a, b and c then they might struggle with who we want them to be versus who they want to be.  KWIM?

lms_bride

EnglishMajor03:

Though I could probably come up with some ways to explain her, I'd like to hear how *she* considers herself instead. 

I think if kids are always hearing they are x,y and z then sometimes they will internalize those things.  And if we're pointing out x,y and z but they really prefer to be like a, b and c then they might struggle with who we want them to be versus who they want to be.  KWIM?

Yes I totally agree.  In a roundabout way, I think I was trying to say this too.  I think I am making an attempt to NOT define him but from the responses here I may be in the minority on that... or maybe I am just not very observant.  Or maybe I have some hangup about "labels".  Who knows... it's interesting to hear others' perspective on this.  

sparky88

I don't think anyone here is 'labeling' their kids and telling their kids they are XYZ...of course we all want our kids to discover and define themselves on their own terms.  But as parents, we can make observations and tuck them away in our minds-- and still be open & encouraging of change as they grow and develop. 

susanmosley

lms_bride:

EnglishMajor03:

Though I could probably come up with some ways to explain her, I'd like to hear how *she* considers herself instead. 

I think if kids are always hearing they are x,y and z then sometimes they will internalize those things.  And if we're pointing out x,y and z but they really prefer to be like a, b and c then they might struggle with who we want them to be versus who they want to be.  KWIM?

Yes I totally agree.  In a roundabout way, I think I was trying to say this too.  I think I am making an attempt to NOT define him but from the responses here I may be in the minority on that... or maybe I am just not very observant.  Or maybe I have some hangup about "labels".  Who knows... it's interesting to hear others' perspective on this.  

Personality traits, characteristics, dispositions, etc are all very interesting to me.  Hence no reply from me on this topic - no one needs to hear my rambling thoughts with frequent "does that make sense?" check ins as a attempt to put my opinions (that I don't full have sorted out) in writing.  Does that make sense?

Temp174496125006552

Ben has a very defined personality and has for quite some time.  He is extremely outgoing, funny, smart, energetic, curious, and our little attention getter.  He's also a little lovebug and adores hugging and kissing those that he loves (and getting them as well).  But he also has a very headstrong/stubborn side to him that he, unfortunately, gets from me.  But he also can be very laid back about things, which he gets from DH.  I think it depends on what the situation is, what kind of mood he's in and how he slept the night before (which correlates to the mood).

Jordan's personality has changed over time.  When she was Ben's age, she was a very loveable, quiet, smart, independent child who preferred to often play and keep to herself.  As she's gotten older, she has definitely become more social, but the one thing that has remained all these years is that when she believes in something, she really does so with passion and stands up for what she believes in.  It's one of the things I admire most and am most proud of about her.

lms_bride

susanmosley:

lms_bride:

EnglishMajor03:

Though I could probably come up with some ways to explain her, I'd like to hear how *she* considers herself instead. 

I think if kids are always hearing they are x,y and z then sometimes they will internalize those things.  And if we're pointing out x,y and z but they really prefer to be like a, b and c then they might struggle with who we want them to be versus who they want to be.  KWIM?

Yes I totally agree.  In a roundabout way, I think I was trying to say this too.  I think I am making an attempt to NOT define him but from the responses here I may be in the minority on that... or maybe I am just not very observant.  Or maybe I have some hangup about "labels".  Who knows... it's interesting to hear others' perspective on this.  

Personality traits, characteristics, dispositions, etc are all very interesting to me.  Hence no reply from me on this topic - no one needs to hear my rambling thoughts with frequent "does that make sense?" check ins as a attempt to put my opinions (that I don't full have sorted out) in writing.  Does that make sense?

Yeah I get it!  And sorry, didn't mean to offend anyone with the term "labels".  I just meant that it appears some people are better at identifying specific traits and characteristics than I am!  

I like reading about what people have observed in their own children, it gives me food for thought.

axr8111

I absolutely feel like my 2 year old has a personality because it is very unique from the typical 2 year olds we are around or have been around in the past. 

He is extremely outgoing. This is not always common at this age and so it's very obvious to me. He always says hello to everyone we see out and about and not just hello but wants to try to get them to really look at him. I mean, he looks at them in the eyes before he smiles. I can't explain it but it seems uncommon to me. 

He is musical. This one could be typical 2 year old stuff, but he has a little guitar that he doesn't just play all the time but he sits by himself and actually picks each string trying to find a different sounds. Keep in mind it is a cheap toy guitar but he really tries hard to make it sound good.

He is also aggressive. I don't mean this is a bad way, but he wants to be hands on with everything, hard. Not mean, just heavy handed with kicking a soccer ball, swinging a bat, wrestling etc. That could be typical 2 year old but when you see his face, he really looks like he's putting every ounce of energy into making it hard.

Now with number 2, already I feel a difference even as a baby. He seems way more mellow than my first ever was. It's still early so thing can change but they are opposites so far.  

mandymack

ali-1411:

I know exactly what you mean.  DD can really seem like a little tomboy, she's a very rough-and-tumble little girl.  But I wonder...is she really?  Or is she just a typical toddler? 

I can definitely notice differences between my kids.  DD is more assertive with other kids, where DS was very laid-back and almost timid at this age.  DS loved to climb as a toddler but DD can barely get herself up on a chair

Its hard to describe a personality.  I think its much easier to do as a comparison. 

I love this post, by the way! 

And I agree with Mrs. Texas here that I tend to see Emily's personality more clearly when compared against other children her age and I, too often wonder; "Is this just because she's almost 4 years old or is this who she is?!?!?" and I'm truly excited to find out!

I would describe Emily as very empathetic and concerned with others' well-being; easily excited with a zest for everything in life; and a people-pleaser.  These things I see daily and in every situation, which is why I chose them.  Others see these things in her as well so, I feel this is part of whom she truly is.

When in a group with other almost 4 year olds, she is just like them at times: aggressive, hyper, impatient, stubborn, whiney when she doesn't get her way, etc. so, I'm not so confident in these other traits when characterizing Emily.

Totally get what you are saying and something my Pediatrician told us was that our kids will be who they are by age 6.  So interesting...

MrsRebecca

People are always trying to label my son and it annoys me. His doctor refers to him as a "high needs child" and it drives me bonkers.

If we call him high needs, then that's all he'll ever be. I think kids can tend to live up to their labels if the adults around them let them. 

He is definitely starting to show a personality, but I'm just still trying to figure him out!

wifeandmama

We can definitely define our son's personality and have been able to for some time... especially since he started talking awhile back.  He's empathetic, caring, SO funny, a bit bossy, outgoing, so smart, and sooo overly-aware of his surroundings.  I feel like we can't do or say anything without it being repeated to someone at some point, lol!  I feel like it's easy to see what he "is" vs. what a normal toddler his age is when we're around others and I see the differences.  

babypuplove

I completely understand where you're coming from.  If I categorize DD as being a certain way, or displaying a certain characteristic, it seems like she changes the next day.  But I can say, without hesitation, that DD is very gentle, loving, imaginative, perceptive, and laid-back.  I agree with others, though, that these may just be typical toddler personality traits, but to me, they define who she is.  :-)