I should have been here sooner

RandiDeeAnn

I know this is what is going on with me. It has to be. I almost started crying when a friend posted that her sister was in labor. My first thought was, "I'll bet she gets to have it." And I wanted to cry. I had toxemia and a c/s, two things I was worried about my entire pregnancy and they happened. Then I didn't connect with Jana (even thought she was ugly when she was first out). It took me a really long time to connect with her. She refused to breastfeed, and I was completely broken over that. We finally got that going, but now I almost want to quit! Then she cried all the time and is now so attached to me that I can't get anything done. I think I've decided not to have any more children when I wanted three! I know they say that the next one might not act this way, but I can't take a chance on "might." Anyway I just get so jealous of people who have vaginal births and those who have easy babies and those who adore being a mother.  We cannot afford to send me to a doctor over this. I knew very early on that I was experiencing PPD, but couldn't even talk to my own mIother about it because I knew she would just blow it off.

I love my daughter, but I just need to be better.

jaime5121

You need to see a doctor period.

McErin24

I am just wondering, did you have a c-section? I did with my youngest and the PPD was BAD! While I do agree that seeing a doctor is a fantastic idea, you could really just use someone to talk with. Try and remember that all mom's are different and I guarantee no mom is supermom... though my kids did get a home-cooked meal tonight AND clean pajamas lol.

RandiDeeAnn

McErin24:

I am just wondering, did you have a c-section? I did with my youngest and the PPD was BAD! While I do agree that seeing a doctor is a fantastic idea, you could really just use someone to talk with. Try and remember that all mom's are different and I guarantee no mom is supermom... though my kids did get a home-cooked meal tonight AND clean pajamas lol.

After going to the doctor today, we (the doctor and I) realized I got a c/s because of a lazy hospital. Which upsets me, but also gives me peace that it really wasn't my fault. I was induced at 36w5d because of toxemia. I was not even dialated a full 1. The first bit of pitocin did fine, but on the second dose, LO's heart rate dropped. They stabalized us and backed off for a while. Then they tried a half dose and all was good. It was so late in the day by that point they decided to stop and start again the next morning. I also had the option of having a c/s right then. Well imagine a repeat the next day only ending with the c/s. I knew they should have only given the half dose. I truly believe we might have gotten somewhere. Plus they did not do cath.

So the plan for therapy is low dose meds and a support group. I felt better after the visit just knowing we were going somewhere and being able to direct some anger where it should be.