Clicky poll: SAHDs?

AvaLikeLava

If you have a boy, how do you feel about the prospect of him deciding he wants to be a stay-at-home-dad?

I got a glimpse of that last night (details in blog if you feel like reading a story), and I'll be honest, I feel weird about it. Mostly because I expect my children to be in dual-income households. I would be proud if they made a choice for it to be him, mostly because I don't see enough dads making that choice for themselves. Still weirded me out though.

So... how would you feel about it?

 

[Poll]

desabean

I voted he should go for it.  When I first went back to work, DH had 4 weeks paternity leave and we both agreed then that if there was anyway I could ever make enough that he would be a sahd.  Of course, we knew that would never happen.....even if I got a job where I covered both of our salaries, somehow there is always another expense that we would justify needing an extra income for. 

I think it takes a very evolved Dad and relationship to handle being a sahd, and I would certainly hope that my children would be in the kind of relationship where they would come to decisions that were in the best interest of their family all the way around and not what social expectations dictated for them.  I am sure that MANY of the decisions the next generation makes will be different than what feels comfortable to ours and philosophically, I'm ok with that.  Would it feel weird?  maybe, but as long as it is comfortable for them, I'll get over it.  

jastl32

I think every couple needs to make the right decision for them. If you can afford it, I say go for it as long as the person staying at home is happy and feels good about it. DH always makes comments about becoming a SAHD especially because after looking at the daycare in town, he doesn't like the idea of someone else taking care of our child. But, we both know he wouldn't be happy/satisfied doing that and that working is important to him. 

I have a friend who makes significantly more money than her husband. It made sense for him to be a SAHD because of the cost of daycare vs. what he was making...and it works for them.

I really don't see a difference between a SAHD vs a SAHM (in today's society).  

AvaLikeLava

You know, desabean, you bring up a good point. 20 years from now, I have no idea what societal norms/expectations will be. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep up with the times.

kittylove

I have open and the closed this post more times than I care to admit. To be honest it bothers me to think that something like this bothers you, mostly because I feel like you and S have one of the most equal partner relationships I know. And so it makes me sad that you would feel disapointed/weird if a child chose to be a SAHparent. I think it is a wonderful blessing to be able to have a SAHP when one parent wants to do so. "Mostly because I expect my children to be in dual-income households." This part reads to me that you value the contribution of a working parent more than that of a SAHP.  And that the reason it would be okay for G or S2 to be a SAHD is because it goes against the grain of normal gender roles. "I would be proud if they made a choice for it to be him, mostly because I don't see enough dads making that choice for themselves."

As for DS beign a SAHP if that is what worked for his family I would be supportive of it just as I would for a daughter.

AvaLikeLava

kittylove:

I have open and the closed this post more times than I care to admit. To be honest it bothers me to think that something like this bothers you, mostly because I feel like you and S have one of the most equal partner relationships I know. And so it makes me sad that you would feel disapointed/weird if a child chose to be a SAHparent. I think it is a wonderful blessing to be able to have a SAHP when one parent wants to do so. "Mostly because I expect my children to be in dual-income households." This part reads to me that you value the contribution of a working parent more than that of a SAHP.  And that the reason it would be okay for G or S2 to be a SAHD is because it goes against the grain of normal gender roles. "I would be proud if they made a choice for it to be him, mostly because I don't see enough dads making that choice for themselves."

As for DS beign a SAHP if that is what worked for his family I would be supportive of it just as I would for a daughter.

Kittylove, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Please note also that I said that I would be proud if my child made this choice for themselves.

I would feel weird if I had a girl OR a boy make this choice. The only reason I addressed SAHDs in this post is because I still more often than not see girl-friends stay home vs. guy friends, and I wonder why that is? I wanted to know as a parent of boys, how our views would reflect this decision and if today.

I do not value the contribution of SAHP any less than working parents. As a matter of fact I acknowledge that their job is VERY difficult. SAHP don't get "sick days". They often have the responsibility of child-care as well as home and partner care, which on their own can be full-time jobs. People around them assume they can take on more because they don't truly understand everything that goes into the day of a SAHP. They don't get breaks. I truly value the contribution of SAHPs. Please don't think otherwise.

kittylove

AvaLikeLava:

kittylove:

I have open and the closed this post more times than I care to admit. To be honest it bothers me to think that something like this bothers you, mostly because I feel like you and S have one of the most equal partner relationships I know. And so it makes me sad that you would feel disapointed/weird if a child chose to be a SAHparent. I think it is a wonderful blessing to be able to have a SAHP when one parent wants to do so. "Mostly because I expect my children to be in dual-income households." This part reads to me that you value the contribution of a working parent more than that of a SAHP.  And that the reason it would be okay for G or S2 to be a SAHD is because it goes against the grain of normal gender roles. "I would be proud if they made a choice for it to be him, mostly because I don't see enough dads making that choice for themselves."

As for DS beign a SAHP if that is what worked for his family I would be supportive of it just as I would for a daughter.

Kittylove, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. Please note also that I said that I would be proud if my child made this choice for themselves.

I would feel weird if I had a girl OR a boy make this choice. The only reason I addressed SAHDs in this post is because I still more often than not see girl-friends stay home vs. guy friends, and I wonder why that is? I wanted to know as a parent of boys, how our views would reflect this decision and if today.

I do not value the contribution of SAHP any less than working parents. As a matter of fact I acknowledge that their job is VERY difficult. SAHP don't get "sick days". They often have the responsibility of child-care as well as home and partner care, which on their own can be full-time jobs. People around them assume they can take on more because they don't truly understand everything that goes into the day of a SAHP. They don't get breaks. I truly value the contribution of SAHPs. Please don't think otherwise.

Ava, I know you value SAHP which is why I said "this part reads to me..." rather than attacking you for not valuing SAHP. I wanted you to understand how I read the post and that it made me feel very defensive. I don't quite understand why watching G play house would bother you or why you would feel wierd (despite also feeling proud) if he chose to be a SAHD. He was clearly just acting out some of the things he sees you and S do.

Germanwife2b

DH was a SAHD for 15 months!  My brother has just started being a SAHD while my SIL works FT and he works PT at nights.  My dad was a SAHD for about a year or two after my sister was born.  I see nothing wrong with it in the slightest (even though my experiences have been transient ones).  You do what works best for your family at the time and I personally value one parent being home most of the time...and I don't care which one as both have equal importance to a child.

sweetpea18

Considering dh will probably stay home with the babes after the second one is born, I have no issue with any of my children wanthing to stay at home.