any advice on the loss of a pet?

sdaisies

DS is 3, a very perceptive 3 year old! Our family dog is 9 and has had a tumor removed several months ago, but the cancer is back. We have a few possible options, but the cancer is aggressive and even if we choose to operate again it may keep coming back. Its to the point where we have to think of the quality of life for our pup. Our dog came home with us from the vet yesterday and where the tumor is growing, DS calls his boo boo. They will call us next week with definitive test results, but there is a large chance he will be put to sleep. Its heart breaking for DH and I, but my heart breaks even more for DS who is so attached to our lab, they are together all the time.

We have not yet told him anything aside from the dog has a boo boo. How do you explain death to a child this young without scaring them? IF we have to take him to be put to sleep do we tell DS beforehand and let him say goodbye or explain afterwards? DH and I just have no idea what would be best, any suggestions are appreciated as well as prayers for our pup so that it does not have to come to this. Thanks!

Andrewsgal

Sorry you are going through this.

Our dog ran away when DD was about 3. Most animals that run away in our neighborhood are eaten by cyotees so we assume this is what happened to our dog. We were honest with DD. We are always honest with her, we really have no choice. DD is always on top of everything everyone says and hears every word. We told her Hunter ran away and died. We are religious so went that route and told her now he is living with Jesus. DH's grandfather passed away and we are once again dealing with questions about death, and there are a lot of them, and I feel like I am over my head sometimes. I just try to be honest with her and tell her what is going on, she would know in a heartbeat if we lied to her and it would just make things worst. Good luck! 

~appletini~

I'm very sorry you are going through this, we just had to put our dog down in March and it's very very heartbreaking.

We were upfront with DS, who was two months shy of four. We sort of had to be because he was having seizures so he knew something was bad.  When we took him back to the vet for what we assumed would be the last time, we told DS to hug him as he might not see him again because he was very sick.

 When we came home, he was playing video games (my mom was with him) and I asked him to turn them off and explained that our dog was very sick and that he had gone to heaven. He acted like he didn't care and was more interested in getting back to his game.

I think he was trying to pretend he didn't care, but later that night it totally hit him that he wasn't going to see the dog again and had a meltdown.  He has dealt well with it though overall, though, and I think it was because we were honest with him.  He knew from the start what had happened and though we were all devastated, we were able to talk about our dog and still do.  He cries sometimes still, he adored our dog, but he knows he's in heaven with God and that he is happy.  He is asking for a new dog though, so that may be happening soon.

Good luck and I'm very sorry.

shiloh17

So sorry! We too went thru this in memorial day wkd. Our dog was 16 w a brain tumor. Its heartbreaking! We waited til our kids (2&3.5yrs) noticed that she wasnt there. We put her down after they were on bed. It took about a day for them to notice she wasnt there--thankfully, bc i was a mess and didnt want them to see me lose it. When my 3.5 yr old asked where she was, we explained that she was very old and got sick. We told him that she went to be with Jesus and Reilly (our cat that died) up in heaven. We told him that and he didnt seem to question it. He did ask for the dog over the next few days and still asks when we go to church, if we can see her. It worked for us. Hope this helps!

rainbowfamily

We dealt with this this past spring and found that honesty worked best with our son but he's a little older.  We explained to him that the dog was very sick and would be going to heaven and when she got there she would feel all better.  He had been going to all of her doctor appointments with us and had seen the effects of the cancer on her, so he understood that she wasn't doing well.  He wanted to know when he could go to heaven and play with her and we explained as best we could and emphasized that we hoped he'd be very, very old when he goes to play with her and he accepted that but said that he wants to become a little boy again when he gets there.

 When it came time to have her put to sleep we let him decide whether or not he wanted to be there and he chose to go with my husband.  It was hard and he still talks about how much he loves her and misses her and all of the fun games they'll play when he gets to heaven, but all in all he took it very well.  He is not afraid of death after it and that was one of my biggest worries because he does have such an active imagination and seems to get nervous about little things.  I think that being able to be with the dog and see that she really did just look like she was sleeping helped him.

carrottopshaw

The book DOG HEAVEN is such a great picture book to help kids understand the loss of a pet and to gain some comfort. I have a copy in my classroom to lend out to parents that lose a pet. The kids get to pick a cloud in the book and write their favorite memory of their dog. The book is full of great memories of wonderful pets, plus when my students see that many others have lost their best friends, it makes them feel better. I highly recommend this picture book to anyone who has lost a pet.

hskrmommy

We had to put our dog down about a month ago.  DS is a bit over 4, and we told him that she was REALLY sick (I wanted him to understand that it's really sick, not like a cold that he gets, etc. so he doesn't think this would happen to him when he get sick) -- he could tell she wasn't herself, she was quiet, lethargic, etc. (which was TOTALLY unlike her) -- and that we can't care for her enough to get her better.  We said we were taking her to the vet (we didn't say doctor, because again, we didn't want him to be scared of his doctor) where she could be taken care of.  When he asked when she'd come back, we said that we wouldn't be able to have her back, that she'd be looking down on us from heaven.  We wanted him to be able to say good bye -- so we told him all of this before hand.

I'm sorry you're going through this -- it's a hard thing!!!