- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Success after IF
beebe929
member
I totally suck at this Mom of 2 thing
beebe929
member
I have no confidence in myself to do this alone. Lilah is in daycare 3 days a week and this was the first day I was going to be alone with both girls. I chickened out because Lilah is sick and has pink eye. So I asked DH to work from home today. Lilah is clingy and whiny and needs all day breathing treatments.
I took a walk with both of them today (a long one) we then went to Buy Buy baby and stopped at a park to feed #2 and let #1 play. Going somewhere is the only thing that seems to make sense to me.
I get so stressed. I am such a planner and haven't figured out any sense of normal. I don't know how people juggle this. I am so not!
I feel like a failure!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I totally suck at this Mom of 2 thing
"When it comes to sleeping, whatever your baby does is normal. If one thing has damaged parents enjoyment of their babies, it's rigid expectations about how and when the baby should sleep." ~ James McKenna, Ph.D., Mother Baby Behavioral Sleep Center, University of Notre Dame
oh sweety! You are NOT a failure! Adjusting to 1 kid is a big deal, then adding another one is a HUGE deal. And Lilah being sick and not adjusting well has to take such a huge toll.
Do you have anyone who can help you out on the days Lilah is home?
Just remember that you always tell moms to be the first 6 weeks is all survival mode.. but when you have a toddler in addition to the newborn.. it's just plain Hell! You will get through and you WILL figure it out. Just give yourself time.
A) You do NOT suck at it!
C) Its VERY hard.....don't let people tell you otherwise. I don't know any friends who have more than one that think its easy.
I still feel like I suck at it and DS2 is almost 9 months. It takes us so long to get out of the house and there is only so much I can do with both of them.
I leave DS2 home A LOT still (go ahead....flame away!) because its easier and there are a lot of places (like the pool, park, etc) that are very difficult for me to watch active DS1 and DS2.
I cannot even imagine what life will be like when DS2 becomes mobile (which will be any day!)
Honestly, you are doing great. I seriously did not leave the house by myself with both until DS2 was like 3 months old! I always had someone come with me!!!
I have no advice (clearly) other than to say:
1. you do not suck! you are an excellent mom, proven by the fact that you are worried about this in the first place. you are doing an awesome job so far!
2. i can't imagine how hard it is. give yourself LOTS of slack and realize you'll get better at this with each day that passes.
Because we're fancy like that.
Oh no don't tell me that! I'm hoping to be a Mom of a toddler and a newborn by this time next year.
In fact, when that time comes and I am a Mom of 2 if I post about how hard it is, I want you to respond about how things were rough in the beginning but got better.
You are a GREAT mom! Like pp said being mom of one is big and adding a second is HUGE!
It takes time to adjust and things WILL get better!
You're doing great!
You're doing awesome. There is no way this is going to be easy, and you just have to remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect. It's not going to be possible to have both kids be 100% happy all the time.
I'm going to be in the same situation in a couple weeks. DS#1 is also going to go to daycare MWF and I am terrified about those TR where I'm going to have them both by myself.
You're only two weeks in!!!!! I certainly wouldn't expect to hear that anyone has it figured out at this stage!
I'm sure you're doing better than you're giving yourself credit for...and your probably hormonal and sleep-deprived. I agree with the others--give yourself a break!
You'll settle into a routine quickly enough. In the meantime, take any help you can get. I certainly plan to!
It does get better, but I am not so good at it either. Seeing LucyP's plagiocephaly post only made me feel worse that I don't give DD much attention. Poor DD spends a lot of time in the bouncy seat/car seat and the right side of her head is starting to get flat. But I can't hold her all the time when I have DS too. The baby bjorn has been helping, but it is still hard - I have to leave DD in her car seat when I bring DS to his classes, and put her somewhere when I am putting him down for naps/bed, or just playing with him.
I also find going out to be the easiest thing - opposite of what others have said. My toddler just can't sit still and can't stay in the house! My day has developed a bit of a schedule, basically just adding DD's feedings in to DS's schedule. It definitely takes a ton of planning to do anything - I remember in the first few days trying to figure out how to get all of us downstairs without leaving the toddler alone somewhere that wasn't baby proofed. But after you do it enough, you figure out what works and what doesn't. You also figure out how many different things you can do while wearing a baby (carrying a toddler and a stroller all at the same time, or changing a toddlers poopy diaper, for example).
Anyway, I know how hard it is to figure out, and I also know that you can do it! Good luck!
I am seriously terrified of handling both by myself, and I fully expect to be posting something very similar to this about 6 months from now. I trust at that point you will be able to tell me how you got through it and I will too!
Hang in there. Take a deep breath...or ten. The nb days are hell no matter what, and with L being sick, you do need help. I'm glad your DH was able to work from home. It's still SOOO early, though. You will figure it all out. Seriously, as along as everyone makes it through every day right now, you are not a failure!
Big, big hugs!!!!!!!!!!
You are NOT a failure! It is still so new -- you are still adjusting to delivery, hormone fluctuations, etc. in addition to the fact that there is an extra (and very needy!) baby in your home. I promise it will get easier. That first month is hard because there is no schedule yet and you're not only still recovering, but you're probably sleep deprived as well. Cut yourself some slack. I promise in a month or two you will look back and barely be able to remember what it was like to have just one child (you'll just think that it must have been really easy, lol).
As far as outings go, I haven't done one with all three alone yet, but I definitely advocate getting out as much as possible. DH and I try to get out with all three just about every other day, even if we just run to the grocery store or walk to the bakery on the corner. It already seems so much easier because we've got the routine down pat.