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moms of multiples--b-day question

Help me out here...I think I may have screwed up.

One of my very best friends had twin boys a few weeks before H was born, so they just turned one this week. They live in another state, so I sent a birthday gift for them--the Fisher Price Noah's Ark + a couple of books. 

It just occurred to me this morning that I probably should've sent a separate gift for each boy, rather than a joint gift for the two of them.

Yes?

Did I just commit a multiples faux paus? Or is it ok for me to send a joint gift for one year old twins?

Re: moms of multiples--b-day question

  • I'll be interested to hear responses from MoMs.  I've always given separate gifts, as I thought it only seemed fair.
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  • For the boys' bday they pretty much got separate gifts / separate cards from everyone.  The boys don't really notice the difference right now, so it doesn't really matter to me (opening 2 cards from 50 ppl was kind of annoying but not complaint worthy at all).  I would say that as they get older and "know" that it is their birthday, that I would hope people would stay with the one gift per kid thing so that they each have something to open and call their own. 

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  • It's fine.  Some times the boys get things to share.  Other times they get separate gifts.  The problem is that people usually think they need 2 of the same thing just because they're twins.  Think about it, would they really need two Noah's Arks (to use your example)?  Nope, they can share.  If people do decide to get separate stuff, I usually hope that they get (using your example again) the Noah's Ark for one and some other different toy for the other. 

    I've also come to realize that it's a lot for some people to spend twice as much because they share a birthday.  It doesn't bother me one way or the other really.  The fact that they give wanted to give something is what matters.

  • i think it's sweet that you sent something and that's what matters :)

    going forward, i would generally try to give a seperate gift to each baby but at a year old it really doesn't matter.  M&D end up sharing (ie fighting over ;) everything anyway at this point.  the only thing it's hard to get only one of is something small that they will definitely both want, like a toy cell phone or something.

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  • We aren't to a birthday yet, but have been thinking about this in regards of how much stuff they actually need. I would be happy to get one thing for them to share.That might chance as they get older...

    We have been trying to figure out a nice way to ask from our family to give things like a family zoo pass or museum pass for their b-day to avoid an overload of toys. We have so many hand-me-down clothes that we don't need anything new.  

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  • That's a really good question, I don't think you committed a faux paus at one year of age, but you may want to think about it giving separate gifts for the future, as each boy would probably want something of their own. 
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  • I don't think it matters until they are old enough to notice.  At a year old, it's not like they "own" certain toys.
  • I absolutely did not expect people to buy 3 toys or 3 of anything or 3 cards. At this stage, they don't know yet. And as they get bigger.. I think it will depend on the kid and how they feel about it.

    We had people do both. 3 cards, 3 gifts. And we had people do 1 card.. 1 gift. And now with all the people we know with multiples and their parties, I usually do two cards and either one bigger gift or for example.. we went to boy/girl twin party and I got them the each a hooded character bath towel, matching wash mits and some bubble bath. So it was a joint/together kind of gift.

    Honestly, neither would offend me. I expect people to do only what they can afford to do.

  • imageEverAfterinMi:

    I absolutely did not expect people to buy 3 toys or 3 of anything or 3 cards. At this stage, they don't know yet. And as they get bigger.. I think it will depend on the kid and how they feel about it.

    We had people do both. 3 cards, 3 gifts. And we had people do 1 card.. 1 gift. And now with all the people we know with multiples and their parties, I usually do two cards and either one bigger gift or for example.. we went to boy/girl twin party and I got them the each a hooded character bath towel, matching wash mits and some bubble bath. So it was a joint/together kind of gift.

    Honestly, neither would offend me. I expect people to do only what they can afford to. 

     

    Yes, this too.  I think it's totally cool to get them a bigger joint gift.  And I understand that it's a lot to have two birthdays at once.  I doubt your friends are keeping score. 

  • We just gave our friends' 2 year old twins a huge set of beach toys (it was all in 1 bag, but many different pieces).  So I guess you can call that a "shared" gift.  I also bought them each their own bottle of bubbles so they had something that was their own.
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  • cjsbdlcjsbdl member

    Thanks for all the input!

    Thankfully this particular friend is really laid-back and not at all sensitive about such things, so I'm sure it will be fine.

  • My boy/girl twins are almost 5 and we've received both joint gifts and individual gifts over the years.  I think both are perfectly acceptable.  As they get older, I've found most people do separate gifts because they're different sexes.  I guess it sort of depends on the gift too.  

    I'm sure your friend and her twins will be happy for your thoughtfulness.   

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  • I think it depends on the age and the gift.  At one they dont know as they get older they might and might care.  I have a get twin mommy friends so I go to 5 or 6 twin parties a year.  I tend to do 1 thing that can be used for/by both then 1 small thing each.  I think it is important to to do 2 different gifts when they start to realize what is theirs.

    BUT

    I would never expect anyone to feel they had to spend on my kids.  I would never ask that they not feel comfortable with the gift they give.  

    I think it is a balance and has a lot of factors to think about but I dont think you did anything wrong.

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  • They're 1 - they'll probably play with the box more than the gift when it arrives.  I'm sure they will LOVE your gift once the box has been discarded :)  When they get older I think to DIFFERENT gifts are a good idea - two of the same thing gets annoying.  For the 1st birthday you did fine :)
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