Moms of 2 boys, come in...

audrey79

Need your help, advice, etc.  This is re-posted from the preschool page:

I have 2 boys ages 4.5 and 2.5.  They both attend the same daycare center and now that my 2.5 yo has been moved up to the "big kid" playground with big brother, we've had some issues with bad behavior.  My older son has been pushing his baby brother down, tripping him, swatting at him, etc.  The teachers say that the behavior seems to come out of nowhere, all of a sudden, big bro will run over to little bro and just push him down.  Another time, little bro was sitting with his friends on a hill, and big bro came over and started swatting at his face.  Big bro used to love and adore his baby bro, he was so protective over him and so cute and loving towards him.  It seems as though ever since little bro is starting to grow up and do the same things, my older son is getting jealous that his turf is being barged in on or something.  Anyone expereince this?  TIA for your help!

ridesbuttons

My kids are 3 and 1.5 years old.  They attend the same daycare too.

My experience so far has been that once the little one starts to be a threat to his older brother, older brother gets aggressive.

It happened first when the little one started crawling and we've had waves of 'beatdowns' ever since.

I think you are bang on when you say that the big guy's turf is being barged in on.

Of course I tell the big brother no and discipline as needed when he is like this, but honestly I think this is part of being a sibling and I am shamefully looking forward to the day that little brother can stand up for himself and they take this sort of thing out of earshot/eyesight.

DanielleWrly

Yes and it is a never ending battle in our house. DH insists they're just brothers and that's what brothers do (he had 2). I was an only child so this sibling fighting thing is obnoxious to me. They still love each other, are best friends, share a room, don't like to be apart ever, but they fight all the time. Not like all out fighting as in punching or anything, just the nagging, arguing, pestering sort of thing with the occasional "accidental" trip, kick, etc. Basically if they can't play nice I just have to separate them for a little bit which ironically bugs them cause then they can't play together at all. And it helps if DH and I try to spend alone time with each of them occasionally. I think now that they're older if they spend too much time together every day they're just more irritable.

MrsHadley

I stay home with my boys, but really they fight physically at least once a day.  Usually my younger (but not littler) one starts it.  I'm suprised the daycare hasn't seen this before.  

Can they keep them apart?  Can they do a sticker chart/ other positive reward for not hurting the little brother?  Can they know its coming and redirect when they see the big brother headed over? 

Sorry it's an issue for you:)

audrey79

MrsHadley:

Can they keep them apart?  Can they do a sticker chart/ other positive reward for not hurting the little brother?  Can they know its coming and redirect when they see the big brother headed over? 

Sorry it's an issue for you:)

That can't really keep them apart during "recess" time.  All the 2.5yo-5yo use the same playground at the same time.  There are a lot of teachers out there watching them of course, and they also see when it happens, but sometimes after the fact.  They're aware it's an issue now, and will be watching more closesly of course.

It's strange that this horribel behavior just started happening recenlty, as in, in the last 2-3 weeks.  I remember when DS#2 started in the big kid play area, around the end of June, my older one was always watching him, protecting him, playing with him, etc.  We got a report of a time when DS#2 accidentally got bonked in the mouth by another child's elbow (it was pretty hard, he bit his lip, there was blood, etc.), and DS#1 ran up to him, hugged him, told him it was ok, and basically consoled him to the point he stopped crying.  Flashforward to only 3 weeks later, and Big bro tells his baby bro "I HATE YOU" and physically beats him at school... totally different picture than when they first got together.  There are absolute NO changes on the home front, we are just shocked and so confused!

kickypants

Ugh, sorry you're dealing with this. My two older boys are in daycare/camp together three days/week, and can be really physical with each other at home, but no reports of such behavior at daycare so far. (They also share playground time together, plus are in the same area for drop-offs and pick-ups.) Definitely sounds like a jealousy thing with your older DS. Obviously, this has been his routine for a while and having little brother there could threaten his "space." Have you talked to older DS about why he's acting like this? Has there been any punishment by you and DH at home? Has his behavior changed toward little bro at home? I wouldn't rely on the daycare folks to deal with it, I'd keep talking to older DS about what's bothering him, praising him when he's kind to younger bro, giving him "big brother" roles whenever possible, and, of course, reminding him that we don't hit/trip/smack/push anyone, including little brother. I hope things work out between your boys soon. I'd be so sad to hear this was going on with my guys. GL!

audrey79

kickypants:

 Have you talked to older DS about why he's acting like this? Has there been any punishment by you and DH at home? Has his behavior changed toward little bro at home? I wouldn't rely on the daycare folks to deal with it, I'd keep talking to older DS about what's bothering him, praising him when he's kind to younger bro, giving him "big brother" roles whenever possible, and, of course, reminding him that we don't hit/trip/smack/push anyone, including little brother. I hope things work out between your boys soon. I'd be so sad to hear this was going on with my guys. GL!

Yes, we've told Big Bro that he can't watch TV or have dessert when he comes home from school if we hear a report of bad playground behavior.  Little bro could care less about TV, so it's not like we're punishing HIM too.  It's hot, so they like their sugar free popsicles- nightly.  Last night we had NO TV and NO dessert.  He was pis$ed! 

Last night's report was that DS#2 was sucking his thumb, DS#1 comes over and starts hitting it out of his mouth.  When asked WHY, DS#1 told us, "it wasn't nap time, it was play time."   Then I said, "Maybe he was tired."  DSD#1 said, "OH.  SORRY."

Lord help me.  Tell me it gets easier.... that this is a phase....