new moms-how do you do it on your own

chocolatechip06

LO will be 6 weeks on Tuesday.

For weeks 1-2 my parents were here helping out, for weeks 4-6 my IL's will be here.

DH works from home (grad student-finishing his PhD).  He has to try and finish 2-3 papers by July 31.

IL's leave on Tuesday.  We have no family or friends to help out until I go home to Toronto on August 12.

LO eats every 3 hours.  It takes me 45 minutes to BF him, and up to another 45 minutes to change him and put him back to sleep.  I also need to try and pump a few times a day to maintain supply (we are 50/50 BF and bottle feeding).

I get about 3 hours of sleep between 9-midnight and maybe another 1-2 hours during the rest of the night.  It takes forever for me to relax and fall asleep after getting up in the middle of the night (my problem I know, not due to LO or DH).  I cannot nap during the day unless I am so exhausted I am ready to collapse. I also do not function well without sleep-one of the reasons I stopped working as a respiratory therapist.

For all you new  how do you do with with your DH working during the day.  I am trying to figure out how to feed LO/pump/diaper/and eat myself during the day (9-5) so DH is not interrupted at all.

I think the simple answer is suck and up and deal with it for the next month so DH can get his stuff done, but any tips and tricks will be greatly appreciated.  

LVBlvd

I can just tell you that it will get better!  It was hard for me to fall back asleep once I woke up for Paige's 2 AM feeding.  

My husband was traveling and working very late in the early days, so I was alone a lot.  Plus, the fall is actually his busy time (when the twins will be born), so if my mom can't stay, I'm hiring a night nanny : )

No real suggestions...just wishing you luck!! 

Temp159135562506975

You just do it

i did it with 2 babies... and then after 4mo I had 2 babies + toddler to myself 2 days/week, too... .you just do it.

you'll be fine- we all make it work.

*Willis*

It just gets done .

The good news is that the babies start to eat more quickly and nap longer.  At least C did.  In the afternoon, he may go 3.5 or 4 hours while napping.  

Make sure you have quick things to eat.  Not sandwiches or things that you need to heat up, but crackers, dips, cut up fruit, cheese, etc.

Like you, I have a really hard time getting back to sleep.  Sometimes, DH takes the night shift (or one of them) and it makes a world of difference.  He can fall asleep the minute he puts C down. 

GuitaristsGirl

Ditto the above.  Our days were a lot like yours, it sounds (it took an hour to feed him and he ate every 2.5 hrs) except I didn't pump.  Honestly, I didn't even realize at the time how tired I was!  You just get on autopilot.

Don't worry about the house, cleaning, etc.  Just try to enjoy it. . . I had always "heard" to get stuff done when LO naps - but you know what?  I liked just cuddling with him at the beginning   "They" also say to nap when they nap - but I never could do that!  (Couldn't fall asleep)  One day I took DS into my bedroom, made sure the bed was safe (no covers, etc) and curled up with him beside me.  I think having him beside me, but not "on" me, helped me relax in a way I couldn't when either holding him or when he was in his own crib/swing/etc. 

GL.

 

GuitaristsGirl

Oh, also, we didn't have anyone to help after the first week, but DH did try to come home for at least a short lunch break every day.  Even just 30 minutes to fix lunch, brush my teeth , etc. made a huge difference in the middle of the day.  Maybe your DH would be up for something like that, if it was for a set limited period of time?

ladychicago

I'm with the others.   I've been on my own since week 3.     and it just happens.    I often don't get a shower and find myself eating whatever happens to be edible out of my pantry or fridge without any preparation... and I have to force myself to get glasses of water.    but I try to take full advantage of Anna's naps (and am not above taking her for a walk since she always passes out in the stroller) to either nap myself, eat something, pump, or just relax.   

It'll get better - and hopefully you can get better about falling asleep more quickly during the overnight feedings.  I'm not sure how your baby is, but Anna is pretty good about laying awake in her bassinet after night feedings.   So I will put her down still awake, and she might grunt or make noises for a while, but she'll eventually fall asleep on her own.   That gives me an extra 30-45 minutes of sleep!

howleyshell

Like you said - you just do it.

The "solution" we worked out was that every Friday and Saturday DH took the first middle of the night feeding.

I had an air mattress in the basement (so I couldn't hear him cry because if I did I woke and couldn't go back to sleep) for me to crash out on.

After the first middle of the night feeding DH would bring the monitor down to me hoping I'd sleep thru his tip-toeing.  That way I was ready for the next feeding.

But... that was after the baby was in his crib which wasn't until 3-4 weeks.

Before then the baby was by my bed in the PNP and I'd lay down with him to feed during the nights maximizing my rest/sleep.  During those weeks DH slept on the air mattress in the basement.

 

So.... could you DH take the first middle of the night feeding?  For us that was anywhere from 10 to midnight.  That way you can crash out at 8 or 8:30 (after that feeding) and sleep hopefully until 3 or so.  I know for me if I could string together 4+ consecutive hours it made a WORLD of difference in my functioning.

And really.... he's certainly gone to bed around midnight and still been functional enough to work the next day, right?  So he could do this for you maybe even every other day?

 

GL figuring it out!

It gets better.

Mantra:  "It won't be like this for long" 

TheSkimmy

howleyshell:

Before then the baby was by my bed in the PNP and I'd lay down with him to feed during the nights maximizing my rest/sleep.  During those weeks DH slept on the air mattress in the basement.

 

So.... could you DH take the first middle of the night feeding?  For us that was anywhere from 10 to midnight.  That way you can crash out at 8 or 8:30 (after that feeding) and sleep hopefully until 3 or so.  I know for me if I could string together 4+ consecutive hours it made a WORLD of difference in my functioning.

And really.... he's certainly gone to bed around midnight and still been functional enough to work the next day, right?  So he could do this for you maybe even every other day?

 

GL figuring it out!

It gets better.

Mantra:  "It won't be like this for long" 

Exactly this- DH would stay up till 1am and would get up past 6am if I needed him. I would go to bed early and take 1am-6am. I'm a good napper so that helped.

JGirl2005

No real advice. I am scared to do it again. It gets better but it takes done time.

mybobble

Like everyone said you just do it.

For the 1st 10 days dh was home w/ me and then he had to go back to work. After that I was on my own until dh got home from work. Our family works and lives quite a distance away so we didn't have any help.

I learned quickly!

britbswoo

One thing at a time....and it definatly get's better!!  Getting a routine down it really 90% of the battle no joke. It's exhausting but totally doable our's ate every 3 hours and it used to take a solid 1.5 hours to 2 to feed and change everyone.  And shift sleeping is totally worth it in the begining.  I get home from work at 6, DH sleeps from 6:30-12:30 and I sleep from 12:30/1-5:30.  It's only temporary and so nice to look forward to solid sleep, even if it's only a few hours.  Good luck

crystalgirl

How is your DH sleeping at night?  I understand the pressure of grad school, especially paper deadlines, but you need help at night.  I highly recommend doing shifts at night so that each of you gets at least 5 hours of uninterrupted time to sleep.  You cannot go on functioning with so little.  I also had the same problems with going back to sleep.  Doing shifts was what saved me in those early days.

JGirl2005

no one came to help after DS was born - until he was 4wks old or older.  I had to have DH help a lot - forced myself to get some sleep between 8 and 10pm or whatever...sometimes I couldn't sleep, but I just rested awy from baby.

Dr.Loretta

Agreed--it will get better.

And don't be afraid to lean on your DH a bit. If he needs to get up earlier so he can watch the baby while you eat or pop in the shower, then so be it. Ditto for trading off having dinner, or him hanging out with LO while you take a short nap in the evening (we did that one or 2 nights when DD was tiny).

Try and have snacks strategically placed around the house so you can snack while pumping or nursing.

GL