TTC After a Loss 6 Months+

Random thought/question

Okay, so I was thinking.

The post below made me start wondering... When you ladies all finally have your babies (and you will one day) will you post on PAL? Because once upon a time there used to be drama between that board and TTCAL. Basically a few girls were like "wah wah we were the ones that started this board" and were trying to police us and say that we weren't running the board the way they intended it to be. Anyhoo I used to be boggled at the difference between Parenting in general and Parenting After a Loss. I can understand how it could be more difficult raising older children who grew attached to a sibling that they lost or a stillborn or later pg loss. But other than that, how is it different? I think every parent has questions and worries about their children whether they've gone through a loss or not. I personally have chilled the eff out since having him here in my arms. I'm not OCD about every single thing now and I don't freak out about SIDS and him getting sick. I'm laid back. My whole pg I felt like I was walking on eggshells every day though. I was a nervous nelly. It was bad. But with that said, I am stuck between boards too. I still lurk all.the.time on PgAL and can't wait to meet everyone's babies. I miss those girls. PAL is a whole different world. Not sure I dig it. Maybe I will when more and more of my buddies jump that fence with me? Idk.

I also wonder when I start TTC again like is this the right place to hang out again? I finally got a take home baby but I feel like next time I not might be so lucky once again. And I'm not gonna lie, I miss drunk bumping with yall haha

Missed MC 1 - 11/21/2006 Missed MC 2 - 03/10/2008 BFP # 3 09/18/09 - Gabriel David born 05/11/2010 baby

Re: Random thought/question

  • To the first part, as long as all my ladies are over on PAL, for sure that is where I will be too. I cannot believe that kind of drama was going on; sad. All of us and all you ladies on PGAL right now, we got bonds, baby. The other baby boards seem to have their own vibe.

    Hell, I plan to join you all on PAL when we are matched with our miracle. I may not give birth to him or her, but I still think the same issues will be a part of my life. And I will need you chicks, as always.

    (And I do think as more of the current PGAL ladies join you on PAL, it will feel more like home. So many of them are so close here!)

     

    To the second - yes, I think when you start TTC again, you could come back to TTCAL. I think the same fears of loss are always going to be part of your TTC journey, regardless of whether or not you have had a successful pregnancy. I also think that is why PAL is an important resource - I assume ladies there are on to second and other kids by now?

  • I think if I ever do have a kid and have parenting q's, I might post on the general parenting boards just b/c they get more traffic.

    I also think it makes total sense to post here again when you start TTC again. It's not like Gabe undoes your losses. You're still TTCAL, just also after baby, kwim? 
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  • I guess I am talking about the actual boards in a way but then just parenting in general too.

    I totally get that most of us want to stick together so we have these boards to keep up with each other through our journeys. I have often heard to them referred to as our "safe havens" Whether I agree with that or not is a different issue lol But yes, if you ask a dumber question around these parts you are less likely to get attacked I suppose. I lurk on the baby boards - which is just grow up tri boards and post there too because PAL is soooo slow and you get more answers and quicker over there. 

    And I do think some of the original PALers one on 2nd + children or working on it anyway. But I think it's I just don't know as many people. Seems as though a ton of girls get lots between PgAL and PAL. Being a new parent is hard and time consuming, but nap time is the perfect bumping time. I maybe choose not to clean sometimes : ) 

    Missed MC 1 - 11/21/2006 Missed MC 2 - 03/10/2008 BFP # 3 09/18/09 - Gabriel David born 05/11/2010 baby
  • I really hope when our baby comes to us, I am not as anal and nuts as I am about my pregnancies. I am hoping I can just live in the moment.

    Not sure though. I do think my fear of "loss" in general - I mean, I cry when my dog goes to day care because I worry she'll get in a fight, or run away, and I'll lose her too - is pretty consuming. And I'm not sure mamas who haven't had losses would understand that.

    Which might be the main reason for me to stick to PAL. I don't want to be a crazy mother who stands over her child to make sure they are breathing every night. I hope when it's real, like you have found, there is some peace in them just being there.

  • No, I still stand over him and make sure he breathes. I thought that was normal. haha. But really when he started sleeping longer periods I would wake up in a panic and go see if he was still alive. And I would also wake up in a panic thinking I had rolled over him or suffocated him because I fell asleep nursing. We don't co-sleep though.

    But I say that because since having him, I have learned parenting techniques or tips their Dr's gave them or read whatever whatever and some of it sounds rediculous. You know how sometimes you surprise your own Dr. because you know more about TTC than he does? Who do you thank? Thebump. Same thing. some people are just so radical in their ways and I can't help but laugh. Cause some people are passionate about parenting issues.  Or maybe I've just been in Mexico to fvcking long and it is making me that way? Not quite sure. I mean you know it's not even legal to have a carseat here but whatevs.

    Missed MC 1 - 11/21/2006 Missed MC 2 - 03/10/2008 BFP # 3 09/18/09 - Gabriel David born 05/11/2010 baby
  • Those are things I've thought of too.  I'm not sure PAL is really different that just parenting.  Ideally I would like to go to PAL to stay with the same group of ladies, but I've been though so many groups of ladies on here that I have no idea.  When I lurk on PAl it seems that they talk TTCAL X2 on there some, but I can't think of a reason you wouldn't be welcome back to ttcal.
    imageimage
    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!
    April 2011 CP @ 5 weeks
  • I think that if this pregnancy makes it, that will be the end of my time on the Bump.  I will still keep up with my TTCAL friends individually, but I have kind of a thing about experiencing parenthood on my own terms, without too much outside influence.  And you're right, the Bump gives a skewed outlook about what's the right way to do things.  Besides, it's a giant time suck and I'm going to need to get that time back when baby comes.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    4 early losses 2009, 2010, 2015.  Baby #1 born 2/13/11.  
  • imageBBHME:
    I think that if this pregnancy makes it, that will be the end of my time on the Bump.  I will still keep up with my TTCAL friends individually, but I have kind of a thing about experiencing parenthood on my own terms, without too much outside influence.  And you're right, the Bump gives a skewed outlook about what's the right way to do things.  Besides, it's a giant time suck and I'm going to need to get that time back when baby comes.

    :::whispers "But you'll still say hi sometimes, right?":::

  • imageambrandau2:

    imageBBHME:
    I think that if this pregnancy makes it, that will be the end of my time on the Bump.  I will still keep up with my TTCAL friends individually, but I have kind of a thing about experiencing parenthood on my own terms, without too much outside influence.  And you're right, the Bump gives a skewed outlook about what's the right way to do things.  Besides, it's a giant time suck and I'm going to need to get that time back when baby comes.

    :::whispers "But you'll still say hi sometimes, right?":::

    I'll even blow kisses.   

    ---------------------------------------------------------------
    4 early losses 2009, 2010, 2015.  Baby #1 born 2/13/11.  
  • imageBBHME:
    imageambrandau2:

    imageBBHME:
    I think that if this pregnancy makes it, that will be the end of my time on the Bump.  I will still keep up with my TTCAL friends individually, but I have kind of a thing about experiencing parenthood on my own terms, without too much outside influence.  And you're right, the Bump gives a skewed outlook about what's the right way to do things.  Besides, it's a giant time suck and I'm going to need to get that time back when baby comes.

    :::whispers "But you'll still say hi sometimes, right?":::

    I'll even blow kisses.   

    Okay. Phew.

     

     

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