Am I totally off base?

cschlomann

Long story short, I feel that because I take care of LO 90% of the time, that SO can do the stuff around the house. Cook, clean, laundry etc. I don't mean he has to do everything, but if something needs to get done, and I'm feeding, diapering, rocking LO etc. He can be the one to do it. Am I totally off base here? (I've tried to get him to do more with her, but he won't. Sleep time especially is always just me, by myself. Always)

How do you split daily duties?

Soto Pop

you are not off base at all. if things to be done, then he needs to help out. no questions asked.

Dr.Loretta

I"m not trying to be snarky, but have you asked him to do these things or do you just hope he figures out what you want him to do?

If DD is eating or needing my attention when DH gets home, he cooks and I clean up afterward. Or he takes DD and I cook. We have a pretty decent division of labor. We also have certain things that are "our thing". He deals with trash and recycling, and yard work. I deal with laundry, much of the cooking, and most of the diapers. DH usually makes up the bottles for the day.

RadicalDreamer143

Depends.  What is he currently doing?

We both work, so Liam is in daycare.  However, our duties are as follows:

Me: Feedings, some diapers, dress/undress for sleep/day, empty and load the dishwasher, laundry (including CDs), some cooking, prepare the diaper bags for daycare, most house cleaning, most gardening

DH: Some diapers, make the bottles, make our lunches, fill out the daycare form, load the car, some cooking, some house cleaning, most outdoor maintenance

We both spend time with Liam - DH is actually great at calming him down if he is fussy.  I will say it is rare that one of us are doing either a chore or taking care of Liam while the other person is relaxing - one might be playing with Liam, the other will be cleaning the kitchen or cooking dinner.  Two days ago I had a rough day at work, so I took a nap with our son when we got home - DH did all the prep work for the following day and cooked dinner.  Last night, he really wanted to watch the All Star game, so once Liam was asleep, I started taking down wallpaper in our master bathroom by myself.  Even during nightly feedings, DH is the one getting up, getting Liam from the crib, bringing him to me to feed him AND putting him back to sleep (he STTN but we wake him before we turn in).  It's a nice arrangement for all involved.

IrishBrideND

It depends. If you stay at home and he works, then IMO most of that is your "job." When I stay at home, I view it as such. Now, DH is staying at home and he does most of that.

simplyatomic

I think it depends on if you stay home as well. I stay home and all of Liam and his sisters care is on me except for his days off everything else is on me as well.

kimandjared

I don't think you are off base to expect some help. I am a SAHM and DH work 40+ hours a week so I can stay home. I try and get a lot done during the day, but sometimes it's impossible. DH is very understanding, but I feel bad asking for help. This caught up to me one day and I broke down because I was so tired and overwhelmed trying to "maintain" the house.

 DH had no idea I felt that way (because I never said anything). Like pp said, have you talked to him about this? Now that DH knows, he will help out when he sees stuff needs to be done. Sometimes I don't always get the bottles washed, so he will help wash them after dinner. On the weekends, he helps me catch up on any laundry I don't get done. 

ABColeslaw

Ugh I was just going to post about this....think i will. 

NELCORP

IrishBrideND:

It depends. If you stay at home and he works, then IMO most of that is your "job." When I stay at home, I view it as such. Now, DH is staying at home and he does most of that.

This.

When I was at home I did most of the household chores. He always does the yard work no matter what. Now that we both work, we split the duties. I cook almost everyday and he does the dishes. We both do the laundry. I may throw a load in and he will move it to the dryer and then we will fold and put the clothes away together. We clean the house together too, however I do the delegating of duties. If I ask DH to do something...he does. As far as spending time with LO, I do spend more time with DS but that's mainly because I BF and LO is a big mama boy. DH does give DS a bath, change him, play with him, and read to him. We tend to take turns with this kind of stuff depending on what is going on that particular day.

adcffaa

IrishBrideND:

It depends. If you stay at home and he works, then IMO most of that is your "job." When I stay at home, I view it as such. Now, DH is staying at home and he does most of that.

This. DH and I both WAH, but he goes to school too so that leaves anything with DD and cooking/cleaning up to me. But when he's home he helps around the house. Like if he sees I haven't gotten around to doing the days' dishes, he'll do them. But he didn't just up and start donig that one day, I had to ask him to do it several times until one day he started donig it on his own.

justrachet

We both work full time and therefore see our home duties as needing to be 50/50. We don't split specific tasks, we just have a rule that if stuff needs to be done, we both need to be doing something. Last night, for example, looked like this:

H picked DS up at daycare, went home, and they played for a few minutes. I stopped by the store on my way home to pick up some stuff we were out of. When I got home, DS was hungry, so I fed him while H worked on our dinner. H had an important email to compose, so he did that while I got DS ready for bed. Towards the end of bedtime story, H came in for bedtime prayers and put DS to bed, while I dished out our dinner. We ate together. Then, H did the dishes so I could put my feet up for a few minutes. Our chores for the day were scrubbing the showers and sweeping/mopping the tile. I did the showers while H did the floors. Then, I remembered I needed to put away the food. I did that, set up coffee for this morning, and made my lunch for today, while H put his feet up for a few minutes. Then we just hung out together for about 30 minutes or so until it was time to get ready for bed.

M&M*love

I am a SAHM so other then yard work maintaining the home is all on me. I also do 99% of the baby duty. DH is more then willing to help me out and does but he works 12 hour days so I feel bad if he then has to come home and clean dishes. He loves to play with DD so he will play with her if I need to get stuff done.

I think that every family is different so if what is happening isn't working for you then you should discuss it and come to an agreement. Our setup doesn't work for everyone.