parenting question.

DandR

So, with 3 kids so close together, my kids tend to get "physical" with each other...pushing, hitting, chasing whatever.  Most of the time its all good fun and I can't intervene every second of every day, so I mostly ignore it.

Then every now again someone starts crying.  But its not like they are innocent victims...they were RIGHT there in the rough housing until they got hurt.  So usually the result is kids are sent to do their own thing and not play together.  Not REALLY a punishment, but its not like the one who pushed or whatever REALLY did anything worse than the one who got hurt.

So now, its getting out of hand.  Specifically Audrey just hits and pushes ALLLLL the time.  She trips her brother or sister for no reason, she pushed Mitch down the stairs, she is just physical ALLLLLL the time, NOT just when the kids are rough housing.

Timeouts have done nothing. Sending her to bed early, nothing.  Taking away her favorite things, nothing.  She just doesn't think before she gets physical. 

Today we are on time #2 of her getting physical for no reason.  First time she pushed her brother off the couch for no reason. And now she tripped her sister for no reason.

Soooooooo, I know that Im partially to blame for allowing them to rough house from time to time......

BUT---WHAT can I do to get this to stop.  I fear for her kindergarten classmates starting in August.  I've tried to tell her she won't get to start kindergarten if it continues and her answer when I talk to her about it is always "I KNOWWWW!" 

Its frustrating beyond belief.  I can get mad at her for  pushing, and within a minute of her coming out of her room, she pushes again, I get upset and she says "I KNOWWWW!"

Well if you freaking KNOW, then QUIT doing it!!!! (What I'd REALLY like to yell at her, but obviously do not)

Also---am I the only one who lets their kids rough house?  Maybe I just really need to get that stopped. 

DandelionMom

I don't allow rough-housing - -  with the difference in age and size of my kids the little one could really end up getting hurt.  And all the screaming gets on my nerves.  

The kids know we have a "keep your hands to yourself" rule.  Rule breakers are sent to their rooms until they're ready to apologize and play nice, repeat as needed.  When things get out of hand we all have a little talk about why we don't push/hit/whatever (ie it isn't nice, it scares people, someone can get really hurt, etc) and how to use our words instead of being rough. 

ETA: Forgot to mention that age can be difficult.  My older girls both went through a difficult patch just before kinder.  It was pretty short-lived.

shouldbworkin

I'm glad to hear that my STB KG'er isn't the only one doing this.  It usually happens when he's tired and just gets annoyed with his little sister.  He's too tired to tell her to bug off, so he hits, pushes, kicks, etc.  I really try to keep them separated, doing quiet activities in the afternoon or engaged in some activity in the afternoons. 

Reading "Siblings without Rivalry" helped a lot too.  Rather than yelling or punishing, I usually just sit down with them for a minute and talk to them about what they're feeling (I know, it's sounds hokey) and how to properly act when they are upset with each other.  I help M & E voice their frustration with e/o and it seems to help them simmer down. 

Kersbear

First, I would stop using not going to kindergarten as a threat. It is not something you can follow through with.

I don't think there is anything wrong with letting them rough house, but maybe limit it?  So they can rough house at somepoint, but then have a hands off policy outside of that time. 

When she pushes or what not when they are not rough housing stick with one consequence (i.e. time out, loss of privlege, etc.) and follow through everytime.

ETA: Carter has been rough housing since 10 months old with the kids I nanny for and if they hurt each other outside of that time that person goes to timeout.

shouldbworkin

Another thing I try to do with the rough housing is make them listen to e/o.  If someone starts to sound unhappy, I point it out to the other and remind him/her that s/he doesn't like it if the other doesn't stop when they ask.  I think it's hard for them to learn where the line is and it's our job to help them figure that out. 

Katesmama

While I don't have multiple kids, I am the middle child.  If I remember correctly Audrey is the middle child.  Her actions are very, very typical middle kid.  There are a lot of people out there that "poo-poo" the middle child syndrome but I'm here to tell you it exists.
If you haven't yet, do a little research and find some positive, constructive ways to correct her behavior.  Acknowledging her feelings of being "forgotten" will go a long way toward curbing the aggression.
Maybe you've already done this.  You seem like a wonderful mom so maybe I'm not adding anything new.
Just a thought. 

DandR

Kersbear:

First, I would stop using not going to kindergarten as a threat. It is not something you can follow through with.

I can follow through with it though.  Her birthday is close to the cutoff and its been a long decision to even send her.  I really thought her maturity was getting better, but since summer, or rather in the last 3 weeks maybe, its slid downhill, tremendously.  Its really making me regret the decision to send her.  So it really wouldn't be hard to pull her from it and wait one more year.....the only hard part would be finding a pre-k program this late in the game.....

I swear my kids go through phases and its a way so that I will NEVER have a favorite..if you had asked 3 months ago, Audrey was my "favorite"....now its Mitch....I'm sure Taylor is next.  Its like they plot "ok, brother and sister, now its your turn to be the good child...we will be naughty!"  LOL 

Ok, I need to cut the rough housing out.  Starting that today.

I can work on finding out why A decided to impulsively push, kick whatever....

I'm SOOOOOOO pmsing right now, its not funny.  Seriously, they are irritating me today.  I think its time to go to the pool....need a change of scenery for sure....