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19 month old bully-WWYD?

SumnerBrideSumnerBride
in Parenting

Apparently, my 19 month old DD is a brute.  Any time I turn my head, she's taking her 3.5 year old sister out.  She pulls hair, steals toys, steals food, and sometimes will bear hug and throw her down. 

I feel like I'm always having to get on her for doing these things.  I tried just letting them figure out their spats, but I think DD2 is still too young for that.  And all DD1 does is tattle, or scream when DD2 is doing something.

My first DD is a lover, and I guess my second is turning out to be a fighter?  I'm not sure how to deal with this.  She's not like this with other kids-just her sister.  As concerned as I am to teach my youngest to play nicer, I'm almost more concerned that I should be teaching my oldest to defend herself!

WWYD?  Let them work it out as much as possible, or do I get in between them every time?

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Re: 19 month old bully-WWYD?

  • EMTEMT member
    DD's preschool told me something that rang true to me at a parent teacher conference. Everything she sad about M was completely positive but I was concerned about that very issue: that she doesn't stand up for herself. She said that M complete avoids conflict but that I should not look at it as a bad thing. She said usually you don't have to teach them to be selfish; that they will definitely learn that themselves.That said, I found a martial arts class I think I'm going to enroll M in at the Y. It supposedly teaches them what to do if they get physically bullied. Not that DD is bullied but I just hunk it might make her more confident. Anyway, I just do remove DS and tell him not to hit. That's all I got.Amazing how tolerant our two older sibs are. M never hits back...she just screams too but maybe that's not something we want to be actively teaching them you know?
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  • peekaboo716peekaboo716 member

    My DD has a tendency to get a bit rough with her brother. Not to the extent that you are dealing with, though, I don't think.

    What we do with DD if she does something like that (hair pulling, hitting, etc.) is tell her that we need to do nice touches. Then use her hand in the nice way. If she continues, we walk away. She really doesn't like it when we do that, so usually that curbs the behaviour for a while.

    DS is also trained to tell his sister to be nice and use nice touches too. It empowers him to be a role model for her, and he likes that.

    It's hard. Good luck!

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  • EMTEMT member
    Holy crap. Again I'm going to blame all my typos on the phone
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  • SumnerBrideSumnerBride

    EMT-that's a great idea about the karate.  I looked into that here, but most programs don't start until 4, so I have a few months to go.  I guess I should be happy that she's not whooping on her little sister, but still.  M sounds the same as A!  Oddly enough, part of me wants to tell her to fight back!  Of course I don't want her hitting people, but I can't always be there to watch what's going on, so I get nervous about what school will be like.

    peekaboo-that's good advice too.  I need to be on DD2 more about "nice" touching.  And maybe getting DD1 to tell her that too will help a bit.  At this point, I'm willing to try anything!

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  • ZenyaZenya member
    I make Sara retouch nicely, remove any weapon she has in her hands (and the child could make a marshmallow a mf'ing weapon) and make her apologize.  It's helping a tiny bit.
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  • REOMREOM member

    Sounds like my house! Seriously, my DD#2 BITES her sister, along with hitting, toy grabbing and hair pullling, it's terrible. During the school year she goes to daycare, and thankfully doesn't bite there. Only bites her big sis :(

    We bought the book, "Teeth are not for biting" (there is a whole series for toddler behaviors) and we read it to her in time out every time she bites.

    Keeping her busy helps. It seems when she is bored, it happens more. She is now in her own Little Gym class, and it never happens on LG days. Maybe she gets her aggression out there?!

    We have taught DD#1 to say, "Emi,that hurts", "That's not nice Emi!" or "I don't like when you _____". She does now say those things to her rather than just crying for me. Hopefully that is a skill that will carry over into school for her.

    We should let Sydney and Emilia battle it out- LOL :)

    DD1 12.18.06 DD2 9.18.08 DD3 EDD 5.10.2012 BabyFruit Ticker
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  • SumnerBrideSumnerBride
    imageREOM:

    Sounds like my house! Seriously, my DD#2 BITES her sister, along with hitting, toy grabbing and hair pullling, it's terrible. During the school year she goes to daycare, and thankfully doesn't bite there. Only bites her big sis :(

    We bought the book, "Teeth are not for biting" (there is a whole series for toddler behaviors) and we read it to her in time out every time she bites.

    Keeping her busy helps. It seems when she is bored, it happens more. She is now in her own Little Gym class, and it never happens on LG days. Maybe she gets her aggression out there?!

    We have taught DD#1 to say, "Emi,that hurts", "That's not nice Emi!" or "I don't like when you _____". She does now say those things to her rather than just crying for me. Hopefully that is a skill that will carry over into school for her.

    We should let Sydney and Emilia battle it out- LOL :)

    Good-so it's not just my younger girl!!!  HA!!  That sounds exactly like Sydney!  I've just been telling Ashlyn to tell her sister that it hurts.  Then all I hear is whining, and Sydney laughing.  She's evil!

    Hmm...maybe I should run her on the treadmill!!!  Get some of that aggression out.  I don't know where she gets it from!

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