The Lola debate: trouble with the grandmothers

mzclaire

Ok, so we have a problem with the grandmothers-to-be.

My mother is Filipino, and she has always insisted that I call her by the Filipino word for mother (Nanay) my entire life. I think she had dibs on the word "Lola" since I got my first period, since that is the word for grandmother in her language. My sister has three kids, and they all dutifully call her "Lola."

Well, I tell MIL that I'm pregnant, and she tells me with a twinkle in her eye that she has a great idea for her name. She doesn't want to "compete" with the other grandmothers (there are four total cause the dads re-married) so she won't go by "grandma." Since her name is Laura, she says, "Why don't I go by Lola? It sounds like my name, but easy to say for little ones, and oh so cute?" My immediate reaction was a horrified "Uh, that might be a problem." But she hasn't come up with any other ideas, and she seems to have her heart set on Lola.

Is it weird to have two "Lolas"? Should I make one of them compromise? What are you all doing about the grandma naming issue?

sandylou

I don't think it's wierd but very coincidental that she came up with the exact same name! If it were me, I would probably ask MIL to come up with something else.

We will prolly go with Nannie for MIL since that is what my niece calls her.  OR wait and see what comes out of the LO's mouth. For my mom and dad prolly just the standard grandma and grandpa.  I don't know really b/c we havent' asked them if they have a preference!

mbh10220

Yeah...DH and my parents are all divorced and remarried.  With DH's neices they call everyone "grandma" or "grandpa" usually followed by either their first name or their last name (aka: Grandma Sue).  Personally I hate it but it makes it "easier" I guess....

we're not doing that with my parents for our kinds...my step dad is Danish/Canadian so we're calling him and my mom the Danish words for Grandmother and Grandfather.  Dad is going with Poppop or something like that...not sure about my stepmom, yet.

So, long story short (sorry about that) you could definitely do two 'Lola's...Or else try to come up with something else that is like Laura but cute and easy to say.  Its tough when it is your MIL and your Mom...because who can really be called 'the priority' when they are both the biological grandmother.  Good luck!  =D  I'm sure it will all work out.

izzourclue

Eh, I call both my grandmothers "grandma."  Personally, I'll leave it up to the grandmothers what they want to be called.  Its pretty much the only power I plan to give them in the process of bringing this life into the world.

*kendrick*

Did you tell her that is what your mom will be called due to heritage? If so, that might sway her to choose something else, since she is looking for something unique.

That said, we plan on just doing grandma (3 of those) and grandpa (2 of those) and think that it will all work out because kids come up with their own way to distinguish. My niece calls both of her grandmas grandma but when distinguishing them when talking with her mom one is the grandma with yellow hair and the other has some other feature.

pawcall

I don't have this problem, myself - my mom would prefer to be called "grandma" and my MIL would like to be called "Nana".  My grandma will probably just be "great grandma" (that's what I called my great grandma when I was little).

I don't think it's a big issue though.  If they both want to be Lola, I'd go with it.  If one of them has an issue with the names being the same, they are free to let you know what they'd prefer to be called instead.

MJM3108

I would def say that your MIL should be the one to change... Would she be willing to go with something like Lala instead? Explain to her your heritage, and she will (hopefully) understand and pick another name....

pmanolides

I have two grandmas. Two Lola's would be fine too I think. You should let your MIL know that your mom already goes by Lola though, and see how she feels about it. She might want to pick something more unique. But if not, I wouldn't worry about it.

DaniGirl0517

I don't think it's weird, it may be easier.  Both my grandfathers are Papa be it Papa Mike or Papa Angelo but usually it's just Papa.  My grandmothers all had different ones but eventually the two "real" grandmas were both Grammie most of the time.  If they both want Lola then so be it but your kiddo will probably call them whatever s/he wants to.

scout426

Both my mom and mil go by nana.  Its not that big of a deal.  But you can always try and throw out other names to your mil.  My grandmother went by Lu-lu (sounds more like la then lou) I loved having unique names to call my grandparents. 

kmwiegand

I don't see why it would be a big deal to have 2 Lola's, but if your MIL wanted something unique, it won't be - so maybe let her know you're fine with Lola, but that your grandma is already Lola.  BTW,  I agree that the kids will call them what they want - my brother and SIL were all - "there will be no nicknames - you will be grandma and grandpa".  Well my nephew calls the grandpa's Papa - Papa Fred and Papa Charlie.  The grandmas are grandmas - Grandma Susie, Grandma Jean, Grandma Caleen.  And he calls his daddy Daddy-o!  So they will call them what they want.

greenroses

If your mom doesn't mind and you don't mind, then two Lolas aren't a big deal.  But if your mom does mind or if you think it will be confusing, then I say make your MIL change.  MIL being called Lola is MIL's own invention, whereas your mom being Filipino is part of your and your children's cultural heritage.  And sorry, but I have to disagree with everyone who says it's like having two "Grandpas" or "Grandmas".  "Lola" means different things to the two grandmothers in this situation.

mzclaire

yeah, I told MIL that it was a Filipino word and that my Nanay (mom) had claim to it since forever. We have plenty of time to work it out, and I think the idea of something similar (Lala or Lulu) might be OK. I can suggest that to her.

I only ever had one set of grandparents, so this whole thing is new to me. thanks for the feedback.