Toddlers and funerals

REOM

My husband's uncle died, and I really want to go to the funeral too. We are very close with his cousins.

I don't have anyone to watch my girls   I know that my 3.5 year old will be fine, but I am worried about my 21 month old. She is loud and wild. No doubt she will be yelling and I will be running in and out with her.

Would you take her, or just not go? Which is worse, in your opinion?

docmay25

I think it is worse to have a toddler who is loud at a funeral.  I think that you will have to miss it if you can't find anyone that can watch them. 

JOEBunny

Not going is worse.  Children are welcome and expected at our family funerals.  It is always a good time to catch up and see each other, since we don't get all together at the same time, except for funerals and weddings.  I should say that everyone in our family who has died since I was small has been 86+ so the funerals are more celebrations of a life well lived. 

Jamaica_Bride

If I was in your shoes, I would bring the girls. I would pay my respects, see family and then scoot before anyone gets rowdy.

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and YH.

littlemermaid

You could go but maybe sit towards the back so that way if she does get too loud/disruptive you can slip out the door until she calms down.

DandelionMom

In my family, they'd want you to go but I'd probably sit near the back and plan to slip out and meet up with everyone after. 

Sorry for your loss.

REOM

JOEBunny:

the funerals are more celebrations of a life well lived. 

I love that. I wish that was the perspective of our families, but it's just not. Very old-school, for lack of a better word. Not American, I guess that's it.

Thanks for your replies. I am sick over this. We did go to the wake, but I want to attend the mass. Anyone want to babysit for a wild and loud toddler tomorrow?!

Yodajo

Sorry for your loss.

I was in a similar situation when Sam was a toddler.  All my babysitting options were at the funeral.  I just went with Sam, but drove separately so I could leave as soon as he started to get out of hand, which he did do.

Marchmamma

I would go with the girls and sit near the back.  I think funerals should be a celebration of life.

mollynpatrick

Jamaica_Bride:

If I was in your shoes, I would bring the girls. I would pay my respects, see family and then scoot before anyone gets rowdy.

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and YH.

Ditto all of this! Sorry for your loss.

goodheartedmommy

Go. You can always leave if necessary. FWIW, my kids were around that age when we went to DH's grandma's funeral and viewing. I only met her a few times, so I stayed in a room with the majority of children during the actual funeral, and several of DH's cousins and wives were in and out during the viewing. It depends on the family, it seems, but at any funeral I've ever been to, children have been welcomed and present.

Andrewsgal

DH's grandfather passed away last week, we went to the funeral, and there was a very loud toddler that the mom eventually took out. DH was not pleased and I don't blame him one bit. IMO funerals are not a place for children of any age for many reasons.

joy143dh

mollynpatrick:

Jamaica_Bride:

If I was in your shoes, I would bring the girls. I would pay my respects, see family and then scoot before anyone gets rowdy.

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and YH.

Ditto all of this! Sorry for your loss.

I agree. Go and scoot.  Sorry

Marce921

JOEBunny:

Not going is worse.  Children are welcome and expected at our family funerals.  It is always a good time to catch up and see each other, since we don't get all together at the same time, except for funerals and weddings.  I should say that everyone in our family who has died since I was small has been 86+ so the funerals are more celebrations of a life well lived. 

Ditto this.

hopefulmom

Children may be welcome and expected at "some" people's funerals...but not in my family or circle of friends.  Kids are usually at grandparents funerals but not if they are really little and don't understand what is going on.  My oldest DD was 6 months when my Dad died and there is no way I would have wanted her there.  I was too busy comforting my mom to be able to take care of a little one.  When my mom passed my oldest DS was 11 so it wasn't an issue (he was one of the pall bearers) but there were several of my relatives that had little ones and they didn't bring them.  In my situation people think it is disrespectful to the deceased family if kids are crying, yelling, playing, eating, etc.  Yes, it is many times a celebration of the person's life...but in a respectful way.  The luncheon after the funeral is different...it's still kind of toned down...but not somber like the funeral itself.