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Babies on the Brain
Newts Mommy
member
TTC-and scared to death, lol...please help
Newts Mommy
member
I would like to give a small background on my situation; this post could be kind of long. My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, a little over one year married, he has one daughter from a previous relationship who just turned 7. My husband and I have had a challenging first year to say the least. I have a terrible relationship with my mother in law, not for lack of trying, she is just crazy. She has accused me of being a hypochondriac, a liar, crazy, immature, etc, this all brings me around to this post.
My husband is in school for nursing and will beginning clinicals this coming spring, we have had a trying first year of marriage and my husband?s mother has given more than her fair share of opinions about this and me. She has said that she knows I won?t be able to handle my husband being in nursing clinicals because of all of the women he will be around, not just women, ?smart, intelligent women? (her words not mine) and he will be away from home a lot. I?m not a jealous person at all so this doesn?t bother. She has told my husband that I will get pregnant on purpose in order to trap him while he is in nursing school because I am immature. So here comes my dilemma?WE have decided that we will begin trying for a child within the next couple of weeks?he starts clinicals in the spring?and we don?t want to tell people we are trying because we don?t want people?s opinions about our decision. So I guess I?m scared and afraid of her reaction?she already hates me and thinks poorly of me and she is going to think that she is right, that ?I? did this, not us. I?m already saddened by our very poor relationship and this is only going to make it worse, but I?m not going to put my life on hold just to avoid her being a pill something. I?m just hoping that maybe there is someone who has had a situation similar to this or could offer some advice on how to handle what is sure to be WWIII.
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Re: TTC-and scared to death, lol...please help
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Let's try this again...
Really? Did I just fall for MUD?
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:spits water on screen:
LMAO...No.
He has told her on muliple occasions but it still doesn't stop me from being worried about all of this. I also want my child to have their grandparent in their life but not at the expense of my sanity or my childs.
First of all, TTC should be between you and your husband.
How is your husband handling this situation with the MIL? Is he standing up for you? What does he say about these comments? I just get the feeling that he should be doing more to stand up for you and not let his family degrade you.
He handles all of this really well, I never feel like he sides with his family or his mom. His remarks about these comments are to just ignore them, we both know she is crazy, etc. But I don't want to accidently "prove" someone right...especially her, and I don't think she's "right" I just know that when we annouce we are pregnant she is going to have something to say, and she is going to think "I" did this on purpose because I'm insecure or something. I know that he will handle this but how do I handle it? I can't help but care about what she thinks of me.
There in lie your problem. You care about what she thinks of you...why? You know she's crazy and seems like there in nothing logical about her. So what if in her little world she thinks somehow she's right. YOU know what's right in YOUR mind. That's all that should matter.
How did she behave with your DH's ex? Is it that she doesn't like you or she doesn't like the idea of her 'little boy' getting further and further away from her? Does he have other siblings?
Bottom line is that for your sanity you should try to understand where she is coming from but in the end, TTC and having a baby is a decision between YOU and your DH so all that should matter are what he and you think.
Is any of what your mil is saying correct?
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg
My first thought as well...
So...he stands up for you, she continues to behave like a jackass, and the 2 of you stick around and expose youselves/your kids to her WHY?
This. I think before I brought another child in to this mess, you and your DH need to really come together and decide that MIL is either going to shut up and support you, or be out of your lives.
But I'm a biitch like that. GL.
Absolutely not! The baby is his idea. Everything that she accuses me of being is completely false.
I guess I only care because she is my MIL and I want to have a good relationship with her because of my husband and our children. I know I shouldn't give a crap what she thinks, but it's hard not to.
She behaved the same way with his ex, she doesn't think that there is anyone out there who is good enough for him. He has a sister who is now on her 6th child, my MIL hates her husband as well.
Thank you for your post...it's seems to help a little to have someone say what I already know (it only matters what me and my DH think).
I can answer many of the questions you all are asking...
No, none of what she said is made up...in fact, she barely touched on how bad some of the issues have been.
No, none of what my mother says is correct. Having a child was my idea, my wife is one of the smartest people I know, and there is nothing wrong with her. In my ex's case much of the criticism is probably true. However, something being true doesn't make it acceptable to be rude to that person.
No we haven't been on Dr. Phil...even though my mother's family could probably benefit from a therapist.
Yes, I do step in for her. In fact I cut off communication between us and my mother for the better part of a year because of this mess.
I agree that she should stop worrying about what my mother thinks. There's no point.
To sum up...there are a lot of "unsafe" people in this world. For some reason many of us feel that we owe these people our respect and friendship when they are part of our family. That is completely untrue. The other way of thinking is to just write people off. This doesn't have to be an "all or nothing" mentality. We should all be more careful using absolutes like "always" and "never". In this case I only resumed communication with my mother at my wife's request (me being guilty of that same "all or nothing" thinking) and I informed my mother that the communication between her and my family would by superficial. This allows us to keep a kind of relationship with my mother without allowing her access to information that she can use to hurt anyone.
Hopefully that helps a few of you answer your questions....and confirms what she has said.
To my wife: you know that I won't allow anyone to have a detrimental effect on our pregnancy or the birth of our child. Nothing in this world is more important to me than my family. This means your step-daughter, you, and our soon to be son (yes I said son....for it will be a boy!) first and the rest of my family second. I made the decision that I wanted another child and asked you if you wanted to have a baby. We know that and the only opinions that matter are ours. If anyone has any other opinion I don't really care. This is our life, this is our world, and this will be our miracle. I can't wait to announce to the world that we are going to have a baby and don't you dare let anyone worry or upset you about our child.
Awesome! Thanks for dropping by!